A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:At what point should a guy who's never had a girlfriend, never kissed, held hands, or ever had anything more than a friendly hug from a girl just accept that it's never going to happen for them? Let's be realistic here, after a certain age and no romantic experience people tend to think of you as a little odd. I'm 25 and never once has a girl wanted anything more than a friendship with me. I'm the last single guy among my friends. Everyone else is getting married and concerning themselves with getting houses of their own and starting their own families. It seems romantic love is all around yet never meant to be for me. Several times a day I find myself daydreaming of finding that special someone that I really connect with. I know it may sound weird coming from a guy but I dream of the romantic stuff. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling... I realize no relationship is perfect and takes work but they must be worth it. Otherwise no one would date, get married, or start a family. This has really been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I'm finding it hard to focus on other aspects of my life when my mind and body are compelled to think otherwise. It's painful to see others find love so easily while I can't seem to figure it out.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 I don't really know anything about this, but my boyfriend was in the army until recently and he too said he's confused about civilian life. That her doesn't know exactly what to make of it. And funny enough he too didn't think he'd ever meet someone, he'd been single his whole life and he was 24 when I finally got him to look in my direction.
I think if you have a lot of female friends you also have a lot of potential partners right there. I never managed to stay just friends with a man. I don't know of many who can either. There's always some sort of attraction, and friendship is a good start for a relationship. Are you interested in any of them? And what makes you insist that they aren't interested in you? Again, my boyfriend is the perfect example of someone who swore they'd never find someone, but he wasn't even looking, or even trying. I had kept a good eye to him for years, and tried flirting, but he was so stubborn and didn't think anyone would be interested in him, so he ignored it.
If you're any bit the same then I bet you have at least 5 women in your circle of friends and associates who look at you and think "wish he's ask me out". So, how many women have you asked out yet? And, could it be you're looking at this and painting it black because you're trying to adjust to civilian life and everything is difficult at the moment? Just try to remember that it just takes some time, and then you will adjust, and maybe when you get yourself "home" in a sense, then you will be able to look out and see the women who are interested in you.
Just so you know, my boyfriend would have still been single had I not jumped at him and asked him directly if he was interested in me, then told him directly I was flirting with him, and gave him a few days to think about whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I had to be extremely direct, because he just refused to get it. Perhaps you're the same, because there is absolutely no way no women you have ever met have been interested the slightest.
Everyone of us starts without experience, and fumble in the dark. We get there, and so will you. You got to keep going at it! But perhaps focus on finding a decent job in the civilian life that you enjoy, and find your own place, and start to feel more comfortable where you are first. Tackle the girlfriend issue afterwards.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that finding love takes work at one level or another. I don't think I'm being unrealistic in my expectations here. I know that no one is just going to appear out of thin air. What I'm saying is that nothing that I've done seems to be working for me. Without any previous experience to look back to I'm just stumbling around in a dark room looking for a light switch that keeps moving. I try to flirt but it seems to be a skill I just haven't figured out.Sure, I have female friends. Making friends has never been the problem for me. Getting a girl to even consider me as a candidate for anything more than that is where I fall short. I may be kind of a quieter guy, but talking to people has never really been an issue.I do get out often too. It's not as if I sit behind my computer all day just because I decided look for advice online. This really isn't the type of thing that guys talk to their friends and family about. We're supposed to have this all figured out. I hang out with friends often and have interests of my own that get me out of the house. Getting out there doesn't necessarily mean that you're frequently meeting new people though. The girls that I have met until now were either already taken or not interested in me that way.No, I'm not actively pursuing anybody right now. I just finished out my enlistment in the Air Force a little over a week ago. There haven't been a whole lot of opportunities to meet girls recently. Work pretty much killed any chance of that. For the last year or so it was counted as a good week when my unit didn't have to put in more than 80 hours. I just moved back to my home town. I'm living with my parents right now because I don't have anywhere else to go. The transition back to civilian life has been harder that I thought it would be. Home doesn't feel much like home anymore. Everyone I know back here seems to have their lives all figured out.I'll be going back to school in the fall to finish up my bachelors degree and am hoping that things will start to fall into place and change for the better.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 May 2011):
At what point do you accept that it's never going to happen? When you're lying on your death bed. Because not until then do you for sure know that it never happened. Until then, stop pitying yourself and dig yourself into a hole in the ground.
Love might come easy to some, but it always involves work at one level or the other. You have to be brave and stick your neck out there. You dream of a magical girl you will connect with, well she doesn't exist. What exists are millions of girls and women who you can form a good connection with. But it takes work, and commitment, and courage.
I have one question to ask you: do you flirt? Because that's the trick, and it's a skill you learn through experience. You got to start somewhere, and you got to go out and DO IT, not sit around and wait until the woman drops on your head. She's got to be extremely dedicated to you in order for her to do all the work while you sit there thinking no one wants you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 As adamantine has said, what are you doing to change the situation?
Without knowing that I cant really say if you should just give up aged 25, it seems a bit much to me that at such a young age you would have decided to give up already! Unless you have tried every possible avenue for meeting women, if you are going out every night, going on blind dates all the time, registered with every online dating site out there....etc.
Maybe it might be a good idea to stop daydreaming and actually take some action? The girl of your dreams is not just going to walk right over to you and kiss you, life doesnt work like that. You need to make the effort and get out there, and if you really do want to meet someone so badly you will dedicate every free night you have to meeting someone.
Please correct me if I'm wrong and you really have tried everything, but until you give a bit more information I cant really help you.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Have you got any female friends? Have you been actively pursuing anyone? Putting yourself out there?
If you wait for someone to come to you, its not going to happen. You have to actively make those connections and maintain them.
Ask your mates if any of their girlfriends have single friends who you might be able to meet.
If you're wanting a kiss, go to the clubs, however I don't advise this if you're wanting to find a girl you'll one day marry ;)
Join some social groups to meet women outside your friendship circle. You might even want to try internet dating sites.
if you have feelings for a girl, tell her. sometimes you need to put yourself out there, otherwise you'll never know, and you'll continue to wonder why, and what if.
Good luck.
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