A
male
age
36-40,
*oooldforthis
writes:Need a bit of advice / help to guide me through this one. This is a long post.So, I met one girl online around December. Started dating her regularly week to week for couple of months. I had sex with this girl and lost my virginity to her, and when we met up things would get very physical and I had a blast just being around her and spending time with her. I though things were going pretty well / heading in the right direction.All of the sudden however, feel off the face of the earth. Poof. Would not return my texts, calls, anything. I texted her again in mid february, asked her what's up, where she replied as follows:"Hey, I wish I could say that I knew when shit was going to slow down and i can be a normal person again, but I don't. My wallet was stollen, I'm helping my dad move, work has been getting intense, my friend needs a lot of support because a hospital messed up her knee irreversibly and the list continues. It's not fair to you that I can't commit to hanging out and I'm sorry you've had to put up with that."... so I told her that I'm sorry about her condition and if there's any way I could help, let me know. Since that time, I gave her space but she and I were texting on and off every few days or so and she was keeping up with me; I started a new job, she asked how things were going with it... not me initiating contact all the time, and we were going to make plans hang out again.... then I got sick, so we were going to reschedule when I was better.So I got better, we were talking about meeting up (in addition to the just regular chit chat texts). This was EXACTLY a month ago now. She said that she would be able to hang out Thursday or Friday. Thursday rolls around, I ask her "if she still wants to do something?" No response. Ask her again.. no response. Fell off the face of the earth again. The last text I sent to her was "Or not..."I accepted that this girl was no longer worth my time, and it was time to move on... which I've somewhat done; I've dated other girls whom I met online and tried to get over her. Tonight though, was pretty intensely painful. When going to a bar near the area where she lives, I was stopped at a stoplight and I see HER. This same girl walk right in front of my car on her cell phone. I felt like I saw a ghost and it has really messed with my head the rest of the night.I still have feelings for her, and honestly, I think about this girl every day. I am thinking about sending another text tomorrow just to get some closure or see what the hell happened last month, but not exactly sure what I should do... I know that's not the right thing to do and I should just drop it. But seriously, WTF happened?It was just so weird to see her like that tonight... 5 feet away from me, not noticing me at all. Thought about saying something, but glad I decided against that. Although in my mind I wanted to throw my ipod adapter at her jugular and drove off blasting some Radiohead.Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this one.
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male
reader, toooldforthis +, writes (11 April 2012):
toooldforthis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. Yeah, I shouldn't contact her again, but it's just so painful that I would almost prefer a nail in the coffin kind of thing. I dunno, it's hard to explain. It's seriously become such a joke the way that things work out for me regarding dating... it's weird, if I wouldn't have circled around the block to find a spot last night, I wouldn't have been in this mental state I'm in right now... or would have probably ever seen her again.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Your pain is palpable and its obvious you are very hurt but unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Every person is different OP, you can never know what someone is thinking about or what their intentions are. She probably found someone else, was already with someone else while still being with you or just got bored of you...only she knows the truth. But one thing is certain, GOOD RIDDANCE to her. She doesn't seem worth the pain, she's not reliable or someone you would want to be with. Sure it hurts now, but you will soon realize what a boon it is that she's not in your life anymore. You will meet someone much, much better, who will love you and respect you and cherish you and there is a lot of happiness in store for you. Trust me, you are destined for much better. Let go of this girl, dont contact her in any way, just move on.
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A
male
reader, toooldforthis +, writes (11 April 2012):
toooldforthis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. It helps a lot to try and make sense of things. I just don't understand her mindset at all or what her intentions were.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Well, I'd say you've been pretty mature about the situation. No one will ever know what's up except this girl though. Sometimes people just aren't ready for relationships or even possible friendship after that. I would say that it's pretty clear that since she has been ignoring your messages, it's over. It would be great to get closure, as you said, but maybe it would be better to just move on. Does it really even matter why anymore? From what you've said it seems like she could have just been using you (to pass the time even).
As someone that has done the online dating bit, I feel like I can relate. So, you say that you've tried to move on by dating other people, but clearly you haven't. I'm not sure if dating other people is actually a clear solution, since you haven't been able to move past this relationship. I would suggest that you even take a break from dating until you can clear your mind.
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