A
male
age
26-29,
*eenagedad
writes:When I was 17 I got a girl pregnant. We weren't really dating just hooking up and she wanted to give baby up for adoption but I wanted to keep it. My family support me and when my son was born my gf signed over the baby to me and my parents have been helping raise him for the past three years. Last year my gf that I have been dating for a while got pregnant. I'm currently in university and only work part time. she wants us to get our own appartment but I'm worried if finically we can afford it. She doesn't work and is full time student. Right now I live with my parents, I'm lucky enough that they don't charge me rent or anything like that. I pay for my sons daycare and the things they needs. I would love to have my own place but I know I would need to quit school to be able to pay for it. If I stay in school now I can get a much better paying job in a couple of years. My parents have offered for her and our son to move in with them until I'm finished school and can get a better job for all of us but she doesn't want that. How can I get her to see my point with wanting to stay with my parents.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2016):
 I agree with Chigirl.
You can't "make" her want to move in with your parents, but she can't "make" you move in with her either.
Unplanned pregnancies can throw a wrench in the best paid plans. I think YOU staying put with your parents in the right thing. If you at the time before knocking her up weren't able to move out on your own, you certainly won't be AFTER.
You parents are helping you because they TOO know that you getting an education will help YOU and your child(ren) in the future. So if you drop out now and settle for a minimum income job, when do you think you will get the chance to go back to school? Women have faced that dilemma for a were long time, but it's no different for a single guy.
YOUR school is important. Not just for you, but for what will be your family.
Now I can understand why she might not want to live with your folks. But I think it's a much worse idea to "drop the ball" and quit school so you two can play house.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): Honestly I think you should be thinking more about practicing safe sex. To accidentally get to girls pregnant in such quick succession is worrying. It's great that you're trying to better yourself and the obvious solution is moving in with your parents but seeing it from her pov. She's the one that will be at home with your parents constantly while you carry on at uni. It all could have been avoided by you taking a bit more responsibility in the beginning
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): I want to approach in a very practical manner. When you are raising a child as a family, 3 things are crucial - first, finances; second, setting milestones; and, lastly, being selfless. Make a 5-year projection and build this around these factors. Ask her to do the same. You need something very definite, so you need to break down your goals (for your selves and your child) until you can give details of how it would be like on a daily basis. Then sit down and talk. By then, you will have come to terms with her demands and she, to yours. I hope you're both willing to compromise and find a middle ground. If you can convince her that staying with your parents is merely a temporary set-up and can work on your plans as a family within a specific period of time, you're off to a good start.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 You don't "get her" to see your point. You make your decision and then allow her to make hers. You stay put. That's your decision, and I support that decision fully. She can't force you to move. If she wants her own place so badly, then she can get one herself, and pay for it herself, and you can come visit. Or, if she lets you stay there for free with her, you can live with her. But you are thinking ahead and thinking of a future income, and when you're about to be a father of two, at a VERY young age, thinking about the future and how to support not only yourself, but two kids, IS THE TOP PRIORITY. Playing house and getting an expensive apartment that you need to leave school in order to pay for... it's just fantasy.
You and your girlfriend tried to act older than you actually are. Don't try to push it even further by playing adults living on your own. The pregnancy can't be helped now that you've been reckless about protection, but a future of low income or a future of better income CAN be helped.
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A
female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (8 April 2016):
Trouble is having been a hormonal pregnant woman twice in the last three years, even things that make sense don't always make sense to her. She may be worried about being treated like a child if she lives with parents ( regardless of who's) maybe have her spend some time with your folks and see if that can help change her mind once she gets to know them. Other than that I don't think you can " make" her do anything. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 I can see both of your points, but at some stage you will need to move out of your parents house and stand on your own to feet, I hope you can see what a huge thing your parents are doing for you and supporting you. Not many parents would take on such a huge responsibility.
I can see why you want to stay at school, you just need to tell your girlfriend that you cannot afford a place of your own until you finish school and look for work. She needs to accept that even though you are young and you have two children you seem to be doing the sensible thing and looking at your long term future so well done.
I can understand why she would not want to move in with your parents, as it probably wouldn't feel like home for her and she probably will feel out of place. But I think you need to just be straight with her, stand your ground and tell her you cannot afford it at the moment.
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