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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, and its great. However, since we have been together he has made it clear that I cannot have any male friends besides him. Due to this I have lost contact with all of my male friends and feel I cannot make new male friends because I am worried that he will be angry with me.This wouldn't have bothered me too much, but most of my friends were male because I tend to get along better with men. But now iI just have a few female friends he 'approves' of. He always asks 'Who's texting you? Is is a guy?' when my phone beeps.I do love him but I feel so lonely and isolated sometimes and regret losing contact with my friends. I have told him how I feel but he doesn't change. What should I do? I'm not sure if this behaviour is normal in relationships. Are women in relationship not meant to have any other male friends besides thier partner?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Girl I understand where u coming from because my boyfriend of over 3 years doesn't approve of me having any friends at all. He thinks that when a girl is in a serious relatioship with someone she should not have guy friends. I don't agree with him but I go along with what he says cause I love him and I don't like to get him mad, but most of the time I feel lonely cause I don't have any friends. He thinks that girl friends will talk me into cheating on him so basically the only friend I have is him. U know something I trully believe that our boyfriends are like that maybe because they got played in a previous relationship, don't trust us or they are just insecure and believe that being around other guys will make us cheat or stop loving them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Hi. If your boyfriend loves you, then he should also trust you. There is nothing wrong in having male friends. I've also got a partner; he has female friends and I have male friends. There is no harm when relationships are based on trust. If there is no trust, it's never gonna work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): If i was you i would tell him where to go, he is controling and by the sounds of it very insecure.. you deserve better, it is not normal to not have any friends,, do yourself a favour and tell him to get help , and when he doe's he can come back.. life is to short to be a victim of someone elses insecurities..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): Since this is an old post I'm not really sure I'm going to add anything helpful, but here goes. Is it possible that your boyfriend is just more intuitively alert about other guys' intentions towards you? My 1st boyfriend trusted me wholeheartedly and never questioned any of my male friends - even though I was having 'emotional' affairs right and left. My later boyfriend, now husband of 7 years, is more perceptive. With my truly platonic male friends, my husband has never had a problem - and oftentimes he's become friends with them as well. But with my guyfriends who were once attracted to me, or perhaps still are, my husband is somehow able to sense this. Bottom line - your guyfriends, if they are truly guyfriends, should be able to make your boyfriend at ease. That's just a defense of your boyfriend although perhaps I'm wrong and he's genuinely unreasonable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): Well Im 18 And Im Pregnant With My Boyfriend's Baby....And It's Really Stressful Because I Do Get Along With Males Better Than Females...I Have Never Cheated Either And It Hurts Me Because I Feel Like He's Accusing Me Of Cheating When Im Not...And I Know He Tends To Get Along With My Friends A LITTLE TOO WELL And When I Mentioned It To Him...Im The Crazy One...What's Up With These Fellas These Days...But I Truely Do Love Him(Moderator Note: next time, please use proper sentence capitalization. Thanks.)
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female
reader, missapril123  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 I am in a very similar situation, I have only been with my boyfriend for about a year and our relationship seems to have the same characteristics as your relationship does. I've never cheated on him before so I don't know where these feelings came from on his end about not trusting me and what not but I hate it! I am only 19 and have lost pretty much all of my friends due to my relationship. I'm very lonely and wish that I could learn to balance life with friends AND a boyfriend. As for you, I can't really offer any solutions, I'm sorry, but I can sympathize with you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): There is a lot of good advice on this wall and the reason that I am reading it is because I am actually also looking for an answer to this question. I am torn also with loosing my old guy friends and hindering me meeting and making friendships while we are dating. We have been dating for 4 1/2 years. I think it is important to realize what you want from the relationship and what you want in any relationship that you may ever have. I think talking about the issue with your boyfriend is the best thing that you can do and trying to work it out. If things don't get better, you may need to stress the importance of the issue to him and go from there.
Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): how would you like it if it was him that had female friends i am sure you would be the same this is the mistake lot's of female make
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): my husband would prefer me having only female friends also cuz men start problems with me. they always try to get me to divorce my husband and they start harrassing him.
but no thats not normal in a relationship. plus i cheated on my husband a few times so i kinda deserve what im getting, and i doubt that u have. I bet u are a wonderful person. But Im not going to tell u what to do, but i wouldnt stay in a relationship where my husband tells me not to talk to men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): i have the same question, i am meeting my ex soon and my boyfriend got mad and he doesnt trust, i would like to know how to earn his trust again, i did cheat on before we broke up and we are now back together,and i love him more than ever so how can i earn his trust again
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): I am in a very similar situation and have been for about 5 years - things have gone from bad too worse, I am not in touch with any of my friends I had five years ago. You must sort this before its too late - if you talk to him and explain how lonely you feel he must realise what he is saying is wrong, if not does he care about your hapiness as much as you would want?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): tell him that u loved him and aske if he loved u. if a person truly luved u he wudnt haf done this to you...in another angle to look at this suitation, he is trying to protect you but in a wrong way. Protect u from being harmed from other male friends. Hes afraid to lose u, he's afraid that male friends will do bad stuff to u like touching you..so try that =)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): I don't know if this is still a problem but, I understand how you must feel...feeling as if you have to get your mate's "ok" on every friend you make. It's tough, I know. As people we should be able to chose with whom we befriend. However, your boyfriend is just trying to look out for you the only way he knows how. Most guys see girls with boyfriends as a target. They want to see if they can get her away from her boyfriend. The easiest way to do it is to make you think they're not interested. This is when you let your guard down and allow things to slide. Things that you previously wouldn't allow. I have a girlfriend and I told her that I have no problem with her making guy friends, but watch out for they guys who want to be her "guy" more than her "friend". Talk with your boyfriend about this and see what he has to say. I'm sure that you two can work it out! Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): my boyfriend is exactly the same as this, and has even accused me of sleeping with his best mate!!! i sympathise as i know what you are going through, and i think the advice given here is great, and i have taken a few tips for myself!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (11 January 2006):
 I understand tending to get along better with the opposite sex. As a man I prefer female friends, and often my partners have been women who prefer male friends. There is nothing wrong with prefering the company of the oppsite sex. In my case i am simply not a 'laddish' lad and rather dislike laddishness to be honest.
However it is worrying that your b/f does not trust you and wants to isolate you in this way especially when he seems to have no just cause for not trusting you. I agree that you need to speak up for your own needs. You need friendships outside the relationship. Maybe you should approach things gently and your b.f will open up about the reasons for his insecurities and you will be able to progress from there. Dont go all guns blazing and make him defensive, be firm but fair.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (11 January 2006):
 This is very sad and I do feel really sad for you that you've lost all your male friends. I'm the same, I have mostly male friends and I make sure, when I meet a new boyfriend, that he knows that friends are important to me and he will never come between me and them. I go for meals and drinks, even to my male friends houses. I know he can't be 100% happy with that, as he doesn't know the guys, but he trusts me and respects my freedom.
I think you need to speak to your boyfriend. If he is not willing to get help to sort out his jealousy/trust problems then you simply have to get rid. You need to have a life as well and you will regret losing these friends even more as time goes on. He doesn't own you, you can see and speak to who you want. If you're trustworthy, you don't deserve to be treated this way.
Please do something about this now, this can't go on for you. Also, try and get back in contact with your old friends, don't lose them over this guy. Good luck and be strong.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 January 2006):
 I'm concerned that you "tend to get along better with men." But I'm more concerned that the man you've been with for three years is controlling/non-trusting enough that he'd constantly pester you as to who's calling or whose text messages are popping up on your cellphone.
I'm a strong believer in women cultivating friendships with other women. It was not ever thus, but I've come to realize the importance of embracing the good (and the bad, or the difficult) of one's gender.
There is no "normal" when it comes to this; the rules of each relationship are established by the participants in that relationship. It sounds like you're doing a little too much following and perhaps not enough speaking up for yourself and your own needs. Again, I'd strongly suggest your cultivating relationships with people of your own sex, too, but I worry whenever one party lays down a kind of law for the other party to follow.
Figure out what *you* want from your life, from your partner. Figure out what *you* believe to be acceptable in a relationship. Then make your decision about whether to abide by the current "rules" or opt out of the relationship.
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