A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelWings21
writes:Ok so my boyfriend **** and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years. We both have a child (My son is 4 and his daughter is 3) although both children are from previous relationships. He is currently incarcerated and has been since March of this year. My problem is that he keeps getting locked up. This all started last year when he was 1st arrested ( all for breaking and entering) in August of 2008. He was in from August til November of last year, got out then 2 weeks later was back in until March of this year. He got out AGAIN and 2 weeks later was locked back up!(same thing) He is now in until August of 2010. He has promised to changed and is now making steps towards it (getting his G.E.D. for one thing and also staying out of trouble while inside) We are a young interracial couple (I'm 21 and black; he's 20 and white) and I just don't want to give up on him because I love him BUT I want to go to college to become a pediatrician and do better for my son and I. I don't know if staying with him will bring me down or lift me up. He is talking marriage and kids but I'm not ready yet. I want to know 100% that he has fully changed his ways. As the old saying goes: "Actions speak louder than words" How long after he is released should I give him to show that he has changed? Thank you for reading and responding!! God Bless :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, worried71 +, writes (26 November 2009):
I know this is hard to hear, but you need to end things with him if you ever want a good life for you and your child. Once is a mistake twice he wanted to go back to jail, no matter what he says to your face or in letters etc. I know you love him, and there will always be a peice of your heart that belongs to him. But he is only going to impeadyour dreams of school. I speak from exp. After 6 years of being married I came home to find my wife in bed with another man, I thought things where good between us our sex life was good and so on. It was the hardest thing for me to do to just grab all my clothes and leave without saying a word. It has been almost 9 years ago since that happend and since then I found another gorl who enjoys treating me as good as I treat her. I know it won't be easy but for your sake and the sake of your child you need to end it.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 He has a little kid, yet despite that he risks jail. Then the moment he goes out, he goes back to crime and goes in again. So it not like he is even a good criminal. To be arrested that quickly, he must have basically dropped his wallet or something.
Now, I am not an american but don't you guys have something like "three strikes and your out" in your law? Doesn't that mean that next time, he will be in for life?
Meantime, you are taking care of two little kids and are considering undertaking a medical education? When you still got to do college? At 21? As said, not an american and don't know exactly how your education system works but in Holland you would be looking at 10 years of schooling (4 to finish college and 6 for university) and then you would just be starting as a doctor. Unless pediatrician in the US is not a real doctor (Here it is just a regular doctor with a full education whose specialty happens to be kids).
Who is going to pay for all that? With two kids to be taken care of who will by that time be young teenagers?
Goals are nice and all, but maybe some realism is in order. The economy is worldwide in the crapper and the US seems hardest hit. It is no fun for people with a low/no-education and your BF with a G.E.D. earned in prison will probably not have a lot of options once outside. If it was his first offence, then there could be hope that for the sake of his kid and you and yours he would make it work, but that didn't stop him the 2nd time did it?
Even if he finds work, the pay will be piss poor. Enough to support a family with a wife wanting to undertake an expensive and very long education?
As for you... you talk precious little about yourself but just makes you think becoming a doctor is a financial option.
Live sometimes doesn't give us what we want. A bf who turns out to make the same mistakes over and over again and a future that just doesn't include 10 years of school.
Unless there is something missing that shows how you can make this happen, I would suggest you take a long hard look at your life and what is going on it and what would be needed to create a future that you want. A future that is possible and not just a dream.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
He did it once, didn't change, then did it again, didn't change and has been locked up again. He's talking about marriage and kids but you're not ready for it all yet. There are your red flags. You have different ideas to him, and he's not really reliable to be honest. I think it's brilliant that ou now have a goal and want to do something for yourself and your son. I think you would do better gor focusing on that. I just don' think he will change, and I think you both have other ideas on life. Focus on yourself and your son, and become a pediatrician.
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