A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for four years, he is studying at university and I am working full times and have been since I was 18.The thing is I am suffering through some hard times and I want to get away from my home town for a bit. My dream is to go travelling and I want to do it so bad. The problem is my boyfriend doesn’t want to. Whenever it’s brought up he just goes on about the spiders everywhere and then changes the subject. I want to live I want to go on an adventure before I get into a very committed job and have my own place and a family. I want to see wonders of the World and experience once in a life time opportunities He says we can’t even discuss it till he finishes University, and that’s another year. I am constantly waiting around for him. I spoke to him about me going to Asia backpacking in a group on my own and he was straight up saying no and how I couldn’t go and he wouldn’t let me on my own. And of course I would miss him and rather share it with him, but should I give up my dream of travelling? Now is the time for me to do it. I have no friends here I just want to pack up and go travelling, even just for a few weeks. What can I do? Or is there nothing? He is constantly mentioning the money and I get it can be expensive, but that’s what I have money there for and he doesn’t see it like that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): If he can't handle you leaving to go travel then he's not that great a bf...my friend goes traveling frequently, her bf waves her off at the airport and will be there to pick her up every time.
Do not ever put your whole life on hold for someone else. You will regret it. You do not require his permission to go any where so merely tell him your plans and go. If he's so controlling he tries to stop you I would leave him for good.
I'm at uni, I get it can be stressful but seriously it's the freaking easiest part of my life - as I work two jobs as well! He could very easily go away over the massive summer break if he wanted to, he's just being difficult.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Stop thinking you need him in order to live. Stop thinking you need his approval. If he doesnt want to go with you, then you go with someone else or on your own. And thats all there is to it.
If he wanted to come with he would make plans to do so. He is not. Its not a money issue, its an attitude issue. So STOP waiting for him and START living. You so do not need him in order to enjoy the world. Never sacrifice your dreams for a man. There is no man on earth who is worth it. Live for YOU, NOT for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): Ok, for me it's very hard to give advice WITHOUT knowing what the "hard times" you are going through are- did you get fired (good for your travelling I suppose as it will mean a redundancy package?). Or do you mean emotionally-stuff with family etc. ?RUNNING away from your problems doesn't solve them...As for the guy- totally agree with everyone here: DUMP the guy. Why should YOU wait around for when it is convenient to HIM?If you are not running away from emotional drama at home, I'd actually recommend you NOT to quit your job just yet. Take a week or two off instead and start by exploring what's close to home. In your case: Europe. So many culture-rich countries so close! Germany's Xmas Markets, Vienna's orchestra, Belgium's beer, Amsterdam's party spirit, Paris's elegance, Venice's romance, Spain and Italy's Coastline, the French Riviera (I believe the Cannes Film festival is on right now?), Romania's mysteries (they say Dracula was from there), Poland's sweeties, Sweden's fish and gorgeous, gorgeous men... Need I stop there?Not to mention the plethora of things you can see at home too (Isle of Wight, Cornwall, Scotland, Brighton, Bournemouth, London?)Look, I think you SHOULD go and see the things you wanna see too. BUT planning a trip around the world is tricky AND it takes time. You don't wanna waste your hard-earned cash on beginners' mistakes. Start small and THEN go big.Work, plan your trip in the evenings. You can see a lot more of the world for your dosh IF you spend it wisely. FYI, sometimes agencies are worth it and can find you long-haul flight etc. deals no one else can. Of course you also have to do your own research and compare... That's why I don't think it wise you just jump on a plane. ALSO, IF I were YOU I'd plan to leave money back home too- you don't have uni education and the job market is not the greatest at the moment (and with the Tories in power not likely to get any better).So, go and have your travels BUT do make sure you have a NEST egg for when you come back HOME so that you're covered for at least a couple of months when you look for a job.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 I *love* to travel. That to me is not something I would ever let someone else dictate that I could or couldn't do. I do it less as I get older, have seen many places, and have other dreams and priorities. But I still do.
