A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 3 years we have a wonderful relationship and only had one bad patch and now its all back on track- he loves me and tells me so and I love him very much too. I recently made friends with a girl and I think she is great... as a friend for me and as a partner for him! I think my bf and this girl would be perfect for one another, they like the same things, she is absolutely gorgeous and is exactly his type- light sin, dark hair, light eyes, nice figure etc. I know this is weird but I feel like I dont want to stand in the way of his happiness. I havent told him that I think this about her as I dont want to freak him out-so I want to get some opinions on what you guys would do if your gf tried to set you up? or suggested this. I dont want a threesome, I just want him to be happy!
View related questions:
threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I think maybe this is like when you are afraid your partner is going to leave you and, to shorten the agony /protect your pride...you jump the gun and dump him first. Maybe you are afraid that when he sees this girl he'll be attracted to her more than he is to you , stuff may happen and etc.etc. When you had that bad patch, was there another woman involved , striking a blow to your self confidence ?...
Otherwise, this is just bizarre- and not half as unselfish as you want it to portray it, simply controlling and showing your mistrust and insecurity. Why don't you trust that your Bf is perfectly capable of knowing what he likes and choosing whom to love , i.e., you ? Why do you think he's so dumb to not know what's good for him and need someone else than himself to chose the proper mate for him as in some tribal arranged marriage ?
The dress example is not appliable here, people are not dresses. And anyway, no, personally I don't go around advising my friends about how to dress , if they don't ask me- they are all capable to make their fashion choices how and when they see fit , according to their OWN sense of style and not to what I think is good for them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is clearly a case of being in love with two people at the same time, but for whatever reason you think it wrong and inappropriate due to the way external forces have brainwashed you to believe polygamy unacceptable, so it renders you to feelings of guilt and/or shame, both of which are unnecessary, a waste of your time and irrelevant with what's going on here. You only live once and in the end it is you and only you who ultimately has to breath the consequences of your decisions. So advice here is, if this is a need that you know will enhance your internal and external substance and you believe it will also provide the same benefit for your boyfriend as well as the other woman, than immediately cease and desist with the scheming and simply be direct and candidly honest with both your boyfriend and the other woman regarding this. No one knows better than myself where your head is at and how beneficial this would be to your happiness. I did it and the rewards are substantially greater than any of the 3 of us could have ever predicted. Do what makes you, him and her happy. Screw what society, family, friends, acquainternces, coworkers, etc. think.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is by far one of the most bizarre relationship matters I've ever heard of. I get the feeling that there is more to your underlying motive than what you have shared, with that underlying motive stemming from a need to meet your own personal want than his but as a consequence of infidelity to your boyfriend you want for him to be the one to give the "Yes and Proceed" which would of course include your inclusion in the relationship between her and him. This way you wouldn't feel guilty for what you hold morally incorrest. Additionally, if problems, conflicts or issues arose subsequent the polyamorous relationship than you wouldn't have to carry the guilt of thinking you destroyed you two's relationship but rather he would since it was he and not you who gave the "Yes and Go" final decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I think you're one in a million. I also think I'd do the same thing. Go with it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 It appears that at a sub-conscious level you want to end your relationship? Maybe its stale and boring or something...I really think you need to try and understand your own feelings about this before you go ahead. If that is the case, trying to set him up with one of your friends, while well-intentioned does not seem like a very bright idea.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 It seems like you dont have confidence in yourself. What makes you think that your bf might be happier with someone else? You say you have a wonderful relationship with him...then why even think of all this? Im sure he loves you, and who doesn't have ups and downs in life? And just because someone is your boyfriend's "type" doesnt mean he would be happier with her!! My boyfriend isint at all the kind of person I thought I would end up with (strictly as far as looks are concerned)....but I cannot THINK of any other person in the planet who is better for me than him. Just because this girl fits your boyfriends ideal woman's image, does not guarantee his happiness with her in any way.
You have a great relationship; have confidence in yourself and nurture what you have. If you dont love yourself, nobody else will. You dont need to do anything silly and try setting him up with anyone.
All the best!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 What is not clear is:
Are you looking to end your relationship with him and set him up with someone else?
or
Are you looking to have a polyamorous relationship where he will take on another partner and continue to be with you as well?
Which is it?
-Frank
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): I am the OP here, he seems very happy with me- he makes plans for the future, getting married, buying a house etc so all is great in that department. But its a case of, I KNOW that this girl is my bf's soul mate- they are just absolutely perfect for each other. I KNOW he will be happy with her and if these things could be measured- Im sure he would be MORE happy with her than me.
No, I dont want to lose him but its a case of knowing seeing a dress that looks bad on you but you know it would look great on a mate- so of course you would tell her about it. Its the same as that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 I agree this is weird and if he loves you as you say he does, suggesting such a thing would either curl his toes or convince him the love is a one way thing. What makes you think he isnt happy with the person he says he loves?
...............................
|
