A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband left me a few months ago. We were together eleven years and married nearly five. We have a little boy who was nearly three when he left. He basically left me as he was seeing someone else. It all happened extremely quickly and I didnt see it coming. I've tried hard to get on with life and cope as best as I can.. but then i get days like today when I cant stop crying. When I see him... I dont want him back and I would never give him a second chance because he hurt me so much. I just feel so hurt, betrayed angry etc and gutted. I never in a million years believed he could be unfaithful. What hurts most was the cold way in which he ended our marriage. The man I loved has long gone he has changed so much.. Everyone tells me how brave and strong I've been etc and how nice I have remained to him despite his awful treatment.. but yet the pain sometimes feels so unbearable.. and I just want to know when does the heart ache finally end!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): When u find the answer, i'd like to know . I've got the similar problem
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 The heartbreak you are experiencing is the division between love and hate. You loved him once, you want to hate him now; and you want him to atone for hurting you so deeply.
I feel nothing but sympathy for you, but in the business of "affairs of the heart", betrayal is one of the nastiest ones ever.
I would suggest this. I know you don't want to read it. Try forgiving him. You don't have to love him anymore. You have your child. And you're free to find someone to meet your needs and hopefully that will accept and be accepted by your child.
You do need to do this. If you walk the earth hardened against this man, it will poison your future relationships and destroy any chance at future happiness.
If you let go, then you will feel better in the end. You don't want to see him right now, but you have a child together so crossing paths is inevitable. Try and cope with it constructively.
As for the hurt and pain, I understand it well. You want to get back the good times, and they are being denied you. This makes you hurt inside something awful, and you need love so much now and cannot get it.
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female
reader, Niki9  +, writes (12 August 2009):
I can relate to how you are feeling. My husband walked out on myself and our son last October and I still feel so gutted. (his mother actually blackmailed him to leave us otherwise he would be out of her will) Like you I would never take him back. I feel as though I loved him with my heart and soul for so long... 12 years... and life was never easy... he was not a loyal husband and constantly let our son down... and still does. We all feel heartache differently and there is no right or wrong way to do things. I have found that writing things down in an old exercise book has helped me release alot of my anger. It is a book of my private thoughts... It is heartbreaking when something you believed in for so long has gone. You will probably have good days and bad days... I still have days that I do not leave the house... although getting up and going for a stroll does help... you focus on things around you. I dont believe heartache ever ends but we find our own way to deal with things and grow stronger. I am not sure if you are into reading but just a suggestion Louise Hay book called You can heal your life. You have to believe that you will regain your strength and remember that you have a beautiful child who is a precious gift. Concentrate on what you do have and set some little goals for yourself. I really feel for you and I can only imagine what you are going through from my own experience. Positive thoughts... I know it is not as easy as it sounds but believe in yourself. Take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): Well I feel your pain and heartache, I am currently in the same boat as you, I was with my Ex for 6 years, and we have a 3 year old son, and each have other children from previous, But it has been 8 months, and I am still currently hurting, crying, wondering what I could of done to make things better, and as you are, I sit and wonder why I am hurting so much, and how he can just go on and living his life, like there is no pain for him, how can it be so easy for him, But I know no matter how much anyone says you will get threw it, and soon it will go away, I know how you feel, Cause I hear that all the time, and I cant seem to move on, or get him outta my mind, I sit and hold my son, and I see him, and I just cry, so yeah I have done alot of crying. And I sure wish I knew how to help you make the heartache go away, But I cant, cause I am in the same boat, and yes it hurts! I have even feel into a depression state, and am currently taking a antidepressant, but it dont seem to be helping. But I can go on and on, but I just want you to know I feel your pain and heartache, and the lost and lonely feeling! So if you ever need to talk, just let me know, But I hope it helps you to know I feel the same as you, (((( HUGS to u hun!! )))
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I'm the person who asked that question. Thanks for all your kind words, advice etc. So far.. I've started driving, joined a gym etc so I'm trying very hard to keep occupied etc. I guess there are just days when it hits me like a freight train and I feel lonely and betrayed etc.. i.e...When all the families are out together.. or your friends are doing couply things.. However, then I try and focus on the good things. my lovely wee boy, my brilliant parents, my job.. and I think how lucky I am. At the end of the day.. we had eleven good years and ts sad that it's ended.. but my world hasnt and I must stay strong and accept that I will have bad days but I will get through them. Thank you again everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): You have lost a person who did not love you.
He has lost a person who loved him.
