A
male
age
30-35,
*sc823
writes:I am stuck, I do not know where to go from here. I am a 17 year old bisexual male who is in love with the cutest boy of all time, and I think he loves me to. My only problem is that I do not know how to pursue a relationship, or if I should at this point. Anyway, I will start from the beginning. I am in love/infatuated with my best friends brother. He, in my opinion, was made for me. When I am around him I feel like myself, when I am away (which is most of the time) I feel lost. I NEED to be with him, not sexually, but WITH him. I am unsure if he feels for me though. Reasons I think he does...I have always likes him, ever since I first met him about 2.5 years ago. At first it was just lust on my part, but as our relationship matured I realized that I loved him for who he was, not what he could give me. I began to appreciate being with him and talking to him, and we grew closer together. I have been flirting with him since day one, and he would occasionally reciprocate. More recently (past 6 months) he has been gradually reciprocating more, and for a while now he has been flirting with me even when I do not initiate. What I mean by flirting is giving me cute smiles (all of the time), looking me in the eye, when we are sitting close, such as at the table to do homework or whatever he will frequently brush against my foot or leg with his, or when he will talk to me or ask me a question he will put his hand on my arm/back and sometimes will rub or stroke. He hugs me frequently. He as told me "I love you" on several occasions. Yesterday (Saturday) I went to their house to stay the night, and we were laying on the bed watching some videos on youtube. He, for some unknown reason (I don't remember the context) said, "I love you" and then a moment later he said, "I love you, I really do". He was more relaxed about it because his brother was there and told him to stop, so all I could do was scoot a little closer to him and smile at him. Yesterday (saturday) we went to our favorite college team's spring game and on the way there and back we were all three of us crammed in the back seat of their car. He was sitting in the middle. The way down we watched a game on his iPod and he would occasionally smile at me. I would nudge him or poke him and he would poke or nudge back. I did notice that he seemed to sit a little closer to me than his brother every now and then. He asked me at one point if he could borrow my earbuds and when I gave them to him he said I love you and smiled. He has never had a girlfriend, nor ever talks about specific girls he likes, although he will agree with someone when they say that a girl is hot.Reasons that make me doubtWe are both Christians (don't ask, I have accepted that I am bi and that I was made this way), and so is his whole family and my whole family. When the subject of homosexuality RARELY comes up he would say something generic against it. More recently it came up and he was kinda wishy washy about it, didn't really say weather he was for it, but didn't say he was against it. He is usually a pretty good kid, and doesn't ever get into trouble. He is very cautious to be a good person and tends to correct someone when they do something wrong, including me. Occasionally he will ignore me when I begin to flirt with him, but this has been fading over time to where he is usually reciprocating or initiating. My dilemmaMy question, after all of this is what should I do? I do not get to see him near as much as I would like. We have no classes together but I see him in the hallway pretty much everyday at school and we most always (90% of the time) acknowledge each other in some way, weather it be a smile or stoping and talking for a moment. When I do get to hang out with him we never get to be alone for extended periods of time. His brother is always there. When we are alone I am always to scared to do anything, and I think he is too. We have only ever flirted when we were alone a couple of times, but we have had some long conversations together and we are pretty close during those. I could never arrange to see just him without arousing suspicion, for his parents already suspect something is up, I think. My friend told me one time that when he got in the car his dad asked him if there was something "weird" going on with us, to which he said "I don't think so" to. It has gotten to the point where I almost talk to him more than my friend, and sometimes I do. I will be going to college in a year, and he will probably be going to the same school as me , but since he is a few years younger than us it would be somewhat of a wait. Let me know what you think, I really am desperate, because I really Love him ALOT. I want to make him happy, and I love being with him. Thanks!!
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male
reader, jc2008  +, writes (17 April 2011):
Aww that was an interesting and descriptive story to read. Well from what your describing it is obvious that he likes you and probably looks up to you as a stronger older person. He may very well see you as someone he could have a relationship with. Legal wise, it is against the law to do so in your country as it is in mine and as his dad has already twigged that somthing is out of the ordinary here he will be actively looking for things now and also being protective of his son, naturally.
As for waiting for him to be old enough etc. Speaking from experience, when your about to finish school you think you know everything until you go to College/University then you realise your now in the "big bad world". You will have more and different life experiences which will make you think about things differently. Also I assume that this is your first crush, its always the deepest so it will be hard to let go if you choose to.
