A
male
age
51-59,
*arried WC
writes:I have been married to my wife for about 15 years. Her best friend and Mother passed away back in 2006. She was the best Mother In-law that a son In-law could have. In the beginning after my MIL passed away, we had my Father In-law come over for dinner Monday through Friday and Sunday night so he would not be lonely. Saturday nights he would go over to my brother In-laws house. We have 2 children that are older now. Last year my BIL got had a messy divorce and now comes over every damn night! He shows up at 5:00pm on the dot and leaves at 8:00pm. He watches the news (takes over the TV and makes his microwave dinners. Obviously after 9 straight years I have been very patient, but I vent to my wife and she pulls the lonely old man/ depression excuse. He is an only child and very needy. There are only about 3 nights a month were he does his own thing. He also has a key to our house. (Was given to watch our dog). I see him so much there is not much to discuss and makes it so awkward at times. There are some nights my family is not home and he still shows up. I am losing my mind!What do I do?
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male
reader, Married WC +, writes (15 May 2015):
Married WC is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sorry for the mess up, It is only my father in-law that comes over each night. He used to go to my brother in-laws on Saturday nights until the divorce.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): This is quite a problem. You and your wife must get on the same page, and enforce some new rules about visitation at your home. It will not work if one of you will not commit to the new rules you set up.
Maybe go to a counselor/therapist with your wife first, so you can get your concerns acknowledged by her. Also they may have some ideas on how you can relate this new information to the FIL & BIL. They are accustomed to this visitation schedule now, and it will be a shock to them when you change their routine.
Be firm and kind. Change all the locks and sit them both down with you & wife together, and have a little family pow-wow about things that will need to change. No more access to your home without a previous invitation from you; no showing up unannounced.
Maybe you or your wife can visit FIL & BIL occasionally instead from 5-8 on some evenings to help them adjust?
People cannot use you unless you let them.
Best of luck, let us know how it turns out in the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): So, let me get it straight: your Brother in law comes over every night AND your father in law? Whois the only child and who is old and lonely. It's a bit mixed up here.
Thats fine if they are lonely, but why does he comes over when you are not there? That makes no sense. If there are no people then why to come over?
I think a serious conversation has to fake place. It's not ok that you don't. Have a right to say hw you want your everyday life to be.
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