A
female
age
51-59,
*eartachesbythenumbers
writes:im a 41 yr old woman, whose been in a 2 yr relationship with my bf, hes 60, we both been married and divorced with children from our marrages, his children are grown, but his younger son is still living with him, hes 18 and 2 of my children are grown but i have a 7 yr old that lives with me, my problem is, that he is always complaining about how he cant take me out, as much as he wants to, or as much as he use to, we live 45 minutes from each other, i don't have means of transportation at this time, so it makes it hard on my end to drive there to see him, with the price of gasoline these days, he is always reminding me of that, were both on fixed incomes, but i have offered to help him with the gas tab, but he still complains, it's not only about money though, he is always saying that no woman is gonna change him, {i dont want to change him} he saids things like, no woman is gonna make me do something im gonna regret, like marry her, or shack up with her, like where did he get that from? when i ask him what it is he wants from the relationship he saids, well i dont want to get married, i dont want to live together, i want things to stay as they are, once again, i ask him, what does he want from this relationship? we see each other about 4 times a month, considering we live about 45 minutes away from each other, we talk on the phone more then we see each other, when i ask him what he wants from the relationship, he always said, i want things to stay as they are for right now, still im confussed, i have stop asking him what he wants from our relationship, since all he saids is i want things to stay as they are, i did tell him that i felt i wanted just a little bit more time with him, he simply said i do the best i can to make a way to see you, he said but if you want more then maybe you need to find someone that can give you more, those things that he saids makes me feel he doesnt care about me at all, so when i dont call him for about 3 days, or refuse to see him, he gets very very upset and keeps ringing my phone off the hook, or asking my friends where i am. i just dont know what to do about this, i have tried to talk to him, but he gets defensive and hangs up on me, or starts yelling at me, could he be seeing someone else, or is it he just inst that into me? please help me thanks
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (4 June 2008):
My own age is entirely too close to that of your bf, and I generally tend to suggest salvaging a relationship rather than abandoning it. That said, it seems he really doesn't want a serious relationship. I did know a girl like that once, and she never changed. I've flown to other countries to pursue a relationship and consider it time/money well spent. I would do it again in a heartbeat. 45 minutes is a normal commute - certainly I could see doing it 2-3 times a week, though moving in together would make a whole lot more sense. If once a week is all he wants, I would point out that this won't work and you'll be looking. If he starts a serious conversation then, keep it going and see if there is anything worth keeping. If not, keep your options open and good luck.
A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp +, writes (3 June 2008):
 You are ONLY 41 and I say that to make a point. You are still young and there are plenty of men out there that would love to spend time with you and plan a future with you. Lose the loser because that's what he is... Move on.
It should be easy since you don't see each other but 4 times a month. So you've seen him 8 times altogether? That's not a relationship. Get on the internet and check out the dating sites. Everyone is doing it now, going out on successful dates and finding companions who are as lonely as you are.
Get busy, Girl and keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, nandisa  +, writes (3 June 2008):
Sweaty your man might be 60 but he still have commitment issues a nd the way you are doing it shows desparation in his eyes that is why he is going to continue doing it, there is no man who is a commitment type but it is the feeling that he feels that makes him wonna spend the rest of his life with you, you can try talking to him but trust it will never help, its time you got out of the relationship because you are not gatting anything out of it instead he is taking a part of you and he is going to make you have a diferent pee=rspective when it comes to men, as much as you love him but do find strength and courage to leave him.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): I think you need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. He's made it clear what he's willing to give so you need to decide if that's what you'll settle for.
If not, tell him that he's right - you need to find someone who can give you more.
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