At the end of the day and I know you are probably sick of hearing this but we only say it because we care. Hes very young, he might be mature but he has still been on this planet only 14.5 years. If he thinks hes about to get into trouble he might implicate you or exadurate, you don't know what is going to happen if things went nasty but at the end of the day you would be seen as the villian. Think of your own integrity first and foremost, we know you don't intend to hurt him and do right by him but some people associate homosexuality with peadophilia and they can be ignorant.
Whatever happens I hope it all works out for you without anyone getting hurt. J
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male
reader, usc823 +, writes (12 April 2011):
usc823 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear this every time. "He is too young", I can understand this to a certain point. What I don't understand is how a two year difference is acceptable, but when it comes to three years it becomes wrong. I mean in my high school there are plenty of junior/freshman couples or senior/sophomore couples. I do not understand why a senior/freshman couple is that big of a deal. I have stated that I do not want to have a sexual relationship at this point, it is simply not possible. Even if I did we could not get out from under our families who think that homosexuals are demon possessed. I have read the laws concerning consent and in my state the legal age of consent is 16. Now, I have read that if an "offender" (a term used WAY to freely) is 18 or under than is is legal for them to have consensual sex with someone as young as 14. By the time I turn 19, he will be 16 and there are no worries. But, as I have said before, I do not intend to have a sexual relationship until we both gain freedom from or families. You were saying that this could just be a phase for him, and I understand that. When I was first questioning my sexuality (13) I thought that it was just a phase too. The difference though is that 1. it has been going on for longer than a typical phase lasts and 2. he shows interest in me romantically, not simply physically. Usually when one goes through this phase it is physically charged. What he is showing to me (in my opinion) is more romantic and emotional than physical. To sum it up, yes he is young, but I Love him for who he is and I am willing to wait until he is ready. But, as I have said I would like for us both to acknowledge our feelings for each other and base our relationship around that fact.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (12 April 2011):
 he's too young, and although you may think that as you are both below the age of consent (in america it is 18, correct me if i am wrong). young men often go through phases in puberty where their sexuality can be temporarily ambiguous.
you might find him attractive but in reality he is wayyy too young to know what he wants at that age.
plus if it goes to court that you had sex with him, you WILL be painted as the villain of the piece. believe me if his dad already has suspicions it wont take long for them to put two and two together.
stay friends until he is MUCH older
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reader, usc823 +, writes (12 April 2011):
usc823 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone, thank you for the replies so far. To answer the first posters question, I am 17.5 and he is 14.5. I know this sounds like a large age gap, but you must understand that he is very mature for his age, teachers, students and parents at our school acknowledge this fact regularly. And I am not interested in a sexual relationship at this point, I know right now it would not be possible considering our family situations. I do, however wish to pursue some form of a romantic relationship, and the fact that we would have to hide this would be difficult.
Oh and an update. Today I saw him in the hall, and when he saw me he grinned, not just smiled, from ear to ear, locked eyes with me and called/said my name enthusiastically.
I know that right now is not a good time for a relationship, I am looking long term. When we are both in college and have freedom from our homophobic families it will be much easier to explore the possibility. My question is where should I go from this point?
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reader, aaringurl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
Pretty nice situation you have there. Ima start with, your bestfriend's brother might be looking at you as another big brother. Probably, he knows you're Bi(it takes one to know one) because of your gestures. Normally, you don't flirt with a guy(or categorize your actions as such), or smile too often, or nudge, poke with each other to the extent in which I envision yours could be. He might've want to mess around with you a bit, he's younger than you, rather, you both are still young, and youthful discretion doesn't work too accurately most of the time around your age. His no-girlfriend issue might also be because he's not into it just yet.
Hear this though, bask in the moment. I mean, your situation doesn't come around to just anyone. See yourself lucky. So, just enjoy it, be yourself, if it makes you happy, go, just keep in mind your limits. Don't go and ask for something serious, P.S. like me, you're still in a trial-&-error stage, but still see where things would go ~.~
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (11 April 2011):
it took until the end of your letter to find the most obvious and important information about all of this- your ages.
you are between 16-17 so how young is he?
until thats been made clear no answer on here will be able to reflect what your best course of action is in line with your local laws.
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