A
male
age
,
*ozzer
writes:Dear Cupidperhaps you can help me, I am a 47 year man who has been divorced for 8 years, I have recently been in a friendship which sadly has come to abrupt end, for various reasons. The young lady in question has decided after a summer together that she wishes to be alone due to some stresses in her own life. I of course feel this is an excuse to move on. I recently found out she has been talking to some of my family about my sexual prowness or lack it. This hurts me very much. I am a large guy who would love to loose some weight but am finding it hard. I adore this girl but find her cold at times because of my weakness. I know I have a weakness and would dearly love to feel happy. I love being with her and was looking forward to spending Christmas with her, now i am on my own and feel depair in my heart. There is a emptiness inside I cannot seem to shake off and feel as though i will be on own for along time.Time is marching on for me and I found it hard to bring this relationship into place, almost like climbing a mountain. I love to be with people and want to feel positive again. what should i do to feel good about myself both mentally and physically. PS I am not a heavy eater and have tried to conquer my weight but when my partner becomes critical I feel lost and unloved. I know i have a good heart and care deeply for people, however to care about my inner self seems very hard.Where do i begin to heal the pain learn to love who I am? I find that when I am critizied I go into to a shell for my own self preservation. Please help me to move forward in a positive manner.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I agree with CaringGuy and I have gone through "reinventing myself" as well. I've seen consolers, I've read books, I've left posts on websites and I've talked to friends and it's all the same. The lesson is always the same, You help those who help themselves. If you seek a change, start with your mind and then your body. You mentioned the disapproval of you sexual performance, well everyone is different in the bedroom. Is it possible she was just looking for something else? Even so a nice man like yourself deserves good things and deserves long term meaningful relationships and friendships. The world needs more people like you and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way. See a doctor and hear what he has to say about losing weight. Best of luck my friend and try to enjoy the holiday!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 December 2010):
You come across as a genuinely nice guy. And I think the problem might be that like all nice guys, you're trying to make other people happy before yourself, and maybe when they don't make you happy in return, that's when you get hurt. And I think that needs to change. Rather than look for anyone else right now, I would look at this time alone as the big moment to reinvent yourself, rather than a period of pain.
Clearly your weight is what is getting to you the most. So, start with that. And do it in a big way. Book yourself in to see the doctor, and get checked out. Explain that you're feeling down because of your weight, and that you'd like some advice about losing it. You'll probably have to diet, join a gym and all that. But that's the way to go. It may take some time before you see results, but you can be assured that when you do you'll feel much better.
At the same time, it might also be worth you seeing a counsellor to talk about how you feel about your life and where you see it going.
This might sound stupid, but you kind of have to think of it as 'dating yourself'. If you were on a date with a woman you cared about, you'd go the extra mile to make her feel good, you'd make her feel special, you'd make her laugh, you'd do everything you could to see her smile and be happy. That's what you need to do with yourself. Make a real effort with your weight, go and speak to a counsellor about how you feel, take up a new hobby where you can meet people (dancing is a good one) and just work on yourself for a while.
When you feel good about yourself, others will feel good about you. And then you'll be able to find a woman and you can spoil her and be nice to her knowing that you're happy yourself.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Lozzer, I`m going to be completely blunt with you I hope you accept that I`m just being honest rather than critical.There may or may not be something you can do about losing this girl. You`ve been there before with your marriage and the age old saying that "it is better to have loved and lost etc...." is spot on. I know it doesnt help right now but its just a matter of time before you begin to heal from this breakup and start looking toward moving on. There isnt a magic potion, only time and the magic that it works.Moving on to how you feel about your weight....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! Its clearly an issue for you and you clearly want to change so why not invest your time and energy into attacking the problem with logic? Speak to your GP and ask about a specific diet to ensure you eat healthily, join the gym, start swimming or jogging.....there are a hundred and one things you can try so before you say none of it works, give it a go.I know youre feeling pretty low right now and I know there doesnt seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel but there is - you just have to switch it on before you can see it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something for yourself.As harsh at it sounds I`m afraid thats your answer.
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