A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well I have been dating this guy for about a month. I have never met a guy who shares the same interests as me, and for the most part we get along. As soon as there is a fight he breaks up with me, and tells me he doesn't want to be with me and so on. Within a couple of day I contact him, and he is still a little mean, but then he is fine, and things are back to normal again until the next fight and its the same thing. Yesterday I was mad at him, and thought it was strange he didn't want to go with me out with his friends so I said something and once again he can't deal with my crap and so on. We do go and do things and he comes over every day after work that we are not fighting lol, but I am confused why he keeps doing this over and over. I want to break the cycle, or understand what is going through his mind. Right now I haven't contacted him except to tell him my cell was off and that's it. I want to know what to do to make this stop or how to read in between the lines, or what to say to him this time. I know for a fact when a guy doesn't want someone they don't need to say it over and over, and they usually just ignore you all together. If you need more information ask and I will add it. Please no answers about how hes a bad guy. I want real advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Stop calling him back when he walks out on you. You are the one with her foot on the pedal. If you want it to end, stop telling him to come back.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 This is real advice but I don't think you will like it :it's easy to break the cycle. Stop calling him back.Why are you calling him at all ? This thing between you, it's born dead. You have been dating for a month... and in one month you have been able to have multiple fights ??Not a match made in heaven, and not something that most people looking for an adult, mature relationship would waste their energy on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Listen closely to Caring Guy. He put it perfectly. Throw the guy to the dogs for good!! He's a low life user and will use you for sex, money and so on.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 March 2011):
Look, there is no point in you telling us not to answer about how he's a 'bad guy'. Because, face facts, he is. And before you stop reading, I am a guy, and I know how we think. I know how he'll be thinking. You have been dating for one month, or 4 weeks. Yet, in this time, you have gotten mad at him, you have had arguments and each time he's broken up and you've been the one to call. First of all, he doesn't want a relationship. He wants someone who'll just casually fit in where and when he wants. He has no interest whatsoever in commitment to you, or any real interest in wanting to get to know who you are. All he wants is to be able to come to yours and have his way (whether that's sex, attention, food, whatever). So, when he gets his way as he sees fit, he'll come. When he knows you're running around after him, he'll come. But when you're in a bad place, or when he does something wrong and you get mad, he'll just walk away. Want to know what's worse? Even now, he knows that you'll call. He's just waiting for it. He's probably even had a good laugh about it with some friends. "Oh, don't worry, she'll call" - something like that. Worse still, you appear totally oblivious to this. Whilst I do admire that in a way you want to break this cycle, the truth is you can't. You can't, because he is the problem, and you can't change him. You want to read between the lines, but the 'lines' are in fact hugely clear - the man has you right where he wants you, and any relationship you hope to have with him will be as flawed as it is now. He simply has no interest in dealing with problems you may have as a couple, and no real interest in you. He's just interested in what he can get out of you. And that is what is in-between the lines. No relationship should be like this, ever. No relationship after just one month should be like this! The guy isn't interested enough in YOU. All he wants, is whatever he can get easily. My advice? You need to walk away. You can't change him, and he has no interest in changing. He's not ready for a relationship at all, and you should not be having problems like this after 1 month. The man is immature, and sly in his manner. He is out to use you as much as possible, and will continue to treat this way until you stop allowing it. Sometimes, you have to be receptive to all advice, not just the advice you want to hear. I don't think you'll like my advice, because it's not what you want to hear. But maybe if you do read the advice and see that this guy really is that bad, you'll be able to move on to someone better. If you don't, well, you're wasting a huge amount of time on a man who's going to be laughing at you every step of the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): It sounds as if he knows he's said something or done something during the arguement that he regrets, as he always seems to come back when you ask, so he doesnt have to sheepishly make up for it. If i were in a situation like you, i think i would just end it once and for all. A sure fire way, like you have already, is turn your cell off. Don't contact him, and see if after a few days he calls or texts you. He might just be used to you calling him back at first xx if the problem repeats, and your just getting more stressed and aggrivated with him, it may be best to just leave it, so you can relax. Good luck, which ever way you go.xxxxx
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