If you have a partner or S.O. who doesn't like to, there are two different kinds, the kind who is the homebody, but respects YOUR love of travel, and the kind who not only doesn't support you, but guilt trips or controls YOUR travelling because of insecurity.
Also, if you traveling means that you need an SO to travel the world with, then the way he's acting is a dealbreaker, because you'll never be able to.
My husband's not big on traveling himself, but he doesn't care what I do, and I have no shortage of friends I make plans with, like a cruise to Alaska or Vegas in the summer. Backpacking sounds incredible! I have gone white water rafting and backpacking myself, and it must NOT be missed.
Your guy saying this: "I spoke to him about me going to Asia backpacking in a group on my own and he was straight up saying no and how I couldn’t go and he wouldn’t let me on my own. " - you need to break up with him.
Do not give up this dream. Give up this guy, because it's more than just his not wanting to travel. He will control YOU, and your desires will be secondary to his, and he'll get you pregnant and strapped down to the point of becoming a hollow shell of who you are now.
I mean it. RUN! Get out of this. Run for your LIFE...and when I mean LIFE, I mean don't change who you are. The world is a big and wonderful place! There'a nothing like skydiving, or tornado chasing through the storm-infested Midwest, or walking down Wall Street and Times Square feeling the pulse of civilization all around you, or taking in the streets of Chennai, India or Isla Mujeres, Mexico.
He is NOT your husband. It's not HIS money. He does NOT get to tell you how to spend yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): "He says we can’t even discuss it till he finishes University, and that’s another year."
"he was straight up saying no and how I couldn’t go and he wouldn’t let me on my own."
He sounds very controlling and TBH emotionally abusive. If you pay for your travels he shouldn't be flat out telling you what you can and can't do. If you want to go do so! What you can do is to not let him control you
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 May 2015):
 He doesn't share your passion for travelling and he never will.
Go out there and experience the world! Travelling alone as a woman probably isn't sensible, so find someone who shares your passion and go for it!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 You are still so young, go and experience the world. You are only young once, and before you know it - you are settled with a mortgage and kids, and then there is no chance of experiencing these things.
Your bf's attitude is a bit worrying - controlling - sounds like he wants you only to do what HE wants to do.
Keep in touch - let us know where you are travelling and just how much fun you are having!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2015):
 If you HAVE vacation time and a good friend (preferably female) then why not start out with something easy? Like Inter-rail through Europe?
I have done that twice (ticket is valid a month) with a bunch of female friends (we got the ticket with the boat access too)
First year we did Paris, Nice, Turin, Milan, Pisa, Florence, then down through Italy to Brindisi and over to Corfu and then back home through Austria and Switzerland. IT was awesome.
Second year was Portugal, Spain (and back to Corfu as we had made friends there).
We did met some people who traveled by themselves (but it was usually dudes) I would ADVICE to travel with someone. There is safety in numbers.
WHY don't YOU make a LIST of places you want to go and want to see, and MAKE it happen? Doesn't have to be ALL of them at once, pick one, pick 5.. whatever you can decide on and go.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Go. Go travel, see the world, if you have the money, and if you have some friends to travel with then go.
Who is he to tell you what you can do, or can't do, or even to decide what can be discussed and when. The fact he wont even DISCUSS travelling until HE finishes uni suggest to me he wont even be interested in travelling after he is prepared to discuss it.
So there are spiders, and there are snakes, and monkeys that will steal your belongings, and there are crowded trains and very smelly bus stations, and people who will try to rip you off and people who will welcome you with open arms.
Go to Asia, buy rice cooked five ways wrapped in a brown paper cone from a cart and sit on the kerb to eat it, visit the temples and the mountains and the dirty crappy markets, fight of the street vendors or get suckered into paying way to much for a sarong.
Taste it, live it, and enjoy it, and then go home. You wont regret it, but be warned, by the time you get home you might have outgrown you boring stick in the mud boyfriend, but would that be a bad thing?
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