It's his loss.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): there is no specific time so please cry if you need to. an plse take time out to heal and mourn the end of your marriage. "how nice I have remained to him despite his awful treatment.. " you have been the decent one in this. but there comes a time when you need to stand tall and stop this man from hurting you so. yes, if he comes to collect your boy be decent but don't show him any more niceties. just be brief and to the point. he cannot treat you like a doormat any more but he will if you allow him. i know it will be hard but you need to cut your loses. he has treated you like sh1t, yet you treat him well. its time to take back your power and just deal with him briefly. its time to heal and having him around and playing nice means he is still a victor in your life and you are the victime. still. so its time for the gloves to come off and for him to know that he cannot mess with you or your feelings anymore.you are a winner, a survivor and you will win this battle and yes, you will heal. slowly and surely you will get thorugh all the pain. slowly there will be light again and a ray of sunlight. it will take time but you will be stronger, more powerful, more equipped to deal with him and then one day indifference. one day you will have moved on and you would lead a good life with someone else. one day you will open your heart again to love and i am hoping that the one day will be soon for you.good luck and God bless and believe me, the time will come.........
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Well, I am very sorry that you are in pain and that your husband was such a tool.That said your feelings are perfectly understandable and normal. You are grieving the loss of your marriage, your husband and the life you had built together. That is a very real loss and it will take you some time to come to terms with it.There are stages to grief and you can go back and forth between them, they include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.What helps is to try to get to acceptance somewhere in the beginning if you can and get through all of your angry feelings, if you turn those in on yourself you will become depressed and get stuck.There is no length of time it takes to get over a divorce or break up, but a year or even longer is not uncommon...especially as you were together for 11 years...It really helps to start focusing more on just yourself and what you would like to do with your life to be happy. Be kind to yourself and pamper yourself, eat healthier, get some sleep and excercise. Excercise releases feel good endorphins and really can lift your spirits and give you more energy. It is hard to get started, so if you don't currently work out, start with a long walk every day.If you feel that you are falling into a lengthy serious depression, get some professional help. Make an appointment with your doctor and they can recommend a therapist for you or perscribe antidepressants to help you get over the hump. If you are under constant stress, your body produces a stress hormone called cortisol which can reduce the levels of seratonin in your brain which is responsible for pain reduction and mood, your brain can't keep up with the production of seratonin and you have depression, sleep disturbances and some physical pain....so don't be afraid to ask for some help. Depression is not something that you can will yourself out of.Just remind yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, it is your husband's loss and his issues that caused this. It is very disappointing when someone you loved like that let's you down to say the least. In time you will be ready to date again, but until then take care of yourself.
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reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Ciao Bella, I am really sorry that you feel like this. A relationship ending it really tough and it hurts like no pain anyone can imagine. You just need to work through it. It is like chemotherapy for cancer, some days you are stronger than Superwoman, other days it is like someone put kryptonite in your pocket. But my advice is to feel it, don't try not to feel the pain, work through it walk through it, if you feel like crying, cry until you are all done. Wipe your tears and carry on with your day. No one expects you to move on instantly and be all wonderful about what happened. You are hurting.What you can do to help the heartache go away is perhaps any memory you have of your marriage, put it away. Have some friends come over and do a spring clean, over some wine and some good music, ( nothing about broken hearts ). If you get a moment in this where you end up crying, you'll have your girls there for support. Your friends are your gems in this. Try to not have anything around that serves as a souvenir of your relationship.You have a beautiful boy who needs support as well. Papa isn't at home anymore and that confuses him alot. Ensure that he knows Mama and Papa love him even though they are apart and that none of this was his fault.You can get through this, give it time...I know you can do it...one day the pain won't be so bad and it will get less and less worse. I commend you that you maintain your grace and dignity at a time like. Being on polite terms with your ex will also make the transition easier for your little boy.I hope things work out for you and that you find your peace again.Take careAna
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reader, misswalston +, writes (1 June 2009):
 There is no definite date of when heartache ends. It ends when it ends, but you still have to go on and do what you need to do for you. You have a lot of history with your husband, so your emotions are going to be all over the place. But you know what I have learned about heartache is that it is a one-sided thing, because the person who caused it is not feeling anything. You carry that heartache all by yourself especially in a situation where you were cheated on and they left you. He or she is living their life, so you must do the same and find a way to get over this. This too shall pass........Start dating!!!!!!!
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reader, niki20 +, writes (1 June 2009):
 the heart ach is going to last a while, you just were crushed you have to give yourself time thats all that can truely mend your heart, and spirit. Just be patient it will get easier with time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): It could take years:( whatever time you need huniyour husband was a Fool. and he will soon realise what he has lost and come running back to you. he just wanted a "cheap thrill" and has thrown away the best thing thats ever happened to him! Men can be really stupid and thoughtless sometimes..but remember they arent all the same.take your time to get over him, cut contact completely. Pamper and LOVE yourself. =) get a haircut etc.whatever makes you feel GREAT. because you are worth a MILLION of him, he should never have hurt you like this and he will pay for it.. Karma eh?if he promises he will never do it again you and him both could go to counselling (but if i were you I wouldnt take him back, he could cheat again)..BUT is he worth the risk?..
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