A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick and really weird question but I still would like the answer.If I'm pregnant (still waiting for results) then I really don't want any one to find out at all. So if I went to the doctor and wanted an abortion what procedure would I go through and would the doctor tell my parents or keep it totally confidential?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Hi, I am not going to lie when answering your follow up questions. I can only tell you of my experience.
Get it done as soon as you are sure, its an easier thing to deal with then. I was quite far gone and it was very difficult to deal with but I kept in mind that I had nothing to offer a baby at that time in my life.
Firstly I was scanned (you dont see) and they print a pic and place it in a file, its not of a baby its a different view so they can see overall view and it just looks like a ball.( I looked in my file)
You wait around quite alot ( I think that is to give you chance to change your mind) You see a doctor, they talk to you about whats going to happen, then more waiting.
I was moved to a room with beds where you change into a gown, there are about 5 other people in with you. You are told that it is now time to be certain, the nurses were great), you are then given some tablets that abort the baby, the stomach pains are excruciating and after so many minutes you are walked into theatre, you are given a general anaesthetic and go to sleep, you wake in the room with the beds with your curtain pulled round, the stomach pains have gone but you are filled with sadness, you can hear other girls sobbing and are likely to shed a few tears yourself. You will have a sanitry pad on and you may bleed like you were on a period. You have to stay until they tell you that you can go, you are allowed to see someone if they have come to support you, some people chose to stay overnight, as nobody knew what I was doing I called a taxi and went home.
So there it is,for all to see.It not nice and people should not judge those that choose to abort. You would have to be heartless not to feel something for that baby, thats why it is so hard and what the girls go through when they have to abort have to live with that. I believe now that it was the wrong decision for me but at the time I felt I had no choice.
On that note, thanks for listening, Please dont make your decision based on the fact that your mom will go mad - you have to make that choice for yourself based on what you want to do or you will regret it for the rest of your life and I am sure that will be more torture than that of getting stressed over your mom. This is a life you are talking about, let us know what the test says. And please think long and hard, whatever choice you make, they are both going to be tough without your moms support.
A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (6 May 2008):
Here is a link that can give you details on abortion procedures in the USA. They are very similar in the UK. Just be sure that if you are using the family computer, you know how to completely erase your browsing history:
http://www.fwhc.org/abortion/ab-procedures.htm
You can go to the root of the site - http://www.fwhc.org/ - for more information. I could have written out a summary, but this gives you the choice to learn as much or as little as you wish.
I would beg to differ with Jen86's answer - I believe she is referring to late term abortions. Early abortions(less than 12 weeks) are generally done in a doctor's office in the USA. They use the vacuum aspiration technique and are relatively quick, unless, of course, you use a medical(pill - RU486, etc.) abortion. Depending on luck, skill, and you as an individual, they may be anywhere from painless to moderately painful. It's important to deal with this quickly since the procedure gets much more difficult after 12 weeks, and the earlier the better. It's also important to rule out an ectopic pregnancy(tubal pregnancy), since that can be life threatening. The doctor or clinic will do this.
Please spend a bit of time alone, meditate, and realize that this is an adult decision that you must make even at your age. It's unfortunate, but that's part of growing up. My personal thought is that no child should be born that is not wanted, or that can't be fed - we can barely feed the world already. Abortion won't affect you being able to have more kids, but STD's will, so be careful. No birth control is perfect, but using no birth control doesn't work at all. When you see the doctor or clinic, make sure you get birth control, use condoms if you have more than one partner, and plan personal time to deal with the emotions from your experience. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): No honey they wouldn't tell your parents at all, it's all completely confidential and they're not allowed to tell a soul! Not even your parents! Great, eh? But please make sure that an abortion is really your only choice, because there ARE other options. The gift of life is the greatest gift you could ever give (this does NOT count giving your boyfriend a rabbit for christmas! I say this from personal experience unfortunately..) so have you considered putting your baby up for adoption if you are indeed pregnant?
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (6 May 2008):
It's important to get an abortion as soon as possible once you're sure, but I don't agree with telling your mom unless you are comfortable with it. I have stood by many women when they had to make abortion decisions, and once worked as a rape crisis counselor. If at all possible, you want somebody of legal age with you - ideally someone that knows the ropes. I don't know if your bf is mature enough to handle this, but since he helped cause the situation, it's appropriate that he should help you - if, in fact, he can be more helpful than dramatic and, of course, if he can keep his mouth shut. The friend can be male or female, but must be emotionally mature and trustworthy.
If you have to, you can go it alone. It's harder, but possible. Counseling helps some people and not others. Follow your feelings here. Remember that half of all potential pregnancies are naturally aborted by the body in the first month or two, and it's nothing to be guilty about, though it's important to take responsibility and act fairly quickly.
I can go into detail about the process of an induced abortion in a later response, but I want to post this first.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 You and your Mom should go to the Doctor together, Hun. This is not a healthy way to treat yourself emotionally or physically and you should get some counseling to prevent this from happening again. You need to speak with your Mom. If you are depressed and pregnant for the second time, you need to talk with your family about your problems, your lack of self-esteem and your lack of protecting your own health by not using contraception, by exposing your self to disease, and by not protecting your future fertility by taking care of your own body. Please talk with your Mom, even if you are worried that she might be angry, you need her love and care right now. Good Luck and Take Care of yourself!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am really close to both my parents and the last time I told my mum that I thought I was pregnant she went ballistic and I suffered from bad depression. I would tell her but she would really dislike me for a really long time and I wont be able to cope with the stress coz word spreads fast around my area.
Just out of intrest, how does an abortion work?
What happens before, when its happening and afterwards?
And thanks for all your advise too
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): No the doctors can not disclose any information to your parents - also it is not always necessary to stay over unless you choose to. I went in, had it done, had to stay a few hours and got a taxi home alone to an empty house...you dont need someone to look after you although it is helpful if there is someone to support you emotionally, thats the hardest part, well it was for me.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 May 2008):
Google "Education for Choice" in Britain. According to their website, even if you are under 16, your confidentiality is protected, BUT, you do know that you have to have someone responsible for you to bring you home and care for you the first day.
Even the best kept secrets have a way of slipping out, perhaps you could use your Mom's support right now. She might be disappointed, she might be angry or disapprove, but she loves you and I'll bet she probably understands what you are going through and would want to help you and be there for you right now. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Well a doctor SHOULD keep it confidential!
However, I don't see the problem with your parents knowing? You need support, abortions are tough things to go through. Are you not close to them? Or are you scared what they'd think of you? Sure, they might be shocked and upset but they'll help you through it!
I know it's still uncertain as to whether you're pregnant or not but assuming you are, wouldn't you consider keeping it? Think it through; talk to your friends, family and the father of the baby! It's not a decision to be made alone.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Hi Hunny
Everything is confidenial with doctors they are not allowed to discuss any of your medical notes with anyone
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/talking_to_your_doctor/gp_confidentialityteenage.shtml
Hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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