A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently found myself in a messy situation. I have been drawn to a guy and did not realize he felt the same way so I was truly amazed when a couple of weeks ago he made a move. One thing led to another and well we both have acted on our feelings and it is amazing we both feel free around each other and can't seem to get enough of one another. The problem comes from both of us being married. Help please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): q1605, i am not the OP( who queried your age) but i think you made valid points. its a pity the woman will just mess up her life all for the sake of a few minutes with her hb's best friend. what is even more tragic is that she will take down innocent kids with her, 2 destroyed marriages, and years of untolf pain and suffering. but lets look on the bright side. her hb and her lovers wife will go out and find decent loyal people and then will survive the betrayal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): q1605, you really do have a sense of humour. if i am not mistaken you are in the 41-50 bracket or is it 51-60 age. nice words (lol) . just one thing. i don't think our poster will recognise the acid tongue advise that you have given her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): "All I am asking for is some help I don't need you to place blame I need help cause I am honestly at a dead end right now and don't want to let the guy go but don't want to hurt my husband or his wife ........"
That's right having an affair with a married man is a dead end, no where to go unless he leaves his wife.
Are there children involved on either side? If so you are tearing apart their lives, too.
You make it sound like this guy has been pining away for you, and that because he liked you, it is some how not your fault, but a delima brought on by lack of attention from your husband.
Problems in a marriage can never be solved by turning away from the marriage to someone else...what did you expect, your husband to get jealous and pay you more attention, do you want to punish him for ignoring you, maybe just a little?
There is no way to keep the married guy and not hurt everyone else involved....we can't help you unless you want us to have the affair for you so you can check out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Things do happen – its always going to be like that! However you are married & you should have though of this. In the long run – your spouse will find out [either by other people or you confessing]… The truth has a way of coming out. You are having an affair - this will destroy everything that you have with your husband… Try to put this past you – I really wish you all the best….
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 Just tell your husband. You are way too immature to be married. It is his decision now whether to stay married that you selfishly spread your legs for another man. Leave your husband so he can have a life with someone he can trust! That person is not you. You are a selfish liar and cheater. OWN WHAT YOU DID AND SET HIM FREE!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): wow, so you want your pie, with the cream as well. your hb is his best friend and you are like sisters with his wife. what are you. some naive school girl. you say you do not want to let him go. "and don't want to let the guy go but don't want to hurt my husband or his wife ........" please re read all that you have typed. you do not want to leave this married man.
what help can we possibly give you? i am so confused by you. lets get this straight. you are having sex with your hbs best friend.
you are very close to your lovers wife- just like sisters.
- you don't want to lose your lover and ebd your affair
- you don't want to hurt your hb and the lovers wife?
you want help but you are not prepared to do the decent thing and end it with your lover. the reader who said "sounds like you are going to keep doing whatever you want" is right. please listen to the others as well. you will get caught. we all know this yet you are acting so naive but not naive enough to mess around. Eyes wide open has again hit it right in the middle. " Marriage is a two way street, you're the one who chose to turn it into Adultery Ave., not your husband. "
just becareful during your bbq . you are playing with fire and will be bbq'd together.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2009):
 All I can say is piss or get off the pot. And you're right, your actions, one way or another will cause hurt. Marriage is a two way street, you're the one who chose to turn it into Adultery Ave., not your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): He and my husband are best friends and me and his wife are like sisters. He has been intersted in me for a long time I have came to find out through talking to him since before he got married, he kinda got married because he thought I was happy and now he and his wife are having trouble and heading for divorce. My husband and I are not compatiable at all he does his thing and I do mine. This guy though he brings life out in me life I have not felt in so long , but I don't want to hurt anyone either way I go though someone gets hurt our spouses our us ... we are around each other all the time .... so even if we end it then we will still have to see each other. I never in a million years imagined something like this would happen and I am not asking anyone to be judgemental cause until you have been here you don't know how easy it is when your husband would rather go out with his friends than spend time with you so when you get that little bit of attention you know what you thrive on it. All I am asking for is some help I don't need you to place blame I need help cause I am honestly at a dead end right now and don't want to let the guy go but don't want to hurt my husband or his wife ........
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2009):
yeah that makes it a problem alright. Marriage can be such a nuisance can't it!? So it was one thing that led to another huh? Not your fault..those pesky one things that lead to another are at fault. Now what kind of help are looking for, need me to distract your husband while you slip out the back door?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): What is your question? The problem is you are both married. Stop seeing him immediately and focus on your marriage and fix the problems there....you both are cheating your spouses and families, and you are both a direct threat to same.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Ouch!You need to come to a decision what is important in your life. You have found this insatiable connection with a guy but you do have a guy in your life already in the form of hubby. He also has a wife. You are being unfaithful to your spouses and that isn't very nice in the first place.But in the end of things, what is important to you? Is your family life and your husband more important? What made you do that beyond the flirtations? Are you happy in your marriage? Are you willing to suffer the consequences of what has happened?Usually if you ask yourself these questions, things might become a bit clearer. But before this goes any further, you need to sort your feelings out.
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