A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a white female and i am really attracted to black guys. Its not just a physical thing, its their confidence. It's just my preference. Everyone has preferences right?The only problem, is there where i live, black guys like white girls for casual relationships and black girls for long term girlfriends (marriage material). It's a culture thing. I guess it's just more socially acceptable for them to introduce a black girl to their families.But i'm not after anything casual. and i want someone who likes everything about me and is proud of me, and is proud to tell the world were together.My last boyfriend broke up with me as he thought we were too different. basically, he was ashamed for his friends and family to see him dating a white girl.I live in a really modern urban city, but somehow, ethnic groups still mingle with each others even if they are 2nd and 3rd generation. Not just for dating but for friendship, too.Should i just give up and find a white guy?
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male
reader, ray5050  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 i wish i had some one like you and you dont deserve him at all my name is raymond last name is majozi and i really cant find someone like you but hey i wont give up and if you know someone like you who want a romantic guy like me please let me know am a decent,caring,fun,loving,trustworthy and ilove poetry and this is my mobile no 078-604-2789 incase you find me one or maybe we cud give it a try who knows i may be the one for you and you may be the one for me lets not give up on what we want cause god is always with us all the time
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): No. I'm a black guy and i love white girls, it's always been somthing that white girls have that drews me to them. I dont believe its a cultural thing but more so that where you're at in the this world the guys just is not ready to be the one that stands out. A white girl and a black guy together is a beautiful thing that will make your relationship very interesting. You will find that guy thats right for you wether he be white or black or asian or whatever but also remember this that black guys also worry about not being accepted as well. Some families fall apart at the idea of their little girl dating a black guy so until you find a guy that's willing to stand tall and take all the positive and negative comments ppl make (and there will be) dont run from it but learn from each and the one from you will be there when u least expect it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): sorry, i always find this stuff a bit immature.
There are very many non arrogant, confident white guys out there, good looking, successful or 'not'.
I amd amazed that the comparisson is white and black.. what about chinese and black or white, or indian, polish etc, this is a big wide world.
Let me ask you.. op ..how do u 'expect' your black guy to act, talk etc.. many black guys dont date white gals as they feel they will have to live to some standard or way of life,. is it the way black guys look? the taboo, the supposed size of body parts? personality? lets face it, this always depends on the individual , not race..
let me ask you, how many guys have u hurt, dissapointed, lost chances with, who adored you who were confident and good looking... but never bothered as ur hung up on an ideal.
one i may add is no diff to a rich man, hung man, famous man, etc...
i think you should stop thinking about colour, creed, and all that jazz., and start looking at people.. looks fade, but the 'traits' etc that we also get attracted to dont..
and i think you are nieve, different cultures have differnet ideas about how they live, religious concepts, and many other things, these are also constraints, it may not always be because you are white in colour, but '' sorry to say '' white in culture. just a thought for u
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I am an 18 year old black male and I do not see anything wrong with interracial marriage or dating. If you are in love and you know there is a genuine love/relationship there, then follow it.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (13 July 2009):
 I have received so many PM's on this, it was incredible. Thanks for all of you who took time to write to me.
To the OP, I think you also sent a message, but I cannot answer you privately.
I can respond to most of the additional questions that I received here.
I used to live in London. Various racial groups populated certain areas, and I'm sure that its still the case. Asians lived around Hanwell and Southall, Greeks and Turks around Seven Sisters and Tottenham, Australians and Kiwis in Earls Court and Hammersmith, Jews in Golders Green. It is not a co-incidence that this happens. Ethnic groups feel comfort in numbers, especially in a 'foreign' country.
I was born and grew up in the UK. But the first thing people notice about me is my skin colour, not my London accent, or my hand size, or my style of walking. Do you know xxxxxx? Oh yes, he is that big black guy ....'
When I wear a suit, I look smart. But to a city employer, would he risk giving me a top job, even though my CV is pretty good? I have applied for jobs where I have been hugely overqualified, only to see the position given to a 'low risk, average intelligence, caucasian with low ambition'. A black man stands out in a room. Some peole like it, but many are threatened by it.
Black men also would love to marry the woman of their dreams, no matter what colour. But we have to be sensible. Love should overcome everything, but often, it doesn't. Parents of white girls have threatened me with broken legs, shooting, baseball bats and beatings if I go near their daughters. Some even offered me money not to. If a girls father displays open hatred to you, or says he and his family will disown her, there is quite a tough decision to make.
It may be hard for people to accept this side of life. But most of you have never been in this position, where other people judge you on your skin colour ALONE.
