A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This one goes to the ladies out there.To what point should you be considerate of your man? Let's assume it is your man's birthday, how far is a man worth going for? Like I understand in modern day societies it is expected for the man to go above and beyond when it comes to his woman like for anniversaries, birthdays, dates, mother's day..etc. But for the man what is the expectation? Like for example, my girlfriend prefers that everything I do for her should be "one-of-a-kind" and not something every girl can have. So is it safe to assume or think most (if not all) women would prefer to have something unique. (Correct me if i am wrong i mean no offending matter) But for a man socks, ties, tools, or t-shirts seem to be the norm nowadays. The reason I bring this up is that I unfortunately lack the creativity to create a unique gift for my girlfriend. I tried but I'm not a man who is capable of performing such expectations for every special occasion, but I stil try (ifs that is worth anything). Like during my Valentines, I bought my girlfriend earrings from Kay's (but other stuff as well) and all she said was "oh..they're nice" but in a disappointing voice. My girlfriend said she needed more "feminine products" this past xmas so I actually went into "Bed and Body Works" asked for help and when she opened the gift, said "thanks" but again seemed disappointed. Nothing I have given her really gives a response where she jumps up and down and hugs me in joy..its just "thanks" even when I made something from scratch, it took her till we talked over the phone that she said "i like this kinda stuff." So Do I have to make something from scratch all the time?And for my bday a month ago, I was expecting my girlfriend to do something but I was wrong. I thought we were gonna have lunch together but she ate with another guy. It wasn't till days later she gave me her gift. Then she said I was "easy to please." Its something I never forgiven her about. Every year at least I try to do something different but I know she doesn't Like the same stuff year in and year out but every year she just gets me shirts from American Eagle or I have to go with her to actually point out my gift.So is man's birthday, fathers day, or anniversaries really important? I ain't no father, but I know when it comes to anniversaries its not "ours" its hers, and my bday is not necessarily my "day." Thoughts? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 In my own relationship, we are equal parts. I spoil him as much as he spoils me, and if he gets the gift wrong, we talk about what was wrong about it and go an exchange and I reward him somehow for not being mad at me. Our relationship it positive in gift giving, not negative. You should try to do this. Be equal and positive in your giving of gifts to each other. Maybe she would love a heartfelt card or engraved bracelet? She sounds like she needs you to emphasise that she is special and gets what other girls don't. Personalise each gift to her, and see if that is what she likes. You could even pick out a stone with meaning behind it (find them in any free spirit stores) and turn it into a necklace. Pick a meaning like love or strength. In regards to her treating you on your special day, she is sorely letting you down! And you should talk to her about being equal givers on your special days and that your anniversary is a day to celebrate your relationship and love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): She sounds like a shitty girlfriend. So she expects bespoke gifts from you but thinks its ok to get you a t shirt and have lunch with another guy?!
I'd show her the door. It's fine to get your partner a t shirt if that's what they like but not totally miss the day etc... when she is expecting so much!
Her next birthday perhaps have dinner with another woman and see how she likes it.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 "Like I understand in modern day societies"
I feel that what you describe here is specific for the USA, not necessarily the rest of the world. Americans have some very.. distinct ideas about gender roles. They aren't into equal rights at all, in my opinion. Which is far from "modern". Your customs seem more old fashioned to me.
It also sounds like you have a high-maintenance girlfriend. She expects to be treated like a princess when she's just a commoner.. She sounds spoiled. Was she a lone child? Does her parents have loads of money?
Have you told her you aren't pleased with the way birthdays are one sided? What you aren't so easy to please as she thinks, and that you want her to put in an equal amount of effort for your gift as you do for her?
One of my best friends spoils her boyfriend rotten on Christmas gifts and birthday gifts. He just started studying and has zero income, whereas she works as a dentist and makes loads of money. So she buys him expensive and well thought gifts, makes him hand made cards too, and goes over the top with several gifts as well. Yes, she expects to get a classy gift in return, but she definitely goes over board in giving things to him.
I also try my best to give my boyfriends great birthday gifts. One ex gave me a DVD one year for my birthday, whereas I gave him expensive concert tickets...
So to sum it up: what your girlfriend expects isn't "normal", she's spoiled. Talk to her. She's too high maintenance and you're not so "easy to please" that she can just delay with giving you her gift, or worse: bring you to the shop to pick out your own present.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I agree that your girlfriend doesn't sound like a very good girlfriend. Having lunch with ANOTHER GUY on your day is just inconsiderate of her. Its good that you do nice things for her and atleast try but how can she expect so much from you when she makes little effort? Its unfair to you if you're constantly trying to please somebody who is unappreciative of your efforts but doesn't even set a good example herself. So now what does she expect?
She expects the world of you but gives very little in return. Sounds like you need to have a good long chat with her and tell her how you feel first off and then decide from there what to do. GOODLUCK
...............................
A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 I'm not the best person at giving gifts~ to anyone. I love my boyfriend so much, and when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he just wanted jeans :P and i've got him socks since he needs new pairs and won't buy them himself. He's not really a materalistic guy, so he wouldn't appreciate expensive watches or aftershave. He's not into sports or cars. And as we're both students I can't afford video games. I always draw a hand-drawn card and usually I bake something, but sadly i've not had time for this one. I agree with the previous poster, I'd have seriously considered dumping my boyfriend if he did that to me on my birthday, going out with another girl. She seems ungrateful too, and you can probably find someone nicer. Though like me, some people are just bad at picking out gifts :P
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): My boyfriends birthday last week, i spoilt him rotten, bought him a piece of furniture he was after and also surprised him with an extra gift on his actual birthday (the furniture piece is on order still) and took a sickie from work to take him out for lunch as he had the day off. My birthday last time, he bought me some beautiful gifts but i didn't even care what he got me because its the thought that counts. The best gift of all? Spending time with him. Sounds corny? I dont care because i dont think gifts should be a way to buy love. Your girlfriend doesn't sound like she has much appreciation and it sounds like any anniversary would be stressful to buy her something! A guys birthday and special dates are JUST as important. And of course your birthday is YOUR day!! I think you need to stop trying so hard with this girl, if she is so hard to impress, she's not worth your time.
...............................
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Um, not be rude, but your girlfriend sounds like a bitch. My boyfriend is very romantic and always does something special for my birthday, mother's day and our anniversary.
But I also do very special things for him on his birthday, father's day and our anniversary. It doesn't sound like she appreciates you very much, she had dinner with another guy on your birthday? That would have been the end of my relationship.
Have you considered moving on from this woman? Or asking her out right why she is so selfish and never thinks of you? These are your special days too.
I think the amount of effort a woman puts into birthdays/anniversarys and special holidays reflects how much she cares/loves the person she is with.
I would consider talking to her. Bluntly, don't beat around the bush.
Cause if she isn't going to treat you special, especially on the days you deserve it most, perhaps it's time to move on and find a woman who will.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
...............................
|
