A
female
age
,
*illysjenny2
writes:ive been married for 5 years now and i made the mistake of not getting to know the man first ,soo i feel responsible for where im at today .before i married him i seen he had a lot of girly magazines around ,told him i will not tolerate porn in my house ,gave him the option of them or me no problem i dont need them now that i got you he said !!! well since then not only have i found several times he had porn in his truck [hidind it ]but he hasnt touched me in 18 months he says its because im not attractive to him since i gained a bunch of weight .he is an alcoholic ,12 pack every night .and he smokes pot i cant compete with the addictions ive been ready to leave since the first year of marriage in fact i did leave once when his daughter moved in with her meth habit he was in total denial about .anyway if i leave him i lose everything ive invested in this place .which im on disability and dont have the money to start over .it hurts me to know what he does with the porn ,right now we have seperate bedrooms and seem to get along ,now that im on zoloft but i desperately need to know what i can or should do . thank you
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alcoholic, money, moved in, porn, smokes Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DESTINY 23 +, writes (29 October 2009):
 get out and get far away from him. Everyday you stay there you are wasting your life . It will be hard but after you make your mind up everything will start to fall into place. Hes a mesed up person and is using you. best of luck
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 October 2009):
You need to seek legal aid fast. He's on drugs, doesnt' listen to you about porn, is an alcoholic. You can have this guy removed by the police, and for your own safety and your daughter's safety and wellbeing, you really need to do this. Don't blam yourself. He's the liar and the addict, not you.
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A
female
reader, billysjenny2 +, writes (10 October 2009):
billysjenny2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you soo much for your response!i think he married me because he needed a housekeeper/mommy i really cant complian about the living arrangements he gladly leaves me alone but is very lonely ,now im having to deplete my bank account every month helping to pay bills because he dont have a job anymore and he pockets all the cash brought in [really fair huh?]ive never been around a controlling man this bad before . now that i know how to bust him [which ive tried to do on the highway but it didnt do any good ]how do i get half of the stuff we have accumulated ? example one of the times i told him i was leaving i wanted one of the 2 trailers that were given to me when we were seperated he said i cant have it because he paid for them to be moved !any information to help me get out of this situation please let me know thank you
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 October 2009):
 You need to go to local legal aid and hire a lawyer. If he's got drugs in YOUR house, maybe your lawyer can arrange to have the police bust him and his daughter and kindly haul your trash out the door.
Frankly, I have no sympathy for substance abusers.
Any decent guy will tell you that who you are is the most important thing in a relationship. Not what you look like. If you gained some weight, then you gained weight. At his age, anyone will tell you, when you mature you know the looks fade but the lady you fall in love with isn't going to change inside in terms of who she is.
As for marrying without knowing what you bought into, I'd have to say the beer, pot and meth were probably not in the picture. The porn, well, its not the underlying issue.
He's not attracted to you because its entirely possible he's on drugs or drunk 24/7. His substance abuse is what's interfering with your relationship. Until he hits rock-bottom, he will never come back to where he was when you met him.
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