A
female
age
36-40,
*inaki
writes:my boyfriend is almost perfect and we have great time..sometimes he is the one how seems to love me more and he treats very nice to me..BUT when we have a fight he becomes incurious and he seems that he doesn't really cares to work it out soon.. he prefers for that day to do things with his best friends than talk and solve the problem..he says that he want to calm and he is not in the mood to talk right now.. but the day after..even if I cry at the call he says that he can't do anything right now.I found it cruel and I want help!!!thanks
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male
reader, goodguy11  +, writes (22 February 2010):
I seem to be the opposite of what people are saying here and I am a guy. Usually it's the girl that doesn't want to talk and work it out with me. But I have come to realize that there is no quick fix to anything. Doesn't matter if it's a man or women people act differently. Everyone needs time to think sometimes and cool off. When he's ready to talk to you he'll come around. If he goes to his best friend's house then you should do the same or go and do something to keep your mind off things instead of sitting at home alone crying because it just going to hurt more. Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Sometimes ,the problem cannot be solved there and then. Your stands could be rigid or you do not give ways or want to compromise at the heat of the moment.
You should take a time out and let things cool down abit before you can become rational and ready to talk.
If you have anger, it is not wise to talk because harsh words would be spoken and you may regret it.
Don't pressure a guy because most guys are not good at expressing themselves. He maybe standing on the edge of the cliff at that particular moment and you may tip him over.
He could lose control and lash out physically at you . Guys are brought up that way. If the mouth cannot speak , the fist will do the talking.
Your b/f is wise, experienced and matured . You do not talk when you are irrational , angry or feeling hurt.
When you have cooled down, calm and your normal self , you will see things differently .
He is also unhappy and needs to seek solace from his best friend.
You should not seek instant solution or gratifications but to discuss it at another place and at another time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): CaringGuy has summed up exactly what I was going to say! Please believe him, because it is true! Men and women do deal with problems and upsets in different ways. Women like to talk, men like to have space to think about things and calm down. It really isn't personal.
I think it is only a problem if he doesn't ever want to discuss the problem again, even after a bit of time. But as long as he does talk to you after a while to sort things out, then I think he is just needing some time to work things out in his head. While he goes off for space, you could try and distract yourself by calling a friend, going out, listening to music...anything to take your mind off things and cheer yourself up. It might also help you feel calmer when you do next talk to your boyfriend. I hope this helps! x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Welcome to the world of men. Lean this lesson. Men will not talk about problems until they are in the right frame of mind. It's not cruel, it's just the way we deal with problems. From his point of view, he will be hurt and angry and he has to listen to you say you want to solve it now. Men need time to work out how they feel and what they want to do about it. We don't work out problems through talking to people, we work out problems by thinking and doing something. Don't take it personally, he's doing what all men do. The difference between men and women is this. Women talk about problems to solve them, men think about them. That's how it's done. Don't worry. Let him have his space so he has time to think, then when he's in a better mood and ready to talk, he will. But if you push him into talking about it immediately, he won't.
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