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What should I do so he could leave me alone without hurting his feelings?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 April 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, *oeismeanyou writes:

My ex and I broke up about a week or 2 ago because he felt as though we weren't "compatible". I ve been coping with it and I honestly don t want to talk to him nor see him because it makes getting over him easier. Ever since we broke up he s been sending me texts that catches me off guard. He always says,"I miss you" and "I want to see you" and when I don t talk to him all day, he feels some type away and says "oh you can t say anything to me now?". I feel like he s sending me mixed signals but he swears he s not. Is he? What should I do so he could leave me alone without hurting his feelings?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016):

My ex and I broke up about a week or 2 ago because he felt as though we weren't "compatible". I ve been coping with it and I honestly don t want to talk to him nor see him because it makes getting over him easier. Ever since we broke up he s been sending me texts that catches me off guard. He always says,"I miss you" and "I want to see you" and when I don t talk to him all day, he feels some type away and says "oh you can t say anything to me now?". I feel like he s sending me mixed signals but he swears he s not. Is he? What should I do so he could leave me alone without hurting his feelings?

Hi. I think he is definitely sending you mixed messages. It's unfair!I think it's wise of you not to see him or text him. Stay strong and send him one final message stating that you don't want him to text you anymore. His feelings are not your problem anymore. Plus that's not a mean message but an assertive one. Good luck!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (8 April 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntFeelings schmeelings, indeed! CindyCares has this one completely covered.

Just tell him it’s going to be up to you to decide when and if contact will be made for the time being, then merrily block his number on your phone. Set up your email so anything from him goes into a trash folder and block him on Facebook.

All these things can be undone later, if you should choose to have any conversations with him in the future.

But do stop being so concerned about his feelings. Take care of yourself, do what you need to do and don’t get guilt-tripped into changing your mind.

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (8 April 2016):

wrathykins agony auntI wouldn't worry about him, he's the one that decided to end your relationship. You have to think of YOU now. He doesn't really matter anymore.

Just delete and block him. You don't even need to say anything. No contact is the only way forward!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (8 April 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Feelings schmeelings. He hurt your feelings when he dumped you, didn't he ? Why should you be so delicate in handling his ?

Mind you, I am not encoraging you to be vengeful, petty or spiteful. Not at all.

My point is, that when you take decisions that in your mind you need to take in order to live a better, happier life, some times there is going to be collateral damage. You can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs. You can't go around on tiptoe all your life, least somebody gets their feelings hurt.

Your ex decided that to be happier and more fulfilled he needed to get you out of his life. Very well. Now let him deal with the consequences . Which anyway he must have weighed in his mind before leaving you. When you leave somebody, you do not also dictate how that person will have to behave towards you . Maybe they'll want to stay friends, may they 'll cancel you out of their life , either for good or for a period of time. Anyway, that's the dumpee's choice, not the dumper's.

Your bf is showing himself pushy and manipulative in tryng to dictate the rules and times of your interaction. And you can bet he has his own agenda in that- either to recycle you into an FWB or at-ready booty call, or just for the egocentric pleasure to still be the one who leads the dance .

I think that , if you really want to move on, you should stop any contact , at least for a good while. Drastic but effective. And, whatever you decide to do, ... if you have to protect somebody's feelings from being hurt , - remember to start from your own :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2016):

I'm sorry but he's not interested to get back with you if that's what you want to know. He wants the perks a relationship, but not a relationship. If you're on the same page, go ahead, play along. But I doubt that you are. You made that clear. Keep on ignoring him. It's the kindest thing you can do considering he's being a jerk. But if you're not strong enough to resist him, either change numbers or block his number on your phone. You've very much vulnerable at the moment. I wish you luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (8 April 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI would just tell him that you are going to block his number so YOU can work on healing and moving on.

You are no longer a couple, and you certainly aren't "friends" so there is NO need for contact if you do not WISH contact. You don't OWE him to be available.

I wouldn't worry so much about hurting HIS feelings, as he doesn't entire worry about yours either. But you can word it nicely, and then BLOCK/DELETE his number.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (8 April 2016):

janniepeg agony auntHe wants to be ex with benefits. He obviously doesn't care if he hurt your feelings so do not care about his either. You need to be firm that you want either a full relationship or no contact. Do no settle for bits of cheap attention here or there.

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