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female
,
anonymous
writes: pls i really need help dont know what to do. am really depressed.i am 21yrs old and my bf is 24yrs. we met two yrs ago. in the early yr in our reltionship he was persuading me to have sex with him and explained to him that i am still a virgin and would like to wait until we are pretty serious because would feel bad if things dont work out when we've been intimate. he seemed proud i was and he has been really patient with me since then. he showers me with gifts and i find out from his friends that he says i am very decent and intelligent girl and he is lucky to have me. about two weeks ago he proposed and annouced in a party to both my parents and his that we are engaged. they were both happy because we have both finished from the university and are working. we decided to make love even though i didnt want to but i just felt like pleasing him. immediately after making love he got up and said "u can go now i have what i want". i was shocked and later he smiled and said i was just "playing" honey. since then his whole attitude towards me has changed. he doesnt call me and has said i shouldnt call him again. i thought he was kidding and kept calling but he has dropped the phone on me many times. my parents and even his parents are furious and said i should return his ring and move on. his dad has said he doesnt believe he could act like this especially to me because his parents adore me.i just feel so used and unhappy. my mum has said i shouldnt feel that way but i cant help it. pls can u help me.what do i do?
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depressed, engaged, move on, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): i'm so sorry. i'm 21 too. my boyfriend was 32.
i am going through the exact same thing right
now. i was dating a guy for almost 2 years he called me his
fiance and told his family he was going to marry me and everything. i finally gave my virginity to him 2 months ago
he didnt exactly kick me out of his bed but he started acting wierd,not calling me,not even answering the phone when i called him but i finally got in contact with him so i could break up with him and he said he was sorry for the way he was acting and that he still loved me and wanted to be with me. so i went to his house and ended up having sex with him again. i know what a idiot right? And i havent seen or heard from him since. its been a month. but slowly i've been getting over it and realizing that WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU WILL ALWAYS MAKE YOU STRONGER. i know its not easy just to say move on and forget about it . i wanted revenge in the worse way and i kinda still do but i've tried to keep myself busy at work and hanging around people that honestly
love me and i'm getting stronger everyday, i have not called him in 2 weeks. and i know you will get passed this too. good luck and remember it happens to the best of uS.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (23 December 2005):
 I am sorry dear this happened to you. I was reading through your posting and i actually felt close to tears. you dont deserve this.
Please i hope you have moved on with your life. This guy is a jerk even his parents are ashamed.
I do wish you the best, you seem like a nice girl and i am 100 percent sure you will find a guy really soon if you havent already. He will regret it trust me. He is very cruel.
Take cared dear and i wish you all of life blessings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): I had something similar to this but it didn't get as serious as marriage... this happends alot and (not meaning to sound brutal) when you stop kidding yourself and when you come to the harsh reality that he is a jerk and he did use you... you will learn from this and you'll meet a guy who really wants you for you. You sound like a lovely decent girl and i'm sorry who had that experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): happens every day, i'm afraid. and i'm sorry.but he's probably not.learn from it and be stronger.you are now a woman.
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (5 December 2005):
 Oh dear, you poor girl, I can’t believe how much of a loser this guy is – you ARE very decent, and he is a complete idiot for treating you this way, and losing you.
You seemed to be doing everything right as a couple, university, jobs, getting engaged, honestly I can kind of understand how you went against your instincts and made love to please him, it probably felt like the next natural step… My jaw actually fell open when I read what he did afterwards…
I can understand you feeling used and unhappy – it would be impossible not to. But this guy is going to be unhappy too when he gets through a few shallow relationships with women who don’t have the same character as you. Only then when it is too late will he realise what he has lost.
This is a tough lesson to be taught (I didn’t see it coming myself), but the only thing I can say to you is that you sound like a fantastic girl, and I hope that you can eventually see this as the opportunity to make room in your life for someone who appreciates that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2005): What a sad posting! I am so sorry this man has done this to you. Dump this jerk...what he did to you is an outrage. You just had an unsavory glimpse into what the future would be like with him...if you stay in this relationship. You want a man with good character, who has respect for you and treats you with dignity. Take control of your life and future and hold for that genuine person. Take all your power back from this man. You've learned a hard lesson about life and love. You now can identify how men like him can slowly take advantage of you and vow never to let it happen again. If you love yourself, it's also more likely that you're going to make future choices that are in your own best interest as well. That means you'll be more likely to take a pass on unsuitable partners out of self-love and self-respect. Hopefully in time, as the memory of this guy fades, don't become bitter -just become sharper, more courageous and peace will reign within you again. Give yourself time to heal from his abuse. And again, I am so, so sorry. No woman deserves to be treated like that! Just keep remembering who you "truly are"...take care and my heart goes out to you, dear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2005): This man is really messed up. Please end this relationship. For a 24 year old man to treat a woman that he's engaged to, like a "used piece of meat"..he is the worst excuse for a human. Kick his ass to the curb..he used you. He felt he was entitled to "boink" you right out of the starting gate but you said NO. Instead, he dated you just to get what he wanted and when he succeeded he has no more use for you. What kind of pathetic person is this guy? You are better off without him.
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