A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so im talking to this guy about having sex with him so i can have a first time. i really like him but i dont think he feels the same way.. he is only 2 years older than me. should i have sex with him? he is in college and im a junior. and how bad does sex hurt? when your cherry pops is it awkward cause of the blood? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 You sound very young...Your virginity is something you only have once therfore "give it" to the one you plan to be with foever so he doesn't wonder what you did and with who. Trust me, After 46 years of marraige to a non-virgin, i still wonder and it's not healthy. Hold on to your virginity , it's a very special gift to the one you love..and i don't know about blood and all , you see I missed out on beingwith a virgin.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): you might as well lose it. After all you already decided.... a nice guy who actually is a player (you will learn the hard way) wants sex with you and you want to give it away on a plate. It will be painful as its casual sex, he might have a disease, and its unlikely he will allow enough foreplay for you to be in the mood. So you wont enjoy it.
Or you could wait 2 years or so and have a very special first time. Its your choice.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Many times the pain is totally bearable, many times there is just a mild discomfort or notjing at all, many times there is little or no blood, and there is nothing particularly embarassing in losing your virginity, BUT ( and again BUT 9 :...excuse me darling, you are not even sure he likes you ( which probably means he does not like you, because if he would like you you would sensse it feel it and know it ) ..and you want to give him your virginity ??? For what ? As a prize to his indifference ?-
Don't do it, honey, don't be a fool. Make your first time special, something to remember in years to come.
Your first time is a landmark in your sexual and emotional life, a new beginning- and like all new beginning it should be happy and auspicious... You are sort of "junxing " yourself and your love life by giving yourself to someone who does not care. Because you'll give yourself the subliminal message that ,all in all, you don't deserve any better and you have to make do, and be content with what you get. Nope ! Bad start !
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (30 August 2010):
The content, as well as the tone, of your question indicate that you aren't ready to be sexually active. And, if you are as uncertain, and apprehensive, as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this guy. You may have hormones - but you also have a mind and emotions and it doesn't sound like either of them are ready for sex. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake!
At the core, your explanation sounds like, "Well there aren't any interesting movies showing this weekend, and this guy thinks it may feel good to masturbate into my vagina, and I'm curious, . . . so this seems like a good time.". Young lady, if you want a no-strings first time with somebody who may know how to minimize your physical discomfort then you should be looking for a 30-year old married guy to break you in. (He won't talk, and he has the depth of experience with one woman to know how to pleasure you, and "read" subtle clues about your arousal and what you're feeling.)
Because I respect the honesty of your question, and the courage it took to ask it, I will give you a complete answer. This is information you can easily find at least a dozen places on "Dear Cupid", if you make the effort to look for it. Simply because I am giving you this answer does NOT mean that I approve your idea, much less tolerate it from my own daughter.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice, but it's only around 20% or less who say it was anything like a "bloody mess". I have been with only one virgin girl. She used tampons, we did lots of fingering and oral sex before we tried intercourse, and the first time hurt.
Our first time was pretty quick. (That's how it is for most virgin guys, unless they have a knowledgeable and considerate partner who has some idea of how to make it better for him.) We didn't notice how much she was bleeding - it was about like a somewhat heavy period - until we finished and uncoupled. I was a bit shocked at the mess! Fortunately, I had a washcloth and warm water already on-hand and used it to clean her up. The bleeding stopped in just a few minutes.
At the very least, you should spend some time - several days at the minimum, to a few months, and in YOUR case several years - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month.
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
(There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]. Maybe somebody saw it and saved a copy, and can repost it.)
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female
reader, 21w +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Yeah I agree with other girls about not losing your viginity just to lose it. Make it special girl! If you are not interested in him a lot, if he is not madly in love with you...don't waste a very important moment of your life with a random guy.
But to answer your question...my first time was...painless and no blood at all. Nothing! Of course I didn't get orgasm or anything like that...but no pain or anything like that.
So if you decide just remember to use a protection. And...enjoy it. BUT....with a special guy! Good luck!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Yeah, he just wants your virginity...he's in college and there are tons of girls there. Think about it. I too regret my first time and wish I would have held out for a better boyfriend.
My cherry popped and it was a small amount of blood, it hurt and I made him stop after a few minutes because it was too painful. After time, and a little more experience then that will go away. Make sure you're safe be on birth control and he needs to wear a condom. No glove, no love!
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female
reader, almc  +, writes (30 August 2010):
Naw you said he doesn't like you, then naw don't have sex with him! Keep it for someone that loves you and cares for you. Its something you will remember for ever!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Iv said this before and Im saying this to you again...
Sex should only come once you are sure you really love and trust this guy. Sex when you have a loving relationship can be wonderful- but if not it can leave you feeling terrible (used and generally a bit dirty).
Also, your first time really should come from a place of love and trust. You say you really like him,but you're not so sure if he feels the same way. That is definitely not a good enough reason to have sex... that too for the first time!!
But yes...I agree with LLindy87...its all relative...and its not the momentary pain that will hurt you, as much the feeling after.when you think...shit what the hell have I done?? The first time could have been SO much better with the right guy!
Im telling you this because I made out with a guy who was awful...and I regret it to this day!! My first kiss was with a loser...who was pathetic and it was yucky!! Imagine what it would have been like if I had had sex with him!!
Anyway,hope everything works out for the best...
Good luck!! xo
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I tell this to all virgins: Don't have sex just to lose your virginity. Keep it until you find a guy you love.
I'm a hypocrite saying that, because I did lose it just to lose it. BUT I REGRET DOING THAT.
but to answer your question, its all relative. Some girls find it painful and not enjoyful the first time. Some don't feel pain but enjoy it.
my cherry didn't pop the first time, it popped while having rougher sex a couple times after my first time. But no, not awkward for me with the blood part, but it depends on how you and the guy are with each other and your comfortableness.
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