A
female
age
,
*ist-mist
writes:My common law spouse works for an organization which he was a manager and is now working in another department which is up there in the ranking. One day I went on the computer and he had left his yahoo open. He was receiving work e-mail through his yahoo account. Well, I found letters from female employees telling him that they are so thankful to have him as a friend...He is such a good listener and how they loved him so much. One of them asked to borrow money and that they could talk about the arrangements for payment later. She had asked him to meet her at the coffee shop and then ended the letter referring to him as tiger and ending it with xoxo. When I confronted him he acted as though he was surprised by the letters and said he would speak to the big boss about it. And, when I asked about the tiger name he said it was the year of the tiger and that the xoxo means not what I think it does. "Umm Okay".Then he said he didn’t understand why she would write that. (Yeah! Right!)I went to one of his work events and there was this younger woman there constantly looking at me...Then I realized that she was the same young woman we had bumped into at a drug store a couple of years back and she just kept staring at him. (Just food for thought.) I am now very uncomfortable when he is at work.
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female
reader, Bee4ever  +, writes (30 November 2010):
I would stay quiet and monitor things closely. If there is no reason to distrust him I wouldn't keep treating him like he's done anything wrong. Their shouldn't be any more work "misunderstandings" and you might want to stop by and have lunch unexpectedly with him as a nice surprise and I'm sorry. Seeing how he interacts will show you how friendly people treat him. Under no circumstances should he be borrowing other women money but I'm sure that is something you will catch if you share an account. If their is no other evidence then continue to look your best and be the kind of woman he enjoys being around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): It is so true that so many men do flirt at work. Sometimes the flirting gets out of hand and the little femme fatale and her ageing 40 something married friend is all smitten with the interest the 20 something is showing in him.
He, misguided ageing male with thinning hair thinks it is because he is oh so attractive,
Wrong.
In truth the misguided girl thinks she is securing a job advantage by cultivating her older colleague.
Everyone sees it unfolding. Except the ageing lothario thinks no one has noticed his puppy dog reaction to the girl.
And the girl thinks she is being so subtle and 'under the radar at cultivating 'her' man
But everyone noticed from day one.
Show your presence with rare unannounced drop in at work.
Not too often, mix it up.
You can only do a unannounced visits every 2 months.
Always different. Always unexpected and unannounced and at different times.
For instance: Maybe 30 mins before his finish time: a rare 'had to take car in for attention, it'll be lovely to go home together, i'll wait in foyer.'
Have a sweet talk to the receptionist as you wait. Maybe ask 'where's the best place to get a coffee?' she will tell you the favorite place at work. Clue - make sure you and a female friend drop in to that coffee place on what is the pay day at your man's work. a little before 12.30. If it is the favorite lunch hang out you will see him arrive.
And you and your friend can wave at him to join your table with his work colleague he has with him.(female of course). Your friend can ask what work she does. Watch your man's body language.
Or drop in to your husband's work unannounced at 11.55am and give him a big kiss, invite him to lunch with you you.
On his birthday make him a cake to share with his colleagues for morning tea, but you bring it in, arrive at 10am. And you stay for the cutting of the cake. Chat to the girls he works with. You will pick up vibes of what is happening.
And do attend work functions.
Keep talking to staff at work when you drop in. They will tell you what work functions are coming up where spouses attend.
And at work functions where spouses attend Don't be shy about going up to the girls your man works with and saying Hi. Your mere presence, and seeing to standing there looking attractive and obviously happy to be with your man, enjoying his company will put paid to any comments he's ever made about you that suggest you are not fun.
Mix it up and cramp his style. The girls will get the message.
I cringe when i see work functions where a married employee arrives solo, and then proceeds to have lots of flirty fun with girls young enough to be His
daughter.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 November 2010):
 I'm not in a relationship, but some of my friends will call me pet names in a joking fashion. Many women sign xoxo at the end of emails as well. I don't think any of the ones I get actually want to hug and kiss me, that's just the way they communicate.
I think you may be reading too much into this. Ulitmately it all boils down to trust. Do you trust him? I agree that some of this is unsettling, and sometimes trust is misplaced, but do you have any other reason to doubt your hubby?
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