A
male
age
30-35,
*ike89
writes:I've been in this relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and everything his been going really well (except for a few hiccups). But lately ive been feeling different about this whole relationship. I spoke to a friend and they think i do love her, but im not in love with her. And i do. She's like my best friend and i really don't wont to loose her, but at the same time i feel like i don't love her as much as i used to, for a reason i myself cannot explain. I care for her so much. A part of me wants to end it and a part of me doesn't, i don't know what to do. I really don't want to hurt her or make her feel like she's being strung along. I really need some help. Sometimes i think to myself maybe i need to be away from her to see this relationship from another perspective, then maybe ill realise what i have, but im scared that if i do ill loose her and all these feelings im having will push her away.I also feel like if i break up with her im not going to have anyone. I have a few days before i start university and all this couldn't of happened at a worse time. What's wrong with me?Am i having commitment problems? And even i do end it, what do i say? I dont even know whats wrong with me. What do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): First off: dont buy into what your fiend is telling you (or what we are telling you for that matter). Your friends are not you, they can never know. Seek friends for comfort and support, but never let them make the big decisions of your life. Sounds to me too like you are being scared and getting cold feet. Don't dump her. And by all means do not think that you need time away to see it from a different perspective. Thats an excuse for breaking up without really breaking up and its a lousy excuse as well. If you wanna leave, leave, if you wanna stay then stay. Dont do the "we need a break" thing. Thats just mean, selfish and hurtful. You are scared of committing. BUt dont worry, no ones asking you to marry her! Just take it a day at a time and sort out your feelings. Loving her isnt a "just" or simple thing. Its a great thing! Loving someone is far better then "being in love" with someone. Its the "in love" feeling, the crush, that disappears with time. The true love feeling stays, which it sounds like you have for her. Dont let go of the one you love, you will regret it if you do.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 This is a question only you can answer after looking deep in your own heart.
From everything you've written, I think you are in love with her, but you're getting cold feet. At your age, which is very young, being in love is scary for a number of reasons.
First of all, you seem to have all the emotional connections there. You trust her, she's open to you and hopefully you're open to her. It seems like you two fit together well. Maybe a few bumps here and there aren't too bad, maybe they make the two of you stronger.
However, what I think you're headed to is something like a little bit of the boredom or ennui factor here. You don't "feel" the same towards her, but yet all the familiar, warm feelings are there.
What's missing here is a little extra-added passion.
But, don't make a big mistake over this. Try and think hard about what's really missing that was there in the beginning, and see if its some little thing that's nagging you or maybe even her.
The other thing is, are you feeling restless about this? Because that's when the "cold feet" thing hits. Suddenly you're asking yourself whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with her. And that's the part where you start having doubts.
If you're at that point, rather than hitting a boredom factor issue, then maybe you need to sit down and tell her how you feel, and if you can't put your finger on it, maybe ask her to help you with it. I know it sounds nutty. If she cares a great deal for you, and you come to her and ask her if she's satisfied or if anything's missing; and tell her about this peculiar feeling you have -- maybe she has something to say too.
No one here knows her better than you, so its up to you. But again, no one here knows you better than you either.
Just remember that whatever you do, be kind and gentle to her because she is someone that you love. And from what you've said here, she may be the keeper that you really don't want to lose.
Its all a matter of opening up to her. If she has her own reservations too, then you two have a couple of choices. You can go along with doubts, or spend more time working those doubts out.
Also, with the university time coming up, its apparent that you may be worried you won't have enough time to give her. If that's the case, you two could find ways to make time, even if its over a distance, to talk to each other and be there for each other.
Good luck!
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