A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Technical question - Are you committing adultery if you aren't the married person in the affair? If you are the girlfriend of a married man, are you still considered to be an adulteress? And would you only be his mistress if he supported you in some way? Or can you call a person a mistress just because they are sleeping with a married man?Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): Having been in a long marriage only to find out that my husband had led a double life for many years, I would say that adultery is a man made state that lets the half of the duo that has been cheated on robbed of time to be free!! Honesty would have released them both but the man likes to keep the "little" woman in bondage. I hate him for that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany Thanks to oldfool, Danielpew, Irish49 and all the posters who took the time to answer my question!!!!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Technically , she is not a mistress as the term means a kept woman.
She is his lover as she does not depend on him financially.
If she slept with her lover who is a married man ,
then it is adultery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, One more time, the people in question are Barabara Walters, the First Lady of Journalism, and Oprah Winfrey. Both of them had affairs with married men, and they both shook hands and agreed that they were never anyone's mistress even though they slept with someone else's husband because they weren't "Kept" by the men. I was just wondering if everyone here thought that was a baldfaced lie or not! I was shocked and disappointed by two women that I look up to!
Do single women who sleep with married men think that they aren't committing adultery?
By the way, the only married man that I sleep with is my husband! LOL!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI always thought that both of the parties committing adultery were adulterers even if one was single, because they were both party to the adultery. Is telling yourself that you are just "Involved" with a married man letting yourself off the hook? Sounds like Barbara Walters was pulling the wool over her own eyes.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (7 May 2008):
 Sorry, it appears that the poster herself isn't the adultress. It's some person on Oprah.
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male
reader, oldfool +, writes (7 May 2008):
Hey, I'm only looking at this question from the technical viewpoint!
Looking at the link supplied by Irish49, namely http://www.answers.com/topic/adultery, you find that the focus is on the married person.
Wikipedia says that "the definition of "adultery" differs in nearly every legal system"
The law dictionary says:
"Under some statutes, both parties to an adulterous relationship are guilty of a crime if either of them is married to someone else. Other statutes provide that the act is criminal only if the woman is married."
"In some states [of the US], only the married party can be prosecuted for adultery. If the other party to the relationship is not married, he or she may be prosecuted for fornication instead of adultery.....Under some statutes, a prosecution for adultery can be brought only by the spouse of the accused person"
So she may simply be a fornicator!
Worrying about the legal terminology is not particularly important, of course, unless you're caught up in a trial.
In the case of our poster, the question is basically, "Can this horrible term 'adultress' be applied to me or not?" I guess she feels intimidated by these sinister and opprobrious words "Me? Committing adultery? Fornication? Come on, I just screwed the guy, give me a break!". The fact that she did something immoral doesn't seem to be a problem -- she just doesn't want to be called an adultress!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExactly. Two of the top women journalist and icons of our time just went of national television and decided for all of us that we should all do this or that because they did it that it was somehow acceptable! It's not just Fox News that tries to warp your brain and tell you what is true or not true, I'm just a wee bit disappointed that by "Empowering" each other, Ba Ba and Oprah left ENTIRELY the WRONG message out there.
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male
reader, oldfool +, writes (7 May 2008):
Merriam-Websters:
Mistress: "a woman other than his wife with whom a married man has a continuing sexual relationship"
Adultress: "a woman who commits adultery"
Adultery: "voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband"
Judging from this, she is a mistress. Whether she is an adultress or not is not totally clear from the dictionary definition. We tend to think of adultery as a breaking of the marital vows. Since a woman having sex with a married man is not breaking any vows, it's hard to tell whether she's technically an adultress or not.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 May 2008):
 I agree with Oldersister. The good think is that none of us is among those just slurping it up.
I think there's a reason for all this chit-chat. Being called "adulterous" or "mistress" feels derogatory. This woman wants to be just that, but wants us to believe she's different. As in "Purchase Advisor" instead of "salesman".
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrankly, I was rather discouraged today when I saw a special on Oprah; an interview with Barbara Walters. They had an "Ah Ha Moment" (Oprah copyright infringement and patent pending) when Barbara convinced Oprah that she wasn't a "Mistress" because she wasn't "Kept" and that somehow, being an independently self-supporting individual who is "Involved" with a married man is Somehow the fault of the wife and the marital relationship. THEREFORE the marital relationship is VOID and the Adulterous relationship is Therefore Not ACTUALLY a Lie, a Sham, an ACTUAL *Betrayal* with a big fat 'Skunk' or 'Skunkess'. I'd just like to know the technical terms.
