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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dearc CupidI have been without my boyfriend for a week now he refuses to pick up my phone calls and he never calls or comes a sees me. In the past we have alot of trust issues and we argue and fight most of the time I feel like he is Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde one moment he is nice and the other he is mean. Yesterday he finally picked up the phone and was really mean to me considering I did nothing to cause he to stop talking to me we kinda got into a little argument last week and I just hung up the phone a did'nt call him until the next day but every since then he does not want to pick up my calls. I am always the one crying and begging and trying to hold us together and he is the one that never apologizes or tries to work it out. Well I finally talked to him yesterday and he was saying that he needed time and that if he wants to talk he will call me or I call if he wants to talk he will pick the phone up he stills says I love you and that he misses me to whenever I bring it up if he still loves me why is he putting me through this why is he being so mean? I have been in along term relationship with this man and I have been the one to shed a lot of tears and just wait around until he decides he wants me. What should I do I feel really bad about myself like almost embarrassed just because I am tring to hold us together i feel like a big problem. I know we can work this out but this time it feels different please help me to understand this please I don't know what do to please give me some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Dear Anon,
Check out Narcissistic Personality Disorder, on the web. You just may get your eyes opened! Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): In my opinion i think that you are just wasting your time with this guy. While you are trying to put effort into making this relationship work he just isn't bothered. Finish and then forget about him, he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Angel-Face  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 dump him hes only trying to play hard to get and he seems a real jurk just dump him love its the best way.Make him suffer for awhile and your girlfriend find someone eles a nicer lad ok
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A
male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 I take a very "What have you done for me lately?" approach to relationships. Your question sounds like the only reason you have to love this guys is a combination of positive experiences in the past and emotional investment.
Would you fall in love with him if you met him today?
Thats not to say that you should drop a BF if their mother dies or they are having a rough spot, those things happen but they are temporary. However, when daily life becomes a chore and you cry more than you smile your relationship is not about celebrating love but fearing the unknown.
You can't communicate with your boyfriend, he is inconsiderate of your feelings, and you did not mention one positive thing about him in your post. I think it's time for you to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): Did you also post this yesterday?
Anyway, he clearly is not into the relationship the way you are. If he was, he wouldn't be so nasty, and he would be calling and contacting you.
You want to know how to work it out? Well, why should YOU be the one constantly trying to patch it up and putting a lot of effort into jump-starting your relationship when he clearly makes no effort?
He told you he needs time (you can interpret that as not wanting to get in touch with you) and told you that "if" he wants to talk to you he will call you. Now, notice he said 'IF' he wants to speak to you. He did not say 'WHEN' I want to talk to you. This should tell you something.
No wonder you feel bad about yourself when you are doing all the running and he's doing almost nothing to maintain the relationship - except be nice when he feels so inclined, but more often nasty, mean, insulting, arguing with you and you tell us there are trust issues!
As long as you are willing to put up with this kind of behavior you will continue to be depressed and unhappy. You said "I know we can work this out, but this time it feels different." Perhaps you should pay attention to the "feels different" sense you have of it. Perhaps your heart is telling you that its time to put an end to all this unpleasantness by dumping him and not looking back.
I know you WANT it to work out, but face it, he's not likely to change his behavior, especially since you have expressed your displeasure over it in the past and have (presumably) asked him to do better.
So. You asked for advice and want to know what we think you should do. My recommendation is to let this relationship go into the garbage bin. Sorry, it may have been very good at one time, and you may have precious memories, but clearly it deteriorated badly, and he has neither wish nor intention of making the necessary changes to improve.
Again, if he did value what he has with you, he would be calling, emailing, sending texts and IMs and you would see some very definite steps in the right direction. In the absence of such steps, much as it may hurt and be disappointing, stop contacting him, and let it end. You will be sad for a time, but if you can learn from this experience and think about what you want and do not want in your next relationship - and go about enjoying your life, taking care of yourself and staying busy - in due course you may find a man who really is devoted to you and with whom you can be happy.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Your boyfriend is obviously having second thoughts about your relationship and has asked that you give him some space so I would respect that and give him the space he needs for now. Wait a couple of weeks to see if he gets back in touch with you and busy yourself for 2 weeks.
If, after 2 weeks, you haven't heard from him then call him and ask how he is and if he's had enough time alone to think about things. Let him know you don't know where you stand and just want to know if he wants to continue seeing you. Wait and see what he says! If he says yes he does then great. If he says no then you have to respect that and move on.
It seems to me that you both fight and argue more than is healthy. Do you really want to continue in a relationship like that anyway? There are lots of other guys out there who are in the same situation as you and would love to meet the right person and give them their undivided attention. It may be time for you to call it a day with this guy and go out there and find someone who will really love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Good luck ;o)
Eve
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