A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just turned 17 and I'm pregnant. I'm not ready to be a mother. My boyfriend is 17 also and wants to keep the baby. I told him that I would either put it up for adoption or get an abortion if it's not too late. He told me that if I have it he would take full responsibility for it. I told him that I would have it for him, but I don't think I can go through with this pregnancy any longer. Should I tell him that or just get an abortion?
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Im sorry, its early for me, I dont think I went into detail about what I advised. What I meant was, you shouldn't just get an abortion without his knowledge, especially if he wants this child. Maybe you arent ready to be a mom, but there is always adoption, or if you arent ready to go through with the pregnancy then you really do need to talk to him about having an abortion. But honey make sure you know what youre in for. I have had an abortion myself, and I honestly can tell you I regret it everyday of my life. It is painful, both physically and emotionally, I actually saw my baby intact. I was 9 weeks pregnant and had a "pill abortion." The baby came out and that image has been burned in my brain it really is awful to have to go through something like that so be knowledgeble and fully aware of your actions. Im sorry Im not trying to scare you at all, but that is the reality of it. Im now pregnant with my fiance and Im very happy but even now the previous baby still takes a toll. So please regardless of what you decide on be informed. Its better to be prepared than not to be. Good luck sweetie. And do talk to your boyfriend, hopefully he will be supportive and help you through your decision.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 June 2009):
As hard as it is, please talk to your mom if you can. I know it is something that you are afraid of and you don't want her to be disappointed in you. But being someone that has gone through this first-hand, and having told my mom after I terminated the pregnancy, she was sad for me and asked "why didn't you tell me?" I was scared! And I was an adult! Don't let people tell you what to do based on what they think is "morally" right. It's really your decision. And as what was brought up earlier, your boyfriend says he'll take responsibility now, but you don't know what he'll be like in the future. We always want our children to have better than what we had and we also don't want to burden other people because of our mistakes. Do what YOU feels is best. If you do have an abortion make sure you learn from it and don't ever consider it to be a form of birth control. It is a serious matter and can really take a toll on you emotionally. No matter what you decide, abortion, adoption, or keeping it; please speak with your parents first. It will be scary but they may want to help you and be more understanding than you think.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 hun if you're not ready then you're not ready.
how can you guys support the baby?
you need to give the baby lots of time care and love and you need financial support.
does he have a steady job?
or a job at all?
you need to talk to him and let him know you're just not ready for this kind of responsibility.
you guys are still young and have alot of things ahead of you.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (12 June 2009):
I don't think its realistic that he can take on being a full time dad as a teen. I'm also a firm believer that it's your body, your choice and if a guy doesn't believe in abortion or adoption and decides to have sex with a girl that does, then the extent of his choice stops at using or not using a condom. These are things you talk about before you have sex. If he's pro life then he needs to use a condom every time he has sex unless he is with a girl that wants to get pregnant.
It's your body and no one can force you to have an abortion and no one can force you to carry a baby full term. You have rights.
A baby needs two loving parents that are in the financial position to take care of it. He's not thinking what's best for this baby. You don't want a child so I don't think its best for the baby to be with you either and I don't mean that as an insult to you.
It's your decision and your body so you do what you think is best. When your boyfriend made the decision to not use a condom, then he transferred the decision to you. He's not pregnant, he doesn't have to deal with carrying a baby full term or delivering it. If you decide that you are going to have this baby then yes, he is going to have rights to it and putting it up for adoption probably won't be an option if he wants it. Others may disagree but this is the law and if you don't like the law, then write to congress but don't give her a hard time about her decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): You made the decision to have sex with your boyfriend, knowing full-well what the consequences could be. Well, now you are pregnant as a result. As far as I can see, it is now your responsibility to deal with the pregnancy in the most mature and sensible way. Having an abortion is not taking responsibility for your actions, it is the easy way out in this situation. If your boyfriend wants the baby, you cannot deny him this. You should go through with the pregnancy and then reevalute when the baby is born.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I understand your feelings as the mother, but if he wants the baby...try to remember it's his child too. You chose to make "adult" decisions (having sex) and here are the "adult" consequences. That's not judgment; it's a fact.
I believe that abortion should be legal, but it makes little sense to me to kill a baby when one party DOES want the child. If you decide you cannot handle being pregnant, so be it. But please use abortion as a last resort if your boyfriend is willing to take responsibility for the baby after it is born.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It is your body. Not your boyfriend's, not your parents, and definitely not anyone's on this website. If you are not ready to be a mother, you can't make a life-changing decision because your boyfriend wants the baby. If you feel an abortion is the right decision for you, you should do it for you. Even if you had the baby and gave it up for adoption, it is a SERIOUS ordeal. Giving up a baby is hard enough and for the rest of your life you'll wonder how the child is, if he or she is happy, etc... Your boyfriend may say he'll take full responsibility, but children say that when they want their parents to buy them a puppy too. He's not the one who will have to carry a baby to term, go through labor, and deal with the social problems that will come from being seen pregnant at 17. Also, what happens if he decides when the baby is 1 year old, that he's tired of this and leaves? You will be stuck. You need to do what feels right for you in your life right now. The decision, and ultimately the responsibility, is yours. There are many counselors who can help you with this decision. Check with planned parenthood for more details (they are EXTREMELY good at being anonymous so long as you ask about their policies by state law).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I am a 50+ year old man with daughters older than you.
You are likely not ready to give up your life to be a mom. The boy says he will be around to take full responsiblity. Maybe he will. But first, think, when has he been responsible for some other thing?
Does he take full responsibility as a student who makes only As and Bs?
Does he take full responsibility as an employee who works very hard to earn all his own money and consistently gets promotions and raises?
Does he take full responsibility with owning and paying for a car and insurance?
Does he take full responsibility and attend childbirth classes with you?
Does he take full responsiblity to meet your needs like medical insurance and necessaries like clothes?
Did he take full responsbility in having sex with you? I know the answer to that one. You have to decide on the answers to the others.
I would say abortion or adoption. Whatever you do, do not burden your parents with this baby. They neither made the baby nor asked for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Hey..well I think you should seriously have the baby. Right now the person that has to take responsibility for their actions is you. Your boyfriend is putting in his part and now you have to too. You obviously didn't want to get pregnant this young but now that you are you have to step up. I am the same age as you and have many friends that have had kids and they all say it is definately worth it in the end. I personally think that if you don't want to get pregnant at this age, then why have sex and risk it but hey....sadly, not everybody thinks alike. After the baby is born, then you can consider adoption if you wish but for now....I really do hope you have this baby.
It's always hard for me to listen to people's advice on this thing especially when they are waaaaayyy older and have gone through alot but it's always better when somebody your age has something to say. I really hope you take all of this in mind.
I hope you make the right decision
xoxoxo
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