A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wife Question to husbandWho do you see as our family?Husband Answer to wifeYou and the two kids of courseWife to husbandNo one else?Husband to wifeNo. No one elseHusband to wife Who do you see as our family?Wife to husband My mother, then kids, then you.My question is;Whats your view? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, sf69  +, writes (5 November 2009):
The best answer I ever heard was this priority list 1ST is God..2nd is spouse..3rd is children always keeping in mind to honor the parents. When people confuse this priority list just sit back and watch the destruction and try to stay out of its path!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): 1. Spouse
2. Kids
3. Parents
4. other family
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): If this is a real post, then in a 'real' marriage. Husband/wife would be #1. Kids would be #2. Parents would be #3, and brothers/sisters would be #4. Everyone else would be somewhere after that.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 You probably see "family" as the one you created.
She means something else.
Frankly, I find her list odd as well. Mother first above chosen partnet AND kids?
Listing kids first would be more normal. Odd that she ranks them so clearly as well. Most people would say something like "you are all important to me". It might not be true, but you say it because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Odd reply by your wive.
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A
female
reader, sadgrl40 +, writes (4 November 2009):
well,I do sympathize with you. I have only been married a year and I am in a situation where his mom is his priority. If it came down to it I would lose and be divorced again. I have always been able to get along with ANYONE for the peace, but his mom lives with us and she is just a mean, evil person. I came into this with an open mind, willing to give it a try. Right before I moved in she started saying things about when I leave, as in me. Then would tell me I better knock when I come in the house, OUR house. So I do feel your pain when you are not your spouses priority. He has told me he is not going to leave or put her in a home. So it's pretty much I can stay until I can't take it anymore.....there's so much more and not time to tell you all. But I do sympathize with your pain. If you figure it out PLEASE pass along your knowledge.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 November 2009):
 My guess is that the husband in this case is really upset that he comes in third in his wife's priority rankings. I'd have to say I would be too.
Now, his wife might be wondering why her husband doesn't see his mother and father as part of his family. Or siblings or other extended family members.
Keep in mind that most of our values come from our parents. We have things instilled in us that we don't ever really question, and I expect your wife has been taught from day one that "Mommy comes first". That she internalized this message to the extent that when she got married, "husband comes first" might not have even been a consideration.
I think that you are presenting us with a very limited snapshot to validate some hurt feelings and perhaps you need to look beyond the obvious though hopefully not intentional insult to the upbringing that no doubt created that mind set. Blame the mother if you will, don't blame the child for absorbing and repeating a lesson like that. You don't know what she went through if Mommy didn't come first.
Now, that being said, you can go on and argue for days about who should come first in a family. The children? The marital couple? And what does that mean exactly. First in order of love, or in decision-making or in whose needs get catered to first?
This shouldn't be a black/white, one-two-three list thing. You all should be in this together. That you feel there are sides tells me there's a lot more going on than just this eye-opening exchange.
I hope for the sake of the children you can work it out like mature and sensible grown ups. The children are counting on you.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 November 2009):
My brother and sister, then my parents. Not married yet, nor do I have kids, but my children would take priority followed by my wife, my siblings then parents.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Is this a general question like a survey, an email forward you received that is a male/female generalization and meant as a joke, or a conversation you really had?
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