I was never ashamed to take an English girl home. They were (hopefully) never ashamed of me. My friends could not influence me one way or the other on my choices. But I was always mindful of my girl's situation at work, at home, in the street, and especially when we were together. It is not easy for a white girl with a black boyfriend to avoid stereotyping and labelling, as well as deal with peer pressure from those who object.
I would love to see more mixed marriages, as true love is blind, it should be reflected in that statement. My current partner is white, and we have been together 17 years. We are both in our mid-forties, and we live in a place outside of London which is quiet. She is a director of a large company, and still has to discipline staff for blatant racism. It was disappointing to see how her colleagues reacted when they first saw us as a couple, but not unexpected. Her company continues to overlook her for further promotion. (I would have to appear in company literature and go to company functions with her). Prejudice is never far away. If you can live with these types of issues, then I wish you all the best. It is never easy. As long as black skin and white skin exists, there will be unease between a minority of each with each other.
To the OP.
I hope my answers helped a little. Always try to see the person, not just the skin colour. I'm sure there are many white men who are better athletes than I was. I'm sure there are many black men who could run multi million pound businesses better than their caucasian bosses. Look at all 'boyfriend' possibilities - not just the black ones.
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A
male
reader, SUICIDEVICTIM  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 you have to take your age into consideration too, im guessing your dating guys your age at 16 and 17 boys arent thinking about marriage and long terms relationships there just boys there family has alot of influence on them you need to date some men when your older that have their own and the opinions of family and freinds mean little to them, im from the states if i brought a white girl home i would never hear the end of it but if i loved her and wanted to be with her then my family will have to accept her
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): So you don't wanna be sterotyped and treated as second-class because of your race when you date a black guy.
That's totally understandable.
In fact, the white guys you are unfairly stereotyping and discriminating against probably feel the same way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Don't give up. If you like black guys then continue to. There are alot of them out there, and each and every oneof them are different in their own ways. some black guys are not ashamed to date a white girl, or any other girl who is black. My cousins they aren't ashamed. I'm a black girl and I like white men as well as blacks and all of my family members are like "Ew.. what? why?" Well the boys are but I do not care. I like what I like and you should too.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (12 July 2009):
I am a second generation black man, and I have dated mostly white girls around South London.
After all these years I sometimes question why I never got married. I guess it's partly because I never found a black girl that I liked enough to marry. But mostly because the white girls themselves knew that their parents would never accept a black man into the family. There are many mixed relationships, and not all of them are casual, but there are very few mixed marriages.
It has nothing to do with culture, it's just the way life is.
I had a lot of English girlfriends when I was younger. I lived with three, and would gladly have married one of them in particular. But we knew it would cause rumblings in her family which would register on the Richter scale. She was not prepared to risk her family's wrath, or the healthy state of my legs.
White girls often know the score. They date a black guy, but a long term relationship, and especially marriage might be a leap too far.
I accept that something about 'black men' means you are drawn to people like me, but you have to look at the big picture. You like the look of black men. They like the look of you. But they only check you out, because they see YOU looking at THEM.
Remember that even today, it is difficult for a black man in the UK to become truly successful, except through sport. So black men are cautious in lots of ways, even though they can be reckless in many others. When it comes to women, we are generally VERY careful. We cross the street to avoid a single white female at night, we strive to be twice as good in business as a white man to get an equal opportunity, and we only chat up white girls who look at us first. Racism and racial profiling is rife in the Met, and in police forces throughout the UK, so experience means taking care not to be viewed as a stalker, mugger, or potential rapist, if a white girl feels uncomfortable around a black man.
You and your black boyfriends face a number of issues. Are you ready to face and overcome them all?
What you are currently doing is only seeing half of the complete story. What about all the white men who like the look of you? While you spend your days staring at black guys, you are missing all the good looking young white studs who are staring at you.
Don't miss too many opportunities by being so blinkered. Give EVERYONE a fair chance, irrespective of colour. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 I am the product of a mixed relationship. My mother was treated very badly by my father as he used her. They married but he had little respect for her. He went on to another white women and battered her. Six babies later and she decided to let go after she found out he was married to someone else!
I am mixed race and I am with a black guy. I am 45 and still unmarried with 3 babies. It is upto you want you want. These days black families are more understanding about mixed relationships but there is still this view in their head that white girls are up for it and not the stay at home kind of girl.
Make a life for yourself. Get a career. I teach and own two own houses and a car. They will respect you more. No problem with mixed relationships but I suffered as a child being abused as I ended up without a mother.
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): omg i am exactly the same!
Don't worry there's plenty of fish in the sea, if a man is ashamed of you move on your better than him you deserve more!
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