A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 years old and have gone out with this guy since I was 18. Like most relationships we started out really happy and so in love. But as time went on I discovered he is bipolar and has a drug problem. He's been in rehabs and stuff and sees a counselor about his issues. Besides the occasional drug use he's also lazy, a liar, inconsiderate, not attractive, unemployeed and bad in bed! I know our relationship is going now where and I have broken up with him tons of times. I once even lasted for 9 months not speaking to him. But in those 9 months, I was heart broken and thought about him everyday, I didn't go on any dates and couldn't even imagine it being with another man. He doesn't even beg for me back or anything, but just doesn't care about anything.I know the obvious answer is to leave and never look back but for some reason I can't. When I am without him I am sick over him and when I am with I hate him. I just wonder what is wrong with me! I give my friends great advice and always convice them to leave there jerk boyfriends. I do not have low self esteem, my life is together, I do not use drugs, I had a good life growing up!! We are total oppisites in every way. I can not figure out why I am so hung up on this guy who I know is not worth my time! At this point I feel like I am stuck with him until he finally dumps me because I can not seem to leave him on my own.
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drugs, liar, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Just read Counry womans answer. Very good advice.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2008):
Because your addicted. Look up addictive relationships. Its not just drugs, gambling, booze that people are addicted to.
One day he will dump you, and you will feel even worse. Why wait til then? Do it now, do the cold turkey, and atleast have the satisfaction of knowing it was you that was the strong one and made changes.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 August 2008):
 OK I know two people around me who are bipolar and it seems to me like you are not taking into consideration his condition in all of this.
He won't leave you EVER as his emotions are just not there, if he is on drugs to control his bipolar they can be put on pills that are like horse pills that are so strong that they either make them zone out and feel no emotions at all or makes them so tired that they seem to feel tired all the time and sleep. One of my friends has pills that are specifically for her mood swings and so they are numbed. They don't have highs and lows like the rest of us they are on one level the whole time so you won't see him feel anything really.
You have been with him and been the one to basically be his carer and so that is your role in life and you cannot see anything else for yourself.
You say he has:-
occasional drug use he's also lazy, a liar, inconsiderate, not attractive, unemployeed and bad in bed!
Girl what are you doing? Are you a clutton for punishment you just say about his faults and you stay away for 9 months but don't actually get on with your life in that time and date other guys, the question is WHY?
You cannot know what anybody else is like because you don't allow yourself to get close to a NORMAL guy. If you did you would realise what you are missing but you seem to punish yourself and then go back to him.
You are 23 for god's sake and if you want to be 53 and still with this guy and having no life of your own or god forbid stay and have children with him then you are asking for trouble, get out NOW! Don't look back be a friend to him maybe in a year's time or something but if you stay he will continue to pull you down with him and when he has convinced you to try the occasional drugs just the once then it will be too late. He is NEVER going to change and with his condition he may NEVER want to. There are varying levels of people whose bipolar is managed very well and you would never know that they have anything wrong with them but sweetheart wake up and smell the roses before it is too late for you to get out.
You say you don't have low self esteem and your life is together, I would say that isn't true as if it was you would have left and stayed away a very long time ago.
You need to get yourself into some sort of counselling so that you start to deal with your issues and what you want out of life for a change.
Give yourself some time but surround yourself with your friends and family and heal yourself emotionally first before you enter into a new relationship but do dip your toe in the water with a real guy who is in touch with his emotions and feelings.
Bipolar patients can get very manic and suicidal so be very aware that you could potentially be putting yourself at risk and by condoning your bf's behaviour i.e. the drugs you are saying it's OK I will stay no matter what.
You are much better than the person you have become by being with your bf and you already know the answer by walking away just stay away next time and don't look back but look forward to the future you want OK.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (8 August 2008):
 ok with that first part if he is so crap walk away!!! their is no such thing as cant deary you wont. you feel bad for him and want him to hurt you so you can walk away. well he wont. you need to be strong to walk out yourself and not make him do it..good luck aphex xx
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