A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can someone who has cheated on me (serious flirting and texting, and slept with the woman 1x), and who intended to never tell me about it, actually love me? If I hadn't found out the way I did, he would've never told me. And he initially lied about it. Does he not love me? I cannot imagine lying to him, (or being able to!) b/c I love him so much and so deeply. It is hard for me to even imagine betraying him in any way. Can someone betray in this way, and actually truly love and be willing to change their behavior for me? We had already been together for 4 years when he cheated on me. We have had some ups and downs in our relationship, but have managed to stay strong and I thought really worked things out. We have grown closer, but now I question if we were really as close as I thought, since for so long he was lying to me...Thanks.
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cheated on me, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Love is unfortunately more complicated than we would like to think. There are rarely any absolute answers and 'love' itself exists on a number of levels.
What I'm trying to say is from a certain perspective he may love you, but the more important point is whether you want to tolerate his behaviour which is clearly disrespectful and exploitative.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): No, I person who lies to you and cheats on you doesn't love you. The act of cheating (and lying about it) is completely selfish, and they had no emotions for you behind it whatsoever. By lying to you about it, the entire relationship and what you feel for that person is a complete lie, and they want it that way. They're trying to keep you blind from seeing the truth because they know that, otherwise, you wouldn't be happy with them. LEAVE this person. He doesn't love or respect you.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (24 October 2010):
 OH YEAH!!! What does "LOVE" has to do with THAT? *In my Tina Turner voice*
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Can a person love somebody they dont respect, do people lie to people they do respect, can a person being lied to and cheated on repsect the liar and cheater?
Me, I loved somebody who lied and cheated, and I forgave once, twice but the third time I packed up the three kids, two cats and one dog and walked.
It was either that or be less than the person I wanted to be .... that was my choice, what you will accept in a relationship is your choice, and you reasons for making whatever choice you make.
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