| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend has been busy for the last 2 weeks and didn't have the time to meet me or talk to me ! he was able to see me for 30 minutes only during the last 2 weeks ! i felt that he is ignoring me ! i was so lonely and i felt that i waited too much !Last night i called him, just i wanted to hear his voice but he didn't pick my call ! after few hours i sent a text message saying are you Okay? but no response ! then i started to drink because i was so bored and lonely ! at midnight i found him online on Whatsapp and started to wonder why he did not call me , while he is on his phone ! crazy thoughts ! i wrote him but he did not answer ! i got mad and i told him ( Listen i have to end this relationship if you stay like this as you are not giving me the attention that i need ) he got mad and he said you want to end this because i am busy and cant talk to you !! ! we started to argue about this ! he said i`m so busy and i am not ignoring you ! but i felt that i hurt him! i felt so terrible and i thought i should not say this to him ! i felt that i took a wrong step ! i just sent him another text saying ! that i love him and i want him! but i feel that he will not respond !I really love him and don't want to lose him.... I was drunk when i wrote him and did it in a stupid way! but i felt that he is ignoring me which was painful for me. My question is ! how to recover this situation, i need to a explain that i was too emotional and did not mean it ?what should i say or do?
View related questions:
drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): He's selfish, doesn't care about your feeling, and he's probably smiling and feeling good watching you go crazy trying to get in touch with him. I'm sorry to say, but this is a huge red flag of a borderline personality. Some men are honestly so emotionally damaged/crippled, they look for girls like you to victimize. He's giving you the silent treatment because it's making him feel good watching you go crazy to get in touch with him. He feels good when he ignores you and watches you react. He will then turn it around on you. This is termed "GAS LIGHTING," please read up on it the next time he does this to you.He knows he's hurting you and it makes him feel good to do so. He doesn't care about you or your feelings.I suggest dumping him, but after you you take back your self esteem by playing his game for a bit. Act like you don't need him, he doesn't exist, and don't care. Post pictures of yourself out with guys on facebook. Write on your best friends facebook wall. Go shopping. Go to the hair salon. Make yourself happy without him. Not only will you feel better about yourself and realize you don't need him, he will go just as crazy as you are right now when he sees that you don't need him. He'll be begging you to change back to being his victim, and rug mat. Call it sweet revenge. Narcissists have low self esteems, so they need to drain those closest to them to feel good about themselves. You deserve better! I also suggest seeing a therapist and joining a group. Buddhist groups, for example, help you become more present in your daily actions and see the positive impacts of solitude. Cheers!
A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 To be honest, both are at fault here.
If he had told you that he will be busy during a specific period of time, you should allow him the time and space to do what he needed to do. It was wrong for you to be upset and upset to the point you'd get drunk over it.
He was wrong in that he could've texted back to say 'Hey I'm busy'. It only takes about 3 seconds. If he was gone for more than one day, then in my opinion, it would've been nice for him to send a short message every night before going to bed to say he's ok and misses you, etc.
My suggestion is to not contact him anymore, wait til the situation cools down and he's not busy anymore.. then just talk to him and admit you were wrong. Also let him know that next time he becomes busy again, would it be possible to send you a quick text once a night.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2015):
 First rule of texting... NEVER text drunk.
Second of all, STOP texting and calling. IF you hear from him. You can explain the drunk texting. IF he doesn't, well learn from this.
Being MAD or UPSET that he isn't responding doesn't mean you should bombard him with texts, it usually doesn't work.
IF he tells you hey I will be busy and not have much time to texting,calling or seeing you and you KNOW why he is busy (let's say studying for finals, moving or whatever REASONABLE reason) you need to understand that it's NOT about you. It's about HIM needing to focus on something else.
BUT I will say this, texting someone a hey, I'm OK can't chat but hope yo u are OK too or I miss you doesn't TAKE a lot of time nor effort.
And I'd like to add that I'm so often baffled at HOW many people CARRY on their relationship and even fights via texting. IT's SO impersonal and (IMHO) silly.
20 years ago ( Yeah, I know the Dark Ages) We didn't HAVE texting like we do today. There would be days you didn't HEAR from your partner (if you didn't live together) because THEY had stuff to do and you had stuff to do. THESE days it's all about INSTANT gratification and INSTANT communication, even if the conversations are just because either party is bored and have nothing to do. It's NOT VITAL conversations. I see it at the store, someone waiting in line just HAS to text something because they don't want to be bored.
I use texting for SMALL - hey pick up a gallon of milk or pick up kid #3 at 3.30 on your way home. NOT for conversations. I TALK to my husband when we are TOGETHER. When he is at work, I DO NOT text (unless it's a reminder to pick up a child, something from the store or whatnot).
My advice ? DO NOT try and sort out "issues" over text - talk in person or on the phone.
And DID he have a good reason to NOT be able to hang out for those 2 weeks? Because you didn't mention that at all.
If he DIDN'T ... (just saying being busy is not really a good excuse) I'd wait for him to contact you.
...............................
A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 You haven't specified how long is your relationship, how often do you two generally talk to each other etc. but all I can say is I've been reeeeeeeally busy at some periods of life and it could never possibly stop me from sending a short text to someone I care about. It's like under a minute, and can even be done while multitasking. If I were you I would talk to him in person before breaking up, to see how he justifies himself, but please keep in mind you did nothing wrong, and your reaction was only natural (even if you could have done it more effectively). He basically acted inconsiderately for 2 whole weeks, and then attacked you for responding to it! I'd say he's got a lot of explaining to do, and you have absolutely no reason to act apologetic about it.
As much as you love him, you shouldn't settle for terms you disagree with. If you feel like your boyfriend should get in touch a couple of times over the course of the time he's unable to get together, it's something you have the right to demand, and firmly stand your ground!
...............................
|
