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male
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*arkkav
writes: Me and my wife have had many problems over the last ten years and have been separated twice now and the last is only 3 months ago.During this last time I have been going to counselling for my verbal anger problem and up until 4 weeks ago we were still great, being intimate, having fun, just being good around each other. She was still in love with me and had feelings and was comfortable around me, until she kissed this guy from her work. Then all of a sudden they are dating. She introduced him to her family they spent heaps of time together with each other, with his kids as well as with our son. They slept together and she really had deep feeling for this guy and lost all love emotion and love for me the day she first kissed him. Now all this time I have been destroyed, and all I have done is be there for her, telling her I'm madly in love with her still, and I am going to wait for her. Then I asked her on Xmas day as a present, I said "if it doesn't work out with you and him, will you give us another chance and work on things slowly?" She said yes.This whole time I knew she was rushing into it all and was making a mistake because I did the same thing when we first split, but I never stoped loving her.Now only a few days ago she rang me very upset. I went over there and she told me they split up and she was pregnant with him and the way she was feeling was unbelieveable from my eyes, considering they were only going out for 4 weeks and she felt soooo strong about him. This guy was 11 years older than her and was married and divorced twice.I think he just used my wife, but now all I want to do is help her and be there for her. But she is still saying "I need space".I try to touch her and she feels uncomfortable. Things like that and I'm sooo scared of losing her when I know we will be OK in the future. After getting help for myself as well as now knowing how to treat and respect a women properly, but I just want her to give me that chance to prove it to her.Can I have some advice on what to do from a woman's point of view so I can understand what she is thinking at the moment?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. It must be awful for you, knowing that your wife is with someone else and loves someone else when you are still very much in love with her. Well done on getting your anger sorted too.
Your wife is hurting bad just now. She probably feels foolish, used and unworthy just now and needs a true friend to be there for her. YOU can be that friend (as well as her husband). She trusts you more than anyone so continue to be there for her but DO NOT make any moves on her sexually at the moment. She is very emotional just now and needs someone to TALK to, the last thing on her mind at the moment is you getting heavy with her. I know it's hard for you as you love her dearly and want to show her physically but now is NOT the time.
Just be there for her as a friend right now. Be a proper gentleman and give her lots of hugs but that's where it has to end for now. She needs to get her head around what's happened and this will take time. Whether she will choose to keep this child is up to her and I'm sure that will be one of the things going on in her mind just now.
You have been great through all of this. Your self esteem and sense of self worth must have been shattered knowing your wife had chosen someone else over you. Now you need to treat her very gently with a lot of tlc and wait...
If she can see you can be there for her at this traumatic time then she will SEE for herself that she was a fool to let you go and hopefully, in time, things will get back to normality.
Eve
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): It's time for you to move on - difficult I know but it really is. Even if she mends her relationship with you it's only until another guy comes along. Find someone who really does care for you. And be nice - you dont like it when someone curses at you so dont do it yourself. Being alone can be worrysome at first but it's better then being made use of as a doormat.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): What going on in your head!!! Another dude is laying pipe to your wife; she gets pregnant and you don't understand why she wants space. Hint: She views as a spineless weakling; what guy in his right mind would act that way in your situation!! Oh Please darling let me be there for you, "GROW SOME TESTICLES!!!"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): "I need space". means your worthless or less, stop being so needy , drop the situation like a hot potato , take up salsa , learn to swim, RUN.
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (11 January 2006):
You both need to go to marrriage guidance counselling together and sort out the tangled relationship you have. She sees you as too needy and therefore doesnt respect you as a man and you will put up with anything just to make sure she is in your life.Thats not a good receipe for making a good relationship. You have to be strong and decide if you will act as a doormat or be assertive and manly about whats going on.She gets uncomfortable when you touch her and ask for reassurance about the future because frankly, it repels her when you beg.I feel you would do best to seek professional help on how to repair the damage you continue to do to yourselves and your relationship.
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