A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If you're single, what would you do about your current love life if the doctor told you, you have a deadly disease and that you only have 8 years of life? Would you look for someone? and why? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): To the original poster:
Thank you for confirming this was not about you, as when I responded to your question, I felt pretty sure it wasn't, so I appreciate you confirming my thoughts were accurate.
This 'Sarcoidosis' this young man says he has, I'm still suspicious, especially when you bring other factors in to this, divorced being the main one, and not answering texts, then all of a sudden responding.
Here are some facts for you about the illness: From the BBC medical archives." Currently, there's no cure for sarcoidosis. For one in ten people the disease slowly gets worse over time and for one in 50 it proves fatal. However, for the majority of those with the disorder - around eight out of every ten people, in fact - the condition resolves spontaneously after a few years and never comes back.
Relief from symptoms can be found with anti-inflammatory painkillers, and steroids can also prove extremely effective. When used to treat chronic sarcoidosis, steroids may need to be used at a low dose for many months, sometimes a year or more. During this time, regular blood and lung function tests and chest x-rays are performed to monitor how well the treatment is working. In more severe cases, immunosuppressive drugs such as methotrexate are used. Newer drugs such as infliximab may also be prescribed. " As you can see for the majority it comes and goes, only rarely does it progress into a fatal illness. So once more this '8 years' is very suspicious.
You have only known him for three months please DON'T plan the next 2, 3, 5 years around this man, without FIRST knowing much more about him. Without even knowing him, I feel he MAY be playing his Ace card with you, keeping you feeling sorry for him and of course 'PLIABLE' and easy to manipulate. Stand back from him, only date him, and try not to become intimate with him, emotionally or physically, until he proves he is what he says he is. As I doubt it!
Especially if you have met him online, opposed to through friends, or knowing him in the real world with deciding to date. I think you need to protect yourself, and not be so taken in by a man who tells someone he's terminally ill, when he hardly knows her..And by all accounts, he is NOT terminally ill, as until this illness advance so much, by which time he wouldn't be being active and dating, there is no telling his illness won't just vanish.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for all your answers. I really appreciate it.
I read the post from the female anonymous that works in the medical field. Thank you so so much for taking the time to answer my question with your experience.
You are correct, this is not about me. This is about my boyfriend of three months now. He just told me about a week ago that he has a terminal illness, if I may use that term. It is called sarcoidosis. He said that he only has 10 years or less of life. He wanted to let me know so that I know it is not a long term relationship. Which I don't mind being with him, I still like to be with him as long as I can.
I went looking in the internet about it because he's been traveling and we haven't gotten much chance to talk about the details and what parts of his body have been affected.
But my question came here because, some days I don't hear from him at all. I text him and he does not answer. I did ask him why and now he texts me right away and that's when he told me he has this illness.
He had me thinking that he was maybe dating somebody else because he was acting just like it. I told him about this and he said "no, I have no other girl and I am not looking for one", and "I've been living alone for so long that I didn't think about it". (He's been divorced for a little more than 10 years now.)
I will talk to him more about his illness because I want to be there to help him when he's sick. He's also one of those persons that thinks he can do everything by himself and doesn't need any help.
So, I still don't know. Maybe is the illness, maybe is not.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 hi
i would still want to meet someone but i would not hide my illness and prognosis from them. 8 years is a long time. lots of relationships come to a natural and sometimes mutually agreeable end way before that length of time anyway. so as long as you are honest with the other person, let them decide with you if you both want to take the chance on a relationship.
i don't know what your illness is but remember 8 years is a long time in terms of medical advance too so you may well find that you end up with way longer than 8 years anyhow.
best wishes xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You don't say if this question is about you..But unlike the others, I seriously question your plea for help and advice, as the give away, is 8 years, no doctor EVER prepares a patient for that talk, with '8 years' EVER.
I have worked in the medical profession (25 years)now a counselor, and this is a very difficult talk to give to a patient, and is only ever given if the illness is beyond resolving as far as they can see. Where the medics feel this is the last resort, and therefore, it would be be a weeks, 6 months or a year at most that would be given to a patient, because the illness was so advanced.
And personally anyone who had just been given the 'TALK' would not be scouring the internet to ask about their love life, they would have more pressing things to consider. I think this is something you have just thought up, as I know no one in the medical profession would ever give such a long range forecast.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well first off I'd ignore what the doctor said to be honest. Doctors aren't gods, they don't know when you'll die. My mother was told she wouldn't last the night, then that she wouldn't last the year... and so on and so forth for eleven years with a terminal illness...
I don't know where this doctor got 8 years from, but I'd be getting a second, maybe even a third opinion...
Eight years is a LONG time to be lonely though, why wouldn't you go throw caution to the wind and go looking for that special somebody..?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I'd look to complete my bucket list and start living every moment like it's my last. I wouldn't spend it chasing tail, but I'd be hopeful that I might find someone on my journey who I can enjoy my remaining time with. It definitely wouldn't be a top priority. Putting someone through that loss would make me feel guilty, especially if I knew my limited time frame before getting involved.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I'd get a second opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): How do you feel about it? Do you feel like you need someone in your life? If so, I don't think there's anything wrong with finding that someone - as long as you're honest with them! Everyone should be allowed to be happy!
However, if you feel independent, and don't feel like you need to be with someone, it would be good to do all the things you've never done before but wanted to. You'd have nothing and no one holding you back!
Do what your heart tells you - but always be honest :)
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