A
male
age
51-59,
*ios
writes:My fiancee decided to end things 10 days ago, the reason being that there was a disconnnect, something missing, and that she couldn't go forward with a wedding. We never fought about anything important. She explained that she had to end things, although she loves me so much, that I am her "everything", but that she thinks I deserve someone that will treat me better.Since then, I have tried my best to remain postitive, and every time she calls and I answer, I remind her that I am OK, that she can call if she "wants" to. Otherwise, I'll live. It hurts to say such things to someone I love as much as I do, but I can't come across any other way.In the 10 days we've been "broken up", she's come over and spent the night 5 times. We've seen each other 8 days, sometimes spending the entire day together, talking, relaxing, etc. She bought me a book about 'purpose', and we've been going through 1 chapter each day, together. She seems to be having a harder time with this than I am. Don't get me wrong, I am devastated by the loss of her, and I do love her unequivocally. I enjoy the time we're spending togehter, and the subject has come up a few times, that it would be too easy to jump back into a relationship, and that we have a lot of work to do on ourselves. Our families has remained very positive and supportive of both of us, and there is no resentment between us. Although the physical part of our existence is missing, we have been growing closer emotionally and spiritually through all of this.Last night she suggested that next weekend she come over and put up the Christmas tree, have some wine and hang out... and that we start attending church together, this Sunday.I feel like things are constantly changing, and it seems to me like things went from an engagement, to a break-up, to building something new or different, in a hurry. The mention of logistics upsets her, because she just doesn't know what to do. Am I reading too much into things, and am I doing the right thing by not pushing anything right now? Or should I completely move on and ignore her? Kinda confused...
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
Don't ignore her and move on yet, because there is something else here she hasn't said. You really need to talk to her about why she feels this way, and what you can do to fix it. Yes, you are doing the right thing by not pushing her, but you need to know what's going on, so if there is a chance you can get back together, you can work at it, and if there isn't, you can move on. Maybe her esteem needs work or something. There is something here that she wants you to understand, and as of yet you (and no one else, so don't worry) haven't seen it. Just keep talking to her and listening, and maybe she will come around.
A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura +, writes (26 November 2009):
 I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing. I think allowing this space for her to sort out what she wants in life is the best thing you can do as someone who loves her and as a friend. Perhaps she hasn't shared all of her concerns because she is worried about putting demands on you or insulting you in someway. It sounds to me as if she is unsatisfied more with herself than anything. Maybe there are things you don't know about her that she isn't willing to share or explain because she is ashamed. I think she is just as confused as you are but I can tell that you ultimately care very much about one another. Love can survive many things, things you wouldn't expect depending on those involved. So although all this change can be uncomfortable and uncertain, do your best to continue achieving positive things for yourself and encourage her to do the same. You should certainly consider breaking of communication with her if you can no longer handle the emotional strain it is causing you. You need to take care of you to. If you can keep a handle on it though just take everything in stride and keep hoping for your better tomorrow. Be honest with her about how it all makes you feel-not by applying any type really, just so she can adjust your behavior as needed and consider you in all this as well. Communication here is very important. Best of Luck
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