A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:(I have a question. It's a bit long so please bare with I.) I started going out with this girl in Jan 2008. I had known her for some time before then. Infact she had just been dumped her boyfriend. I believed in her and completely trusted her with my life. By August 2008 she was pregnant. The baby was born in May 2009. All this time everything was fine between us. We were even talkin about marriage. Her parents knew me. In June 2010 I found out that she did two DNA tests with two different guys to determine the baby's partenity-without my knowledge! And this were done immediately after the baby was born so I stayed a full year not knowing that my "baby's" paternity was in doubt. When i confronted her she told me stories which would make Marylin Monroe appear like a virgin. She told me that she never stopped sleeping with her ex boyfriend, that she slept with another guy but also slept with his friend without them knowing, she also slept with two of her Lecturers, she also slept with my best friend. This is beside the two guys she did DNA tests with....all this she did in the period between January 2008 and August 2008. I've tried to quit her but i'm failing! I still love her but i completely don't trust her! But the problem is i'm failing to let go-what should i do? When i see her i get angry, when she's not around i miss her a lot. Infact i tried finding another girl but i still end up going back to her and i think i'm now obsessed with her cause i've now started stalking and even snooping on her Facebook account. I'm not sure where this is heading and i'm afraid of what i might do as time passes.....please help! I'M OBSESSED WITH SOMEONE I REALLY DONT WANT! It's as if i want her to suffer for the heartbreak she has put me through so much so that when i see her happy in my absence i get really worked up....
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Hi. I really understand your situation and emphatize with you. Really there are people who have no problem doing that, sleeping here and there while seemingly committed with you. It is understandable that you feel that way...that you wish her ill when you see her happy, you feel unfair that she got away with it while you suffer from heartbreak.
I know it is very difficult but do make an effort to distract yourself. Try to meet other people, go out with friends, plan a vacation. If you are living with her, it would be difficult to move on. Leave her and find yourself first. Think if you still want to spend the rest of your life with a cheater like her.
I tell you, if you sulk there alone, this obsession will eat you. Believe me, I have been there. I am not totally ok but I am almost over already and I met someone now. If you just open your heart to meeting other people or doing some healthy new things, one day you will realize and ask yourself why you haven't done it earlier. Because this thing will have to end for you, it's for your own good.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, almc +, writes (27 July 2010):
Ok so did the baby trun out to be urs? And did she sleep with all those guys when you where together? You could of got hiv or an std. What was she thinking, but you need to leave her, hope you can but remember she will keep sleep with other men, when she is sleeping with you, hope you can walk away.
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