A
female
age
41-50,
*md050727
writes:I dont know where to start or if my marriage is too far gone. He has informed me that he would rather masterbate to porn than to touch me. We do not have a very active sex life and he has always stated it was because of his depression. I find out recently that he has been masterbating to porn on our computer and he has admitted to this. He says cause he dont want to touch me cause we fight too much. He has made me feel like I am worthless and unattractive even told me to find someone else to take care of my needs cause he wont. We have a 2 year old daughter and i do love him. But how can I stay with someone who hates me so much and has made it clear to me. I dont even know that I would want him to touch me after what he has said to me. I have never heard of anyone going thru this is it my fault or does he really hate me that much?? Not sure where to turn........divorce?
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female
reader, Amd050727 +, writes (1 December 2010):
Amd050727 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of this still not making any sense. I can hardly stand to look at him right now, it just hurts to bad. He has always been obsessed with oral sex ( more receiving than giving) and that is what he is watching according to my history on my pc. But he tells me that I do that great. But then again we have not had sex in months. He has been diagnosed with depression and states that he has no sex drive, not on any meds. Refuses to take. So if no sex drive why can he get off looking a a freaking computer? Everyone around him tells me and him that I am attractive...........but he makes me feel disgusting. Last few days I been wearing my hair down instead of the "mommy" ponytail and even wearing make up. He has not been home long enough to notice. But then again I DO NOT want him to touch me right now? Will that feeling ever go away??
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 November 2010):
 It sounds like he's given you the two parts of the problem.
1) Depression. Either that's causing the lack of sex drive, or the meds he is taking for it (if any) are causing that. Talk to whoever's prescribing it. Also consider that sex naturally releases hormones which combat depression, which masturbation does not (at least not nearly to the same degree). Working porn into your sex life may be a half-way point to kill two birds with one stone. I understand that you may not be enthusiastic about that, at first, but it's one solution.
2) Doesn't want to touch you because you fight too much. Who is starting the majority of the fights? If you stop initiating fights, and stop participating in them as much as possible, that would reduce the amount of overall fighting quite a bit. Consider the things you fight about most. Is there some way you could just take care of the problem, make it so there's nothing to fight over? Be sure to tell him that you'd rather solve the problem than fight about the problem.
3) Not sure if this applies, but consider how you look. Going to the gym will make you feel better overall, and if looks are a problem, may help with that too. Grow your hair back out if you've cut it. By some lingerie.
Now, I'd try all three solutions before considering divorce. Divorce would seriously hurt your child, so it should be an option of last resort.
I understand that after all these things he's said, sex with him may not sound very appealing. Honestly, I wish he'd come on this site so I could tell him to shape up. But this sounds fixable to me. Attack from both angles - everyday life, and the bedroom. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Seduction. Seduce him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Well if there is anything you can do to keep the arguing at a minimum try that. Dont close communication with him and refuse to talk because that only makes it worse. You can try seducing him into having sex with you. Pick up some lingerie and see if you cant seduce him ;). Other then that, if you really love him; keep communicating and give him support if he really is dealing with depression
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Well, first of all marriage and love is not all about sex, though it is important as we all know.
My advise will be to try to talk to him seriously about his problem but before that you need to start taking it easy on him and try to avoid anything that eventually leads to fights (try to learn from previous mistakes).. you can sometimes just try to "bite the bullet" but of course don't over do it!
On a side note, if he loves to watch porn and masturbate to it then for sure he enjoys it more than normal sex (sad but true) so you can try to give him more hand-jobs and blow-jobs (if you don't already do).
I would try to stay away as much as possible from divorce unless he was cheating or something like that.
Hope this can help!
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A
female
reader, ArizTerry +, writes (30 November 2010):
 It sounds like you donmt have much of a choice . Take your daughter and run.
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