| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I really need to know that you think is going through my boyfriends head because this has never happened to me before in any relationship I have been in. I was getting ready to go out with a group of girlfriends one evening. About an hour before going out I got my clothes out, had a shower and started to do my makeup. So my boyfriend came home from work and sat there for a while. Time was ticking away and he grabbed me and said he wanted sex. I told him I had just showered and I didn't want to get sweaty AND stinky with makeup everywhere just before going out. He pestered and pestered me and said he wouldn't let me go out without having sex and even started to get quite nasty. He had hold of me and wouldn't let go so I gave in. I was annoyed because I don't go out very often and when I do I like to look and feel my best. I didn't have time to finish getting ready and I just had time left to put my clothes on and go to the station. I mentioned it to my g/f and she looked at me and said that is a form of control so I wondered what you think? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 What he did was without question, without any shadow of doubt, completely wrong. How dare he? Honestly, finish this now.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 So let me get this straight. You said you didn't want to have sex, so he physically restrained you and wouldn't let go until you said yes? If a friend told you her boyfriend did this to her, what would you say? I'm guessing you'd be concerned about her safety if she continued this relationship. Forcing someone into sex is never OK under any circumstances, not through abusive verbal coercion, threats, or physical means. What happens in the future if you can't have sex for an extended period of time? Will he just do it anyway? This man sounds dangerous and controlling at the very least.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Oh you did give in, sorry I missed that part.
You're screwed OP, he now knows you're not strong enough to stop him treating you like shit.
Best of luck in the future OP, he's going to tear you to pieces before he's done with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): It's not clear in your post but I really hope you didn't give in to that kind of pressure.
Look OP I have been known to be really wanting sex from my girl as she's getting ready to go out, and sure I've made attempts to seduce her in those times in the "come on you know you want to" kiss on the back of the neck kind of way but it only takes one "stop" for me to back off and stop pestering her. Sometimes she does cave in but most of the time she doesn't and she would leave me in an instant if I ever treated her that way about anything.
OP any guy who goes as far as your boyfriend is a danger to you. It's controlling, it's selfish, it's immature, it's abusive behaviour that others have said is on the verge of rape.
OP there is a very fine line between the kind of disrespect he has shown you here to actually being capable mentally of taking it a step further and actually sexually assaulting you.
I've pestered women for sex as I'm sure most guys have but I know the boundary, I know that type of no that is definite and I don't sulk and pout when I don't get my way.
What was going through his head? "This filthy whore is going to give me sex because she's nothing but a cunt." That is quite literally what was going through his head, that is how disrespectful he acted so that's how demeaning and disrespectful his thoughts were. OP our thoughts match our actions in things like this. If he was cutesy and trying to seduce you with charm then his thoughts would have been more along the lines of "I want this beautiful lady right now."
Take care OP, this is the start of something horrible for you and if you actually gave in to his demands and let him treat you that way, you're screwed because now he knows it works he'll do it whenever he pleases.
...............................
A
male
reader, Htsn47 +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I agree, this was completely out of line and shows a lack of respect for you. It is a form of control - that he sees you, at least partially, as existing to fulfill his desires. Those desires, in his mind, come before your desires and your free will. Someone who truly cared about you might have been disappointed not to get sex - that's understandable. But they would never have forced you. You were coerced into having sex. At best, that's abusive.
I won't tell you to get out of the relationship, because I don't know enough about the situation. But this is a very troubling behavior.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 July 2012):
Listen to what your friend said, this is dangerously controlling behaviour. You might not think this is a form of the R word, but rape it most certainly is if you didn’t consent. The worry is that this is the tip of the iceberg: what will be next? Physical abuse? Emotional abuse? Worse sexual abuse? This is a warning, a huge red flag and you should heed it. Get out of this relationship and get this man out of your life as a matter of urgency!
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): You didnt want to have sex and he made you. That could be classed as rape because any ordinary guy would leave off because they understand no means no.
It sounds like he was trying to exert control over you, because you were going out without him and almost marking his "ownership" of you because he was telling you he "wouldn't let you out". No one has to let you out you are your own person. I would seriously consider if being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your decisions is one worth having. Especially when he feels he has the power to control whether you go out or not, that is not the actions of a loving person.
Tread carefully with this man, no one here can make you leave him but put yourself first and listen to your friends. I am sure of you needed somewhere to go they would be there for you.
...............................
|
