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*uckmuckthemonkey
writes: I asked my husband if he still loved his old girlfriend and he replied he will always love her but only in a caring way. This makes me feel insecure. Should I feel threatened and/or insecure that he will always love her? Thanks.
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reader, pops +, writes (20 June 2005):
NO, you shouldn't feel insecure. Believe him. Surely you still love your parents, your grandparents, your siblings, etc. even though you no longer live with them. We all meet other people and sometimes fall in love with them. Sadly, you learn you can live with everyone you love, for different reasons. So, you end the relationship. That does not mean you don't still love that person, and wish them well. And,yes, inspite of popular myth, you can love more than one person at one time. You hopefully commit to a person you not only love, but who loves you, and you both make a committment to share a life together, and pleasure each other. May I have this dance for the rest of my lift, goes the song.
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reader, Dear Kelly +, writes (20 June 2005):
I think you should think about why you even had the need to ask your husband if he still loved his ex girlfriend? I feel that perhaps something isn't going right in your relationship for you to have had doubts to ask him in the first place. Of course his reply has now made you feel insecure, as I think it would make anyone feel that way, but it all depends on what context your husband was meaning, and in what way.Rememember she was his ex g/f, so it obv didn't work out with them, and it's you who his married too, so i'm sure you have nothing to worry about,.............you should be proud you seem to have a great husband who was honnest with you, which tells me you and him must be a strong and committed couple.Don't let things niggle at you and eat you up inside, 'talk' to him about any of your concerns and let him put your mind at rest.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (20 June 2005):
 I think this does depend on what he really means, it sounds as if he meant that he will always care for her. That isn't the same as love. In some ways, he could love her but no longer be in love with her. I think this is what he meant to convey. He still has feelings for her but more so in the caring, wouldn't like anything bad to happen to her, affectionate kind of way.
Clarify this with him but I don't think you need to feel threatened. Consider how he is with you and whether he expresses his love for you and reassures you.
I hope this helps.
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reader, kt  +, writes (20 June 2005):
 you dont have too feel insecure, at one stage in his life he loved her. feelings like that never go away but they can fade.thats proberly what it is, but if it gets to a stage where you feel uncomfortable tell him how you feel. that way he can reassure you that you are still number 1 or at least tell you where you stand.good luck!
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Your husband was being truly honest with you about his feelings for his ex girlfriend.That means he trusts & respects you as a person.What if he lied & said he hated her, then bumped into her one day & you saw them perhaps hug, chat & laugh together?Put your fears to rest...He said he loves her in a caring way...the way a friend loves another friend.Honour his honesty, sweet lady.His honesty cannot MAKE you feel insecure.You CHOOSE to feel insecure.Perhaps you were wounded in the past, by an unfaithful mate & you have some trust issues that need to be healed.Your mate deserves to be trusted, unless he gives you a BIG BOLD reason that he is untrustworthy and/or dishonest.There are different types of love.Agape...Spiritual (Gods) LoveEros...Passionate LoveAffilios..Friendship loveI would suggest you feed your spirit with positive messages, such as " I'm proud of myself for having the courage to ask my husband about his feelings for his ex girlfriend & I appreciate & ACCEPT his honest answer."Then release the situation & move on with living & loving !Bless your dear heart.
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