A
female
age
41-50,
*msie54
writes:Im 24 years old and have been in a releationship for 3 years im also 8 months pregnant. The problem i have is that ever since i was 18/19 i have never really enjoyed sex i have it but only about 2 or 3 times a month i dont want to lose my partner over it but ever time someone talks to me about sex or when I have sex with my partner my whole body tenses up. Please help as i feel i might lose him or he might even stray if i give him permission.x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miss_Oz +, writes (2 June 2007):
 This sounds like you may have vaginismus, where your body (more particularly your vagina) tenses up when penetrative sex is looming, making intercourse painful. This is a psychological condition and is not curable by yourself; you would need to be refered to a sexual councellor. You would talk through several aspects that may affect your body's negative reaction to sex, for example; were you brought up in a household that didn't talk about sex, or made you feel like it was a shameful thing? Or, did you suffer sexual abuse at any stage in your life? There are so many factors, including body confidence and trust issues with your partner/past partners. Your problem may not be vaginismus specifically but something very similar; you need to make an appointment with your doctor and explain your reaction to sex and any mention of sex, so they can refer you to a councellor. It could be you don't enjoy sex for some other reason, perhaps something you're not even aware of. Might I add, if your partner has been with you for 3 years and has chosen not to leave so far, then maybe this isn't as big a deal to him as it is to you; however, if you know for certain that he would look for sex elsewhere if you 'gave him permission' then he is not being supportive of you and that isn't how a relationship should be; perhaps you should look at the relationship and see if this man is worth the worry. Your fears that you may lose him will also be making you more nervous and all this added worry isn't healthy for your unborn baby, or you. I suggest having a talk with your partner and tell him exactly how you're feeling; find out how he feels about it and go from there. You may find that all your worries have no founding, or you might realise that this relationship isn't what you want or need. Don't be afraid; it would be better not to be with him than constantly be fretting he will stray because of a problem you can't help, if he really is thinking of going down that route. Also, make that appointment with your doctor; and make sure to tell him/her everything. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): darling how long have you felt like this? Has anything happened that may have started these feelings? When you are pregnant your body does change and you may not feel very sexy, Have you thought about going to a therapist, to work with about what could have started you to feel this way, it could be down to hormones to much of one not enough of another its worth getting checked out love, once you have had baby and thing go back to normal you may feel different, its worth to think about sorting this out with a
doc, it could be something that can be helped quite easy, mail me hun if you want a girly chat i hope this has helped a little take care love, im always here to bend an ear
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789  +, writes (2 June 2007):
 hun, how long have you had this problem? because when you are pregnat things change and you may not want to have sex some ladies enjoy it when they are preg. and some dont it all depends on you hormons, if he loves you he will not leave you because you dont want to have sex, trust me once the baby is born you will only be having sex 1-2 times a month! dont give your man permission to sleep around with other females you may feel ok about it now but once he does you will regreat it!
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