A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When will my man say that he loves me? We've been together for 4 months. I've asked some of my girlfriends and they've said he should have said it after about 3 months.We spend every free moment we can together, we have similar interests, he always puts me first in his life, he does a lot of little things for me to show that he cares, he talks about our future....but he hasn't said those words yet.Should I be worried that he hasn't said it yet?When does a man usually say it? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 May 2015):
 People are different OP. My fiance told me that he was in love with me on our FIRST date...and I was almost running for the hills, thinking that this man's a nutcase! It took me a long time to understand that he was sincere in what he was saying and it took him a long time to understand why I wouldn't accept his declaration of love in the first place! He still tells me that he didn't have an iota of doubt in his mind and so he didn't want to wait while I always thought that we should get to know each other a LOT better and be sure of the relationship before saying anything like that.
Some people maybe just cant get themselves to say it. Sometimes they don't feel the need to because its just so obvious. My parents have been married for 35 years and cant spend a day without each other but I don't think I've ever heard them say the words, strange as that sounds! There is a saying that goes, "Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky".
That's the point I'm trying to drive across OP. If he loves you, it will show in his actions. Words are hollow. I've said those three words to people and never ever meant it, as terrible as that makes me sound. I've also not said it sometimes to the man I love the most in the world and meant it more than I could ever imagine.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Ever heard the expression "talk is cheap"?? It is. People say things all the time that they don't mean for whatever reasons. Your relationship is still very young, you are still learning about each other, so I wouldn't be too concerned at this point that he hasn't said "I love you".
For some people, they can say the words very easily. For others, it isn't so easy but when they do say them..Wow! It really means something.
I'm a very expressive, open person. My soon to be husband is not. He is Japanese, and old school Japanese. They do not show affection in public at all, and they do not say "I love you" very often. They think along the lines of "it should be assumed that we love one another I don't say it every day..etc".. He didn't even know how to hug when we met! Americans really confuse him the way they throw around the "I love you"...I have many Japanese friends who all say the same thing. They can't understand how we can say I love you to someone and then go cheat and screw around with other people and say those same words to that person, and then say "I love baseball..or I love apple pie.." etc..
He told me once he wasn't even sure what love was. You can imagine how that crushed my hopelessly romantic heart. I almost stopped seeing him then. And yet I watched him, and the things that he did. He was always kind, thoughtful, gentle and did so many little things for me..without being asked..A beautiful card, or flowers, an unexpected gift, an unexpected phone call...offering money to me when he thought I needed it, going to the store at midnight to get me medicine and a soft drink...
And then one day..he took my face in his hands and said "I love you very very much.." and I knew without a doubt that he truly did. He meant it with every fiber of his being.
My ex husband used to say I love you to me all the time. The same husband that lied to me, cheated on me, and then hit me.
Who do you think I believe loved me???
Actions speak louder than words. Remember that. Watch how he treats you. You'll know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): I am told that I am, and try to be, a very loving and affectionate person. I don't hide my feelings.
I show my feelings openly. I dated my boyfriend for almost six months, maybe even longer; before I would utter those words. I take them seriously, and I don't care who says the L-word first. He says "luv-ya" all the time. That doesn't mean much to me. You say that to friends and puppy dogs.
Yet, I feel the love even when he isn't around. His personality leaves that kind of imprint on you. He's sweet like that.
When I finally said it with meaning, he took both my hands and told me in the same words. Now all messages, evenings, mornings, and disagreements begin or end with those words. If you can say them when you're angry, you really mean them.
I giggle inside when he's pissed-off and says..."I love you but..." So I do the same thing, when he pisses me off.
Don't worry about what he's holding back. Wait until they are said with meaning behind them. When he feels like saying them. If he never does, but shows it all the time. Take his actions over words. I do and always will. Anybody can say "I love you." Show me first!!!
My last relationship lasted 28 years, and I hardly heard "I love you," after we were together the first four years. I'd say it, and he'd say "ditto!" Or, "you know how I feel, don't get mushy on me!" But let me tell you this, and I mean it with all my heart. Every move he made proved he loved me until the day he died. I still feel it. My mind nor my heart has ever questioned it.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Four months isn't that long in a relationship, and love is much more than just the FEELING of it. To most guys, saying the Three Words is an escalation of commitment, bringing on the responsibilities and social contract it entails. We say it because we feel it...but it's more than that for them.
I wouldn't be pressing unless 6 months at least had gone by, because love takes time. You know he's not saying it to manipulate you, which is worse when a guy says it to get in a girl's pants.
He also may not love you yet, and he also might. His actions are the key here.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): Honey... my man said it first time 5 to 6 months into our relationship. After I gave him a BJ. I was shocked and didn't say anything. .. he said it again a couple of hours later and now tells me most days. I wouldn't worry... 4 months isn't that long!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 May 2015):
 May I add my caveat? I've dated (had "relationships") with two women who chose not to (ever) say "I love you..." to me. What I, ultimately, learned was that they DIDN'T love me.... certainly not in what I would call a common or traditional sort of "love".... and that I was going to have to do ALL the "heavy lifting" in those relationships.
In both cases, I carried on trying to convince myself that they DID love me.... But I finally figured that - without water - I would die.... so both "relationships" came to their demises.....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2015):
 My husband said "I love you" at our wedding. first time.
I knew he loved me and he warned me he didn't say it often.
I got a copy of the book "the five languages of love" and after reading it I realized that he loved me more than any man had ever loved me in my life and that the words meant NOTHING.
Even now (when he does say it now and again) I know that what he does (acts of service or time) are how he says I love you and how HE interprets my loving him. (hence my refrain when I'm doing his laundry is "acts of service tell him I love him" LOL
there is a good website for the book with a quiz. I suggest both you and the boyfriend take the quiz and that you read the book.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 There's no time limit on when a person should say the "L" word. In my opinion you should look at his actions, he sounds like he is really into you.
Don't be in a hurry just to hear him say he loves you, let him take his time... maybe he feels you are the right one for you and doesn't want to move too quickly for fear of chasing you away.
Enjoy what sounds like an awesome relationship with a wonderful caring man!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2015):
 There is no SET IN STONE date/time frame someone SHOULD say it.
IF he SHOWS you that he loves you and care for you the words are second best. ANYONE can say the ILY, but showing it? I'd take that over some words.
Your friends might THINK he should have said it a months ago... but you two are still getting to know each other.
Personally I wouldn't worry.
Have you told him?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): some men feel to leave it to the last minute "darling i love you, will you marry me?" but its all a bit early for that wouldnt you say. Showing you he cherishes your company and consideration is far more important. Pimps tell a girl as soon as they figure theyre sexually aroused enough and then after a bit of slapping around they put the girl on the street because they love her so much and dont feel offended if others have sex with her so long as she gets the money to him and no disrespectful eyes...you see what i mean ...the words are not that important, its his behaviour that counts and as he has tried out all your friends before you i would say that they are not qualified to comment.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (13 May 2015):
YES... you should be worried...About the fact you are obsessed with three words, rather than all the "action" being used to show you how much he loves you.
Anyone can say I love you. Showing it...that is where love really comes to life.
For the record...If any man tells you he loves you after three months...You need to be careful... Because that is not love...That is infatuation.
A man who is in love will tell you most likely when his heart is full of that feeling and he has to express it.
Never look for a man to tell you he loves you with words...USELESS... let him show you...everyday, all day, 365...Not only on Valentine's day, Your birthday, and Christmas.
So ask yourself...What is more important to you...3 words, or 4 months of... "he always puts me first in his life, he does a lot of little things for me to show that he cares"
Love comes from the heart...not your mouth.
...............................
|
