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When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Gay relationships, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 May 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2013)
A female Japan age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after all the nice things I did for him. He gave me commitment but threw me away like garbage. He wrote to me twice asking if it's me calling him from unknown number and he never threw me away. He's saying I'm the one that doesn't want him or talk to him. If it's me let him know and he will pick up then. I did call him three times from my normal number. He knew it's me but he never picked up or called back. Today he wrote to me again telling me it's that simple. If I move to the country where he's studying now, he will marry me and I get a visa through him. I am so pissed.He's treating me like a whore. When he didn't want me, he threw me away. When he wants me, he wants me to fly to him. What should I do? I'm going to get back with him. I just want to move on. Should I ignore him or reply to him?

View related questions: broke up, move on, my ex

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (31 May 2013):

What behavior you want to reinforce is completely up to you.

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A female reader, misLadYd.. South Africa +, writes (31 May 2013):

misLadYd.. agony auntignore and block! And move on..take time to get rid of the feelings you have for him and you will be fine...just dont fall for him again because he will break you

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A male reader, human_male New Zealand +, writes (29 May 2013):

human_male agony auntDon't contact him again. Put it all behind you and move on with your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013):

*from the original poster

My ex wrote to me again asking me to make a choice. He told me we're not working out in this current situation. We either take a break or flying to him. He knows I won't fly to him. He's doing this because he wants me to be the one giving up our relationship then he's not the one to blame and he feels less guilty. He even said if I'm done with him then I'm done. He said fine, sorry, move on. I'm so pissed that he said it like it's not his business. I don't know how to reply to him because he's now being an ass.

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A male reader, human_male New Zealand +, writes (27 May 2013):

human_male agony auntDon't put up with it. Just don't. Simple.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013):

The title of the question sums it up pretty well- he is treating you like rubbish; if he was a decent bloke with better values, he wouldn't treat you like an object - and he would respect the fact that you should be allowed to move on in peace; you deserve better and somebody that just wants to use you doesn't care for your happiness, isn't worth another thought.

Tell him to swivel and find someone of better calibre lol! ;) xxx

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A female reader, shrodingerscat United States +, writes (26 May 2013):

shrodingerscat agony auntIgnore him. He's not really all that into you...men that are in love MAKE THE TIME to spend with you. If you can't even be in a stable relationship while he's in school, what makes you think your marriage will be a happy place? Sounds like you're hooked on an emotionally manipulative and neglectful man. Aren't you worth more than this?

What would you tell a friend if she were going through this same situation?

Probably to dump him,block his email/facebook/phone and never EVER see or talk to him again, right? Yeah, that's what you'd tell her to do, so take your own (hypothetical ;-) ) advice and DTMFA.

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A female reader, Got Issues United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2013):

Got Issues agony auntOther people will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. It's been a long, hard, painful lesson but I have finally learned that. This guy is making empty promises. He's not going to marry you. He's not right for you. You have to stop contacting him. I understand why you want to because you're hurting but the best thing for you would be to cease all contact with him. With the passing of time he will fade to a memory and become unfamiliar to you. One day you will wonder what on earth you ever saw in him. It will take time and it wont be easy, but the sooner you cut all contact with him, the quicker you can start healing.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (26 May 2013):

janniepeg agony auntWorse than a whore. You even have to pay for sex and love. You are giving away yourself for free and he has no urgency to marry you. You should ignore him and never look back.

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