A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this girl for 4months now, we have been going out for one month. Our relationship is going perfect, we get along so well and never argue. Anyway more to the point, she is 17 I am 19. On the days she spends out with me, she gets told to be home by 10.30. If she is late by 10mins she gets grounded. So I try not to be late, this last time I dropped her off 7mins late and she got grounded from seeing me for 7days. I am a little surprised at her mum being so harsh on her. The timing is not the issue, I know I need to respect her rules but it does make me feel like she is not happy with her daughter seeing me? Anyone have any idea what else could be up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I don't think this has got necessarily anything with liking or disliking you as a person. If her mom really disliked you, she COULD break you up and prevent you from seeing each other - at least officially -, since her daughter is a minor and still lives at home, didn't you think about that ?. If her daughter is allowed to date, and to date YOU - it means you are OK, at least sort of.
As for the " harshness "... I sure have been much less of a disciplinarian than this lady, and my rules were much more flexible, but I can see her point , I think she is strict but not crazy.
The point of setting a curfew is to have it respected exactly, and obviously in your case 10.30 is the extreme time limit acceptable, otherwise why bother , it would be enough a " don't come home too late " or " make sure you don't go to bed too late " if your gf could be trusted to set her own limits. And, kids DO tend to take advantage. If you don't say anything for 7 minutes, then it soon becomes 15 minutes, then 30 or 40 . If you think about it, 7 minutes is not a big deal or a big amount of time... and neither is 30 or 40 , as for that ; at the end of the day , even if she comes home 30 or 40 or 60 minutes late, that does not automatically mean she's going to end up in juvenile, or as a junkie, right ?
BUT, a curfew is also to see if she can be responsible and organized enough to stay within certain boundaries, - which obviously she ( and you ) are showing she can't.
If the curfew is 10.30- then she ( and you ) knows she needs to plan and organize so that she is home by 10.30, not by 10.37. If she does not, - there are consequences, so she'll know what to do to avoid them next time.
From this point of view , I can't but plaud to this lady for her coherence, that's exactly the way it should be done : there's a rule - then there's a break of the rule- then there are going to be consequences . Each and every time.
That, personally, I was never willing/able to be such a stickler for rules, that's another story. And, tbh, probably also explains why my son, although being a great guy who never gave me any big comcern.... has such a hard time for ever arriving punctual anywhere :).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): Well OP if you keep helping her daughter break the rules of her home then you know what that looks like.
It says nothing about what her mother thinks about you. Just that there are rules and she won't tolerate her daughter breaking them. if you keep being the cause of those rule breaks OP then she will have a problem with you.
Just make sure you get her home on time next time OP it's not hard to do. If you don't want her being grounded from seeing you for 7 days just to have an extra 7 minutes with her then make sure she's not late.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Perhaps it's not just you and it's every boyfriend that her daughter is dating?
Her daughter is 17, probably going to be 18 soon and after that she won't really have a say in anything her daughter does, so perhaps she is being a little too harsh because she fears losing her daughter?
I have a 1 year old daughter and I am not looking forward to her dating, I can only imagine.
Just be patient and have her home on time!! On time! Respect her rules and she'll like you a hell of a lot more for it, trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): I believe it might be because of the timing and seeing you, the reason why I say timing is because that's how my mom is about my curfew but it's also is you too because mothers are overly protective over there daughters and might not fully trust you, or scared for her child to be hurt.
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