A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have recently (2 weeks ago) broken up with a boyfriend of 4 months. The circumstances of the break-up were as follows: He stopped showing me any affection, he was cancelling plans to see me and he has avoided calls, simply texting me that he needs to think and that he needs space.When I raised the issue for further discussion he said it's him and not me and that he's just scared to be in a relationship and that he needs time before he can commit to a relationship again. He broke up with me, although he insists that he loves spending time with me and wants to remain 'friends.' Since the break up, he has either called or texted on a daily basis, and I have actually seen him more than once a week (although not on weekends). We had sex the last time we saw each other. He insists upon being friends, yet also says he loves hanging out with me even more now and that I'm a top chick. Yet, I also know he is at least talking to other girls.All of this does not make sense to me because we are actually spending more time together, yet he refuses to re-commit himself to a relationship with me. He keeps reinforcing that he does miss me and genuinely like me but is just not ready for a relationship...What does all this mean??? What do I do??? I love this guy and am hopeful of a reconciliation but I fear that I am just going to get hurt. Please help ASAP.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Yes definitely agree with everyone above...basically he has started a FWB relationship without u even being aware. He is exploiting your feeling for him...
Hold your head up and walk away from him (alot easier said than done i know).. but in time you will feel better about it. Stop letting him know how much u love him.
Good luck and i hope all works out for you.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 What your man friend wants is the companionship, the security and party favours of a relationship without the obligation or the sense of confinement.
If he wants to remain friends and that's fine with you then be FRIENDS. Platonic friends. Go for coffee. Go out for lunch. Go to the cinema. Day time public outtings. NO ROMANCE and NO SEX. Do not hang out at each other's houses.
Do not get into a long heart to heart discussion about this. Keep it short and sweet. You're not interested in friends with benefits, then change the topic. Be cheerful, but firm.
Chances are being around him will be too tempting so you might be better off putting some distance between you. In which case don't make any announcements, just be less available.
If you give people everything they want without any conditions they have no incentive to give you what you want. Can you imagine car dealerships allowing people to drive merchandise off the lot and pay whenever they want?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (28 July 2012):
You’re already building your hopes up for a reconciliation with a guy who claims that the only problem is that he cares for you but he’s just not ready for a relationship yet. And yet he’s ready enough to start talking to other girls, so clearly there’s more to it than that he’s just not ready yet. The fact that you think so much of him means that just being friends isn’t going to work. A relationship with him will be one in which you’re kept dangling until he’s ready to pick you up, then when it suits him to drop you again he’ll do so. You’re better off cutting your losses, telling him that you want different things out of life and going your separate ways.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): So you are on his rotation, he gets to hang out and have sexual relations with you without a commitment. Sounds like the perfect situation for a user. If you want a commitment and he doesnt whats the point, you are wasting your time hanging out with him when you could be with someone who wants a commitment. Dont apologise for wanting what you want i.e. a full time boyfriend. Let him go and get out of this friends with benefits you find yourself in before you get hurt. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Isnt is obvious what he's doing? He's sleeping with you because you're letting him and yet keeping out watch for someome he actually wants as a girlfriend.
When he says he's not ready for a relationship, he means he doesnt want one with you - he's waiting for the right girl.
I know it's horrible, i know, ive been in that kind of situation twice and i didnt know until they found another girl and just stopped contacting me.
Dont let this guy use you. Respect yourself, you're too good to be fooled by his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Put the penis down and run! The more you have sex the more confusing it is going to be. You are not going to end up with this one, he doesn't like you enough. He just doesn't want to give up on the free nookie. You're not his top chick, you're his spare chick. He is still sowing his wild oats. He keeps you as a spare for when he can't get any other tail. I know it sounds ugly, but here's whats really ugly: I married that guy. The guy who didn't take me seriously and didn't s call it a relationship, until I put my foot down.I said I was leaving. Unfortunately for him he was falling for me. So I gave him one last chance. We got into a beautiful long term relationship. Three years into this, I find he was fucking other people in our "not serious" fase. I dump and refuse to talk to himA few years later he genuinely has changed. I marry him. He then confesses having gone on a muff diving spree...Think about that, when we met, we had both not done anything but kiss. Over the years, every base he has been to, besides "the deed" has been one he reached by cheating on me. Do you want to be me? The girl who wasted her life happily ever after on a guy who proved from the beginning that he was an a^^hole? Do you want to be the one sitting on Dear Cupid in her car, warning other girls not to do it, while puffing on a ciggarette even though you hate smoking?Or are you gonna go out and get yourself what you deserve, which is far better than that? You are far too precious to be wasting your valuable time on this jerk. Its called a break up because its broken; don't waste the pretty.
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