A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand this. I ask my boyfriend for his opinion on something and he acts neutral about it. Then when I make a choice and it was the "wrong" one, he then has an opinion and tells me then he is mad that I made the wrong choice. This has happened alot lately. but the latest is over facebook. my ex husband requested me on facebook. We have been apart 5 years, have 2 school age children, we are civil and try to put the kids first. I didn't know if I should accept it or not. We get along but didn't know if this was appropriate or not. I asked my boyfriend for his opinion, he didn't really have one and acted like he didn't mind either way. So later I went ahead and accepted it. my boyfriend has my password and can get on my account anytime. Now he wants me remove him from my facebook. Should I remove my ex from my facebook? And what is the point in "testing" me to see what I will do, when I directly asked him for his opinion on it? Seems like a game to me with no point.
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female
reader, moon river  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Do the same to him! See how trapped he feels!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Odds is right. It is passive agressive behaviour. My husband does this to me all the time, about everything you could imagine and then some. Whats more is that he actually becomes very angered whenever I insist for his opinion or input on the matter. Especially about major things. I personally think that the only reason why he never seems to have any input or opinion on anything is because that way if things go sour, he can feel safe to place the blame soley on me. Its his way of ensuring that he remains 100% blame free no matter what.
I havent figured out how to combat this except but to just go ahead and make the decision and let the chips fall where they may. Whenever he becomes upset about the final outcome, I simply remind him that he had a choice in this too but chose to lay it soley on my shoulders. Unfortunately, I have no advice to offer, but merely wanted to let you know that I sympathize with you, and you are definately NOT alone!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 April 2011):
 It's passive-aggressive behavior. A lot of folks do it, though I don't know where it comes from, or why they do it.Confront it head-on. Tell him, next time this comes up, that you want to make him happy and work with him, and that you respect his opinions even when they differ from yours - but that if he gives no input, you will accept no criticism (even the kind implied in his behavior and demeanor) for the results.Don't say it confrontationally, just state it as simple, fair truth. How he deals with it is up to him, but you have to mean it. If he continues to offer no opinion, you have to ignore his criticism afterwards. If he does offer an opinion, you can agree or disagree, but you absolutely must not get mad at him for it, or he'll just go back to passive-aggressiveness. To be certain, you might simply go with his opinion the first few times, but that's your call.
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