A
female
age
41-50,
*upidlover89
writes:I recently decided that I did not want to be friends with benefits with this guy I've known for 5 years. The last time we saw each other we got into a little argumentHere is what I said, after the argument:I am sorry about the other day, and how I acted...I just don't want that anymore, and instead of just saying how I felt I tripped I guess...but I wanna be with someone who wants me and only me, so what we do is not what I want from a man anymore, again so sorry.His response was:ok Im sorry about the way it went down, i cant give you what you want, and its probably best if we stop that.I did not respond, but when I said what I did, I did not mean that I wanted a relationship from him, and now he will not talk to me and I want to still be friends at least. Why is he acting the way he is? Should I have just told him I only wanted to be friends with no benefits? Please give me your opinion and help me out?!!!!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Maybe I am being cynical, but I think it if you had told him, the result would not have changed.
With FWB, the benefits part it's the one that really counts, the friends part can be ditched very casually. Like, if you don't give benefits, your friendship only is not worth his time.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 April 2011):
You weren't just friends though - you were two people having sex. You'd gone beyond being friends, and when you do that you have to accept that things can't just go back to what they were.
He is acting this way, because for him there is now nothing left. He can't be your friend without thinking of you as a F-buddy. He can't be your F-buddy because you don't want to be. Therefore there is nothing there to keep him there.
Use this as an opportunity to move on to a guy who wants you as a girlfriend. Chances are you'd have to have gotten rid of him anyway, because any future boyfriend would be wary of having him around.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 He's still hurt from the argument. He wants to give you space so you can find the man you want. When you continue to see this guy then that's stopping you from looking for your soulmate. It's also stopping him from looking for another "friend," private time to reflect, or whatever he feels like doing in life. He feels that you began to attach to him so it may be healthier for you to cut the cord and start your life fresh with someone else. Don't fret over what you should have said or done. If you are meant to be friends you will meet some time again. Perhaps it has become awkward for him to talk to you. He may feel pressured or fear that you may trick him into being a boyfriend because basically a boyfriend is a friend as well as sexual partner. An FWB really is a misnomer because there is no friend and no real benefits after the initial excitement, just a release. It just sounds better than F buddy. A real friend would not just disappear from your life even when the benefits part stop. If he cared about your feelings then he would be more than a friend. When he said he can't give you what you want, he meant he can't even give you friendship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): Hon, you are going to have to accept this man does not want you. He's doing this so you can move on and find a man who does. This one can take you or leave you, as a friend or lover.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (17 April 2011):
I think he was using you, and since he has lost this possibility he no longer needs nor cares about you. He is a guy and guys are not as emotional as girls. You might feel a friendly bond to him but he doesn't really care about that as he can get more with another girl.
You will have to let it go... Don't fall for him. Get over him and move on since you're ready for a "real" guy.
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