A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so, its 6 years we have known each other 5 and a half we have been a couple, since feb we have lived together. he is a part of my life in every way christmas with my family, birthdays new year. but i have never met his parents, and i cant do it anymore.i love this man with all my heart, and i know he loves me but there is all this 'stuff' inbetween. i know hes embarrassed for me to meet his mum, im not asian im not skinny, educated or clever. i have to be perfect there is no room for error. and whilst i am a strong person i feel helpless how can someone who lights up your life also make you feel like a worthless piece of crap even when you know your worth more. i feel stuck in this awful position where i love him so much but i cant go on. where is this going?should i even be going there?i cant imagine my life without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your answers.
i have given him the ultimatium for the 3rd time now but this is really it.
he is very close to his family his mum especially, as he is an only child.
we will see what happens....
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (16 September 2009):
I really feel for you - and the reason I want to reply to you as I am in fact Asian. There are alot of 2nd generation Asians that though they want to break away from tradition and parental expectations, they find it very hard to dissapoint their families and marry a person outside their culture.Now this is what happened to my sister in law - she had been with my brother for a number of years - she even moved to Germany with him when he got a new job. She introduced my brother to her family - and like you - they spent all holidays together. BUT - he never introduced her to my parents. Reason being - that as he was a son and a doctor - my parents had always hoped that he would marry a fellow Bengali doctor or professional. And like you - my sister in law started to get so frustrated and too felt so worthless and wondered why she was putting herself through so much. So the upshot was that she gave an ultimatum - either it was going to get serious (i.e he was going to introduce her to his parents) or she was going to walk...So - my brother with that kick up the ass, made the decision to introduce her to my parents - even though he was petrified!!! Things weren't easy at first but time has a way of working things out. They are now happily married with the most beautiful baby boy. Now my sister in law would not have been the first choice for my brother to marry - but he is happy and ultimatley, thats what my parent want.I think you need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend - is the relationship going to be a forever one or is it about you walking away before you get hurt even more. Yes i know the thought of not being with him is unbearable but you truly are better off knowing if there is a future in the relationship now rather than in another 6 years time.Take care and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (16 September 2009):
Your not the issue here so dont start blaming yourself for a more personal issue. After six years is strange that you havent met his parents, rather than working around it simply say to him... he doesnt really have a lot to go on i mean its obvious the relationship is genuine, its obvious that its progressing and at some point you should have met his parents. Find out his reasons for holding back, simply asking him out right is a risk but after so long one you should take. If you want the truth, the core issue then ask him, dont push too far judge on his reaction. Dont give up until you know the facts. It could be a lot more than hes let on. Of corse you should be going there, dont put to much onto it sometimes the more you press at a subject thats obviously sensitive to him the more damage it could do.
Handle this the right way and youll get to the truth, prepare to be supportive and strong, for you both.
Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): does he have a close relationship with his family?
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