A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years has 3 kids. One is 25 and lives at home, the other is 23 and has 4 kids and him and all the kids stay there on weekends. His daughter lives with her mom.We do not spend the night at each others homes (due to my kids being younger). If his 23 year old and his family are over, my BF does not invite me over. Nor does he invite me over when his daughter is there.In 4 years we have never done anything "all together". His kids rule the roost and he financially supports the 2 oldest. His kids don't even say hi to me when I am there.This Easter, my BF celebrated Easter with his kids and even had an egg hunt. My kids never get treated like kids when they are there and in fact, his kids can be downright MEAN to my kids. Calling my son fat, my daughter stupid, etc.I love my boyfriend but this really bothers me. Am I wrong to feel that way?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 April 2012):
 If this were me he would be history this instant. My own kids are important. They are not second class citizens. Kids pick up on covert signals of disrespect and disinterest.
But this nasty mean old bully calls your children stupid and fat. Be Gone old man out of my life would be my thoughts.
Four years and you are still his friend with benefits. If he wanted a relationship he would have tried to encourage some shared activities with you and your children, even if there is an age gap.
So he does not even bother with Easter, and maybe not even Christmas or birthday greetings for the children?
He does not encourage your children – instead he belittles and humiliates your children
Harm my children? How dare he! Your poor children are suffering and they are having their self-esteem trashed.
You may love him. But is his love worth hurting your children emotionally/psychologically?
I could not endure the pain of seeing my children belittled and abused psychologically. It is too mean for words.
And his children? He allows them to disrespect you. That is disgraceful. If you think they are rude now imagine how much nastier it would be if you lived with your boyfriend? His kids ostracize you – that is just another form of bullying. No doubt learned from their father.
And then his kids are MEAN to your children? I would not stay with him while the home he presides over is downright nasty to you and your children. It is totally unacceptable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): No you are not wrong to feel this way, you should not allow anyone to put your children down in this manner, no matter who they are. I would talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about the way his adult children are speaking to your younger children. The should not be telling your children that they are fat or stupid. It is not acceptable and his children are adults and should start acting like it.
As for what your boyfriend does with his kids, there is not much you can do in regards to that, he caan support them if he wants. But when it comes to people belittling your children, it is your responsibility to them to protect them from that. Talk to your boyfriend about how mean they are, and that you don't appreciate his adult children calling your kids names like that. Good Luck
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