A
female
age
30-35,
*ennise Marie
writes:Hi Everybody, Im Dennise, im new here, my first post, it took me about two hours to write this because i keep stopping to get a hold of myself, so if something doesnt make sense, work with me here.Ok so here is the deal: I met Eric a year and a half ago at my old job. I had just started and for some odd reasons we ended up being commute partners pretty much the first week i got there. I had never been attracted to people like Eric, his physical appearance is not bad, but his way of thinking and his personality are just something i usually wouldnt go for. But after some talking and some dinners we decided to try dating. The thing was that he had just broken a 4 years relationship with a girl that had hurt him deeply many times , and she was kind of still living at his place. I made things clear that this situations wasnt gonna work out, so he asked her to move out. After a while, our relationship was awesome, and im not saying this because im overlooking the bad things, it really was. Everybody thought we were so made for each other, even when fighting, we found the way to never let it seem like we didnt love each other, and we had so much fun together, it was insane! I remember he would tell me all the time how crazy this all was because we fit together so well. Well, the bullshit came when said ex came back to the picture. She would call him and ask him for advice or support on petty things, and it really annoyed me because it was obvious she was just trying to get close to him again. We fought a couple of times over this, but after a lot of reassuring from his part that he did not want to be with her, i allowed him to talk to her. About a month afterwards we were arguing over noodles and pasta sauce, and he tells me that he had gotten intimate with the ex two weeks before!! I appreciated the honesty, but gosh! I moved out after this, and stopped talking with him for a while, but he would try to talk to me at work or go to my friends house to corner me. He said that it didnt mean anything to him, he just needed closure, and that that was done with, he wanted me, not her. So i tested him for a while, and got back together, i even made him take her out on dinner, just to make suuuure he didnt feel like being with her again, because if he did, then i was gonna understand, but he needed to tell me. SO we got back together, things went back to normal for a while, until exactly a month ago when, again, she came back to break us up. We were in the middle of moving and my mom getting chemo, so we had out plate full as it was, and when this added pesky problem we had have enough, we started fighting a lot over everything, we would be so rude to each other, just taking it all out on each other. So two weeks ago we decided to take a break, as he said it, and to see what was going on with us. I moved out of his place again, but still kept talking to him. We had a really touchin talk over the phone days after that, we went out and ended up having sex that day. the day after we talked again and he said he loved me but that we are never going to be together again. After that he got really distant and weird, so yesterday i went over to his place to confront him because he was acting all confusing and found out his ex has been living with him for about two weeks! He said he didnt know how to tell me because he knew i was going to think its stupid. I told him that after everything, the least i expected from him was to be honest, to come clean, and that i didnt understand why he would do me like that. He said that i mean more to him that all of this, and that he still thinks great things of me, but he never mentioned why he took her back or if he loves me at all. What the hell went so horribly wrong here? Was i really that blind not to see this coming? a month ago i was his everything, now he has her??? And he wants me to keep talking to him but ive decided not to, i changed my number and told him to scram off. He seemed sad and annoyed about my decision, and said that we are so close we cannot just stop talking, but what the hell am i supposed to do? i feel soooo stupid!!! Was i just a second fiddle to their drama? Is he going to regret this or am i just going to get dumped and played like am worthless?? I just want to move on and forget about this whole thing, but i feel that i cannot get over the fact that he is with her!!! He never told me he wanted to be with her, why? I love him, i want him to be happy, it would have hurt to give him up, but not as much as his betrayal and back stabbing attitude does!!!! after all the plans we had he runs of with her? After all we shared and did he doesnt even have the guts to tell me this himself, he just stepped aside laughing until i figured it out? Please give me any piece of advice that will make me breath again, my heart is shattered :(
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a break, at work, got back together, his ex, move on, moved out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dennise Marie +, writes (9 September 2011):
Dennise Marie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much, everybody. Your advices are of great help. I will stop focusing on why it went wrong and start the process of moving on, there is no way this guy is coming back into my life. What you do here is so great, thanks again for listening!
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Two things come to mind here.
1.) You were a rebound
or
2.) He was using you to get the ex back by trying to make her jealous.
Whatever it is, its good its over and you're done with this guy. He sounds horrible and his GF is actually to be pitied upon! Imagine being with such a loser! Yuk! Actually both of them deserve each other. Dont feel bad please...its NOT your loss in any way.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Oh my... This guy is sooo not over his ex. You have to stay CLEAR of him and avoid him like the plague. He will do nothing but hurt you. Do not contact him anymore and don't let him come sell stories to you. What he did to you is wrong and unacceptable. Give yourself time to heal... spend time with friends and just push onwards! You will be over this fool in a while and it will all be a distant memory. Try to go out (even though you don't feel like it) to just stop yourself from focussing on him! Good luck hunny! xx
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I agree with CindyCares, you were his plan B, his rebound girl.
Everytime things get tough he lets his ex back in and start over that whole cycle. HE is not over her. Not by a long shot. HE doesn't have the guts to tell you that SHE moved in? How can you trust this guy or anything that comes out of his mouth?
Let him go. THEY deserve each other.
Honey, he sounds like a real DOUCHEBAG!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Hi. If you were fighting over everything and being really rude to each other. That is probably what caused the break up, not his ex. She was just sitting on the fence, watching and waiting for you to turn your backs on each other so she could make a move on him. He has gone back to what is familiar and comfortable. He bounced from her to you, you to her again. This is a guy who doesn't like being on his own. He is taking what he can, rather than be single. It shows a certain amount of feebleness on his part.
Going on a dinner date with her because you told him too was pretty weak of him. He should have been his own man and refused to do that. Making him go on a date with her wasn't a wise move because if she knew they were meeting up with your blessing, she could be forgiven for thinking it was also OK for her to have contact with him when she wanted to.
Will it work for them this time? Probably not. Second time around doesn't work very often. But once you had split up and he told you there would be no going back, it was his business if he took up with her again afterwards. He wasn't obliged to tell you he was seeing her.
If i were you i would leave them to get on with it now. It sounds as if they might be one of those couples that always keep each other around as back up...when all else fails go back to the ex. That type can't live together for long but can't completely live without each other. So even if you did end up with him again, she would probably still hover.
I would try to accept it is over and get busy with moving on. I expect he will want you around for back up in case things don't work with her but who wants to be second best?
There will be someone out there just for you. Someone who won't drag his ex into the relationship with him. Someone who will be a comfort and support when the chips are down, not get nasty and fight with you! A real man who wont run off to dinner with his ex, because he wont have any interest in dining out with anyone but you. That is the type of partner you need, not this guy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 September 2011):
 He had JUST broken a 4 years relationship... sorry ,it sounds like your story was sort of a rebound. He did not give himself the time to elaborate the loss and move on, or to find out if he really missed the ex and wanted to make it work with her, he jumped instead in another relationship too soon... and unluckily you pay the consequences.
You may not have lost all this Paradise on earth though, - right now you are hurt and sad and just longing for the good stuff, but I don't know if you realize that you mention "fights " and " fighting " an awful lot ! It's not all about " love ", you know ? Love does NOT conquer all, you can love somebody as much as you want, then if you aren't compatible and can't make your couple function harmoniously and with a low level of confrontations, what's the use.
Also, the way he acted is not exactly that of a knight in shining armour, right ? He never told you about having gone back to the other girl... because then you'd dumped him irrevocably, why he obviously liked having a plan B.
all in all- no big loss - here we say " not all doughnuts
come out with a hole ", this was just ... a misshapen doughnuts and there are certainly going to be sweeter tastier treats in your future.
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