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*am's Shoulders
writes: I meet someone and all of a sudden I just cant live without seeing and talking to them everyday. It lasts until they start to bore me or somehow just turn me off. But usually its when they start to get to close to me and I just dont want them in my shell. Dont want to burn my fingers type of thing. Its just bound to happen that you meet someone and they screw you over after opening up to them. What to do?I'm 27 and single white male. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (6 December 2005):
HIWell i can only really give advice from what ive experianced, and i've certainly been through what your describing!I'm a 25 yr female, my first and second relationships were, looking back, the loves of my life. the first just fizzled out cos we were too young and the second broke my heart. Since then i was so scared of falling for someone and having my heart broken once more. I found that when you open up to loving someone, your opening yourself up to getting hurt somewhere along the line. From the age of 20 until about 3 months ago, i seemed to be meeting guys one after the next. with no feelings involved.I guess because i didnt like being on my own, especially when all my friends had partners. i guess i did it for the company, a very selfish thing to do. Don't get me wrong i've never had a one night stand. id meet someone, be instantly attracted, have this huge emotional rush, but after about 3 months, id be completly bored of them and their company. I'd find myself making excuses not to meet them and cancelling our dates, hoping that they would get the hint, without me doing the dirty work and saying"it's not you, it's me, this just isn't working"Every person i'd meet i really liked, but ironically never letting them get too close, always having barriers up. I think looking back i was adicted to the "being in love feeling" the felling that your not in control of your own emotions. maybe i was trying too hard to experiance what i once had with my ex's when i was younger. i found out the hard way, that if i keep treating men this way, i'd never find anyone to settle down with, which is what i wanted. i met someone 3 months ago and found myself automatically treating him cold and keeping this distance between us. then i realised how much i liked him, by accident. you have to work at relationships. the one you settle with should be more of a friend than a lover. yes sex is important to a lot of people, but it shouldnt be the major part of a relationship. you need to be able to talk about everything with your partner, like you do with your best friend. There is nothing wrong with having"fun" as long as you both want that, and neither of you gets hurt. If you want to settle with someone then you need to change your outlook. look for someone who can be your friend as well as your lover. If you just want fun, then look for someone who is only looking for fun also. easier said than done, i know. but it took my 5 years until i realised that my life was too full of men that were my partners for the sake of me having company.noone said relationships were easy. if you spend every day with them, then yes things can get boring. if you really want to be with them, then you'll find ways of spicing things up, even if it's through sex or going to new places or going away for a weekend somewhere. Keeping things spontaneous helps, but it's up to you if you like them enough to make that effort, maybe you havn't found the right person that you feel is special enough to go that extra mile and make an effort with?hope i havnt made you fall asleep, hope this helps?.x Angel.x
A
female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (5 December 2005):
 You want to be in love, but you are more interested in playing at love. If you act as if you are in love with someone, for example, seeing or talking to them constantly when you begin dating, it is only natural that the other person will fall in love. Unlike you, they are actually experiencing those feelings. You are using people to fill a need. You like to be obsessed with a new person because it distracts you from your life, or makes you happy sexually.It is important to remember that you are not the only person involved in these relationships. Don't treat someone in a way that you yourself would not like to be treated. If you want them to be cool, you must be cool and slow it down. And find something you can work (i.e. hobby) so you can busy yourself with something productive instead of getting wrapped up in something you don't really want to be in.Many people feel the way you do about love, that it may screw you in the end no matter what you do. When that feeling goes away, you will know you are ready to be in a relationship again. Don't rush it, there's plenty of other stuff to do.
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