And it's a shame that we all aren't human enough to understand that "special" relationship that all those other human beings understand so much better than the rest of us, the ones that are committing adultery... Anyways, that was the reason for the question. Thanks to everyone for the answers!
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Whatever you cal lit, it contributes to the problems in our society. You either do good or bad. What do you imagine it is?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Well it's wrong, do you really need to know any more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!! No need to get technical - we're talking about being human here!!!!
I'd never have understood adultery until I was in a similar situation.
I've never been at lack for suitors and I've never as much as looked another girls boyfriend, nevermind a married!
YES! IT IS ADULTERY! AND YES ADULTERY IS A SIN! IT'S WRONG!
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse. this is from the link provided by Irish49; thank you....
I think that definition falls short of one thing... that while that says intercourse... having any kind of romantic liaison with a married person too is adultery whether one has intercourse with them or not. Understandably most people perceive adultery as only being intercourse... sometimes however a romantic liaison or such leads to a sexual and very one-sided relationship...
Being a Christian I believe that one has already sinned in mind and spirit by our thoughts... that leads to sinful actions.
I really don't appreciate people calling women adultresses. I also don't see how the woman can be singled out as the bad one in the affair!!!!
I didn't have an affair with a married man but was pursued by one.... I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for him.... but it's wrong! Nevertheless, my point realy is that I didn't have an affair with the man I had people calling me left right an centre try drive home the point that HE WAS MARRIED! SHE'S PREGNANT WITH THEIR SECOND CHILD! SHE'S A SUCCESSFUL BSUINESS WOMAN JUGGLING A CAREER AND A FAMILY! - oh I forgot to add it wasn't his friends or family calling me but her friends and colleagues -
NOW, FIRST AND FOREMOST. It's not as though I care about what she has or who she is (so far I'm not impressed!!!!). I've worked hard for what I have and who I am and no one's taking that away from me by calling me an adultress when we havent even been on a date!!!!
My thoughts are and feelings are my own - not even he knows that I liked him... and even had i had the affair - give me a break and let God be my judge!!!!
As a married woman and having my second child and being as successful - I'd have a whole lot more dignity and self-respect!!!!
I certainly wouldn't be calling the other woman or have my friends call or whatever!!!!!
Thus far I think I've held onto my dignity and my self-respect far more than the "wife" has...
I respect that she's successful and that she's having a new baby and that she's got a career... and, I suppose she's got her husband...
I haven't overstepped any boundaries and quite franky I'd appreciate the same kind of respect back...
I'm not condoning adultery in anyway AT ALL!! I'm just saying don't be so quick to judge...
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 May 2008):
I don't know if you, dear poster, are just looking for the information, or want to define a situation. I think it's the latter.
Whatever way you look at it, and whatever name you give to it, sleeping with a married person is wrong. It doesn't matter who keeps who, or who is married. No matter what, there's a third person involved, the one who is being deceived, and the outsider who sleeps with the married person is deliberately dismissing the pain that third person will feel. This sounds complicated, but it can be summarized this way: you "boink" (lovely word, Irish :-) ) A, your hurt B.
This idea of defining when is adultery or when it is not sounds like legalese to me. This is "theft", that is "larceny", that is "robbery", and so on. In Spanish, there are at least two legalese words to describe the same thing: a man who takes a girl without her consent. Rather than the millimetrically precise definition of a word, I would look at the intent behind the action.
The same with mistress.
That said, I know why adultery happens sometimes. A has been neglected or abused by B for so long that the "boinking" (again,I just love the word :-) ) is A's way to find the affection that should exist at home. A flower pot was dry, and the waters of adultery came and overflowed. Who wants to be the first to cast the stones?
One little child we knew defined adultery as "something that adults do".
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Check this out:
http://www.answers.com/topic/adultery
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Yes, yes, no, yes....in that order. Adultry is when one of or both of the couple is married to another...plain and simple. So if you are boinking a married guy...you are an adultress and he is an adulterer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I think any woman sleeping with a married man should take a long hard look at them self. Yes, you are participating in an adultress relationship; which makes you an adultress. You are his mistress only because the word means to have "unlawful" long term sexual relationship...look it up...its called the webster dictionary. I am not being short directed at you it is the subject, I have this done to me and it hurts.
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