A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm in a bit of a state at the moment, it is to do with my ex. We have been great friends since we broke up and since then have always had some sexual tension between us. We go back a hell of a long way and her family are friends of my family etc. Anyway she came down for a weekend recently to go out clubbing with me and other people. We ended up kissing when we were drunk on the friday (which isnt an uncommon occurance) and even slept in the same bed, but nothing happened. The next 2 days however we didnt really do anything with each other, despite my best efforts.She is very insecure about her appearance and very paranoid about how people think of her. When she is drunk she tells me she wants to get back together with me and that she loves me and even wants to run away together! We never have these conversations when she is sober. I can't decide whether she is being like this because she is unsure about how she feels and makes rash decisions when she is drunk. Or whether she is just very insecure and unconfident therefore stopping her from saying this stuff when she is sober. I am going away for a few months soon which was kind of the reason she came up, to say goodbye. I really wanted to tell her how I feel this weekend but because I am unsure about how she feels and my own fear of rejection I didn't. When she left it was quite hurried and I really wasn't sure if I should have kissed her or not, I got the sense that she had the same problem!I will be going down to where she lives before I go because thats where the airport is and I will probably go out of lunch or something with her before my flight. Should I ask her straight about how she feels about me? I don't want to come across as being needy or anything but this waiting in limbo is tearing me apart! Or should I phone her now and ask her, considering I am going away in a couple of weeks yet. I'm not sure I can wait that long to talk to her. Anyway she didnt reply to my text thanking her for a nice weekend after she had gone to see if she got back safely, I'm worried I may have ruined any chances by not taking the lead. So I guess thats my question, should I stick it out for 2 weeks before speaking to her face to face or phone her sooner? Or should I even speak to her at all? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
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broke up, clubbing, drunk, get back together, insecure, kissing, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): It's quite simple - follow your heart. It doesn't matter what she says or if she rejects you. If she does, then you know at least you tried. If she doesn't, then something good comes out of it and you being the guy/man here, you need to take the lead. Most times a girl will say such things when they are drunk not only because of uncertainty in how she feels and being impulsive, but because as we drink and become drunk, we lose our inhibitions, our fear of being ridiculed or rejected, and we speak what is hidden in our hearts. Great chemistry between two people does not happen often in a lifetime - believe me, I know - and I have gone through this exact same situation with an ex that till today I have remained great friends with. I would advise you to follow your heart and meet her in person and tell her that you still feel for her and would love to give this one more try... then see what